to not want to meet up with, or allow this young person in my house?

[Daytimetellysucks]

I've name changed for this, and will keep it quite vague as I don't want to out myself, or anyone else.

I'm feeling under loads of pressure and I need some straight talking. I really don't know what to do, other than the immediate feeling of wanting to keep this person well away from me and mine.

DH and I used to foster. Our last placement (an older teen) was really quite difficult, and it came to an abrupt end following an incident. The whole thing was directed towards me, but both my (younger) children witnessed it and my eldest child was hurt in the crossfire.

Since then the young person has been in contact wanting to meet up, they want to come over for dinner, see my children, etc and I don't want them anywhere near us.

Both my children were terrified at the time, and remain quite scared of this person, they don't want to see the young person and they don't want them in our home. Which I think is entirely understandable and fair enough. This is their home, their safe haven and I respect that so we said no

However, we then came under a lot of pressure from the young person's social worker, constant messages and guilt tripping from the SW. I've spoken to the SW at length about the whole thing, but own children's feelings have been completely ignored and there doesn't seem to be any understanding about how they may feel about it.

Yesterday I received a letter, written by the young person but posted on by the local authority, again asking to meet up, they miss us and want to see my children.

I feel very conflicted. I did consider offering to meet up in town on my own for a coffee or something but it feels very disloyal to my own children. I am a bit of a horror for bearing grudges and as far as my children are concerned you only get one chance and the young person blew it so I worry I'm being unfair towards someone who is, essentially, a child

The local authority were awful at the time of and following the incident and we've since discovered information was withheld from us. I was, and am still extremely angry with them so part of me feels I'm directing my anger towards the wrong person.

My immediate reaction is to come over all chest-beating-protective. No way, no chance, never. My child was hurt, how dare any of them even ask this of us.

But I don't know, I feel very conflicted and confused. I can't get past what happened, I just can't forgive or forget and I'm still bearing a massive grudge but I'm supposed to be the adult here

We no longer foster (so I no longer have my own social worker to talk it over with), pretty much as a result of this whole incident, mainly because of the way the local authority behaved so I don't feel I have any obligation towards any of them.

The criminal side has been dealt with.

I don't think any of this has to do with YOT as none of the pestering for contact has come through them. Unless they've breached, but this pressure has been ongoing since it was finally accepted we weren't having them back

(((((((((((((Huge Hugs))))))))))))))))
how was today ?
ps im in australia so my day time might be obsolete here I dont know when your day starts

Thanks!

Sunnyshores we've been clear from the get go that we didn't want any further contact. Every time they've called or emailed I've said no. I've had a long talk with the YP's SW about our feelings around the whole thing, explained that our children were adamant that they didn't want contact. I really couldn't have been clearer with them.

Right back when all this happened we were clear, the placement was over and that was the end. We're supposed to give 28 days notice to end a placement under normal circumstances, and the YP's SW tried to hold us to it. My social worker wasn't having any of it

Anyway, today was good. Complaint all done and has been sent over. My SW advised that we don't write back to the YP as we were concerned that any kind of response may encourage more contact, so he's going to go to the YP's SW's manager and ensure it's made clear to the YP that they are not to contact us again.

I had a shitty night last night, couldn't sleep and kept turning it all over in my mind so I am relieved that it's now, hopefully, finished

We have sadly experienced a foster placement that went really wrong and the repercussions were quite serious with the young person now locked up.

I'd urge serious caution, stop sending mixed or soft messages. Be concise and very pointed towards no contact at any time. IME social workers an be hardened or Plain naive but the feelings are the foster family are always the last thing to be considered.

You're going to need to be VERY firm and change your door locks

Sorry Xpost. Glad you've said No.

But I'm sorry, do get locks changed & perhaps improve security (lock valuables)

More (((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))

I don't think thenOP has sent soft or mixed messages at all.

Hopefully this will be the end of it, Daytime but sadly I doubt it.

Glad you've sent the complaint and your social worker is being helpful. Hope the young person's social worker gets the bloody message. Awful that they are just not listening to you.

I imagine it's easier said than done but could you focus on doing something fun with your family this weekend, to take your mind off the whole situation?

Hope you sleep better tonight.

I hope that is the end of it for you.

Its awful that this is all happening just because you and your family were so open hearted in the beginning. I dont know how the hell they can put this one kids needs (sad as it is for him) above your family's.