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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

partner moving in

82 replies

Someguy1988 · 07/06/2015 14:18

Hi all. I'm going to ask my girlfriend to move win with me shortly and I have a question about finances.
My first idea was that she would pay half of my bills inc mortgage.
If she pays towards the mortgage (bearing in mind I'll be asking for cash and not bank transfers) will she have an "interest" in the property?
If things broke down I wouldn't want her to be able to claim half of the property as my mum has an investment here too.
I'd be asking her for £280pcm

OP posts:

BalconyBill · 07/06/2015 14:20

Paying half of the bills/upkeep etc will also give her an interest in the property. You should discuss it with her and see a solicitor to ensure you protect your mum's share.

LaurieFairyCake · 07/06/2015 14:22

Do you have two bedrooms - if so, you could rent one to her - this is the best idea

If you're expecting her to share a bedroom
With you its a bit off charging her half your mortgage to share one room.

LaurieFairyCake · 07/06/2015 14:23

And yes you should protect your property

But so should she not pay half someone's mortgage and get nothing back for it (particularly if she's just sharing one room) - not fair on her either

Gottagetmoving · 07/06/2015 14:25

Are you asking her to move in as a convenience thing or to live with you as a committed couple?
If you want a commitment and a future together it seems odd you do not want her to have an interest in the property. Why should she help towards paying off your mortgage if she has no investment for herself?
I hope you make all your intentions clear to her,...otherwise get a lodger.

purplesprings · 07/06/2015 14:34

I think you need to ask yourself a few questions. Why do you want her to move in? What benefit is there to her in moving in with you? If she contributes to your costs without gaining an interest in the property where does that leave her if you split up?

If you are basically just wanting to charge her rent you aren't partners, you're landlord and tenant. Not a great basis for a long term relationship. Is she ever going to feel really at home?

If you don't think the relationship is long term you'd be better off living apart. If it is something long term sell your place, pay back your mum and jointly buy something with your GF.

LazyLouLou · 07/06/2015 14:37

YANBU. It is not odd, off or in any way mean to wonder about safeguarding your current assets when asking a DP to move in for the first time.

You need to do 2 things quite quickly. First talk to your girlfriend and explain to her that you don't want to be unfair to her but more do you want to put yourself in a shaky position re the mortgage. Tell her you will be asking for some legal advice before the two of you sit down and discuss what bills it would be fair for her to contribute to.

I know, not sexy, not at all loved up and does sound quite mercenary, but, if she is 'the one' she will understand, might even admire the well grounded, thoughtfulness that can only reflect well on your financial dealings

kickassangel · 07/06/2015 14:47

If you expect her to pay that much towards the house, then she should have a right towards it, as she is investing in it. You wouldn't expect her to pay half into a joint bank account then you to keep all the money if you split up. This is the same thing. The house is a financial asset, it just happens to be a useful place to live as well. Anyone who contributes to it (directly through mortgage, or indirectly through maintenance, bills etc) has a right to a return on their investment. They also have a risk of their investment dropping in value.

If you want her to live with you, but you're not ready to see the house as shared investment, then maybe you're not ready to live together. She needs to have enough money left over each month to put it into savings elsewhere. Imagine if you live together for 5 years, then you split up and she is left without enough money to provide for herself! I'm sure if you care for her at all, you don't want to make her so vulnerable.

GoblinLittleOwl · 07/06/2015 14:55

The 'idea was that she would pay half of my bills inc mortgage.' says it all; it should be 'our bills'. If you don't want her to have any claim on your, and Mummy's, property, don't expect her to contribute towards the mortgage.

NickiFury · 07/06/2015 14:58

Send her here so she can be advised NOT to move in with someone who wants her to pay half his mortgage with nothing for herself in return and who sees her as a cash cow

coconutpie · 07/06/2015 15:07

But why should she live rent free?! That's not fair either. OP, you need to draft up a rental agreement of some sort, like a rent a room type thing or something.

HagOtheNorth · 07/06/2015 15:11

Set it up as a rent agreement. Like having a lodger.
You've no idea how long the relationship is going to last, if it becomes more permanent then you can have a discussion about mortgages and putting her name on the deeds.

NickiFury · 07/06/2015 15:14

She shouldn't live rent free, so he can charge her rent. Not expect her to pay half his mortgage and have absolutely no rights towards the property in return. Will you be talking to her about this OP? Will you be communicating in the terms that you have here?

"You can pay half the bills including mortgage to live here but I don't want you having any rights over my property"

Make sure you don't allow her to spend any money on improving the place either as it's pointless for her in the long term isn't it?

Original poster

Someguy1988 · 07/06/2015 15:24

The property is just a studio flat so wasn't a lot of money to buy, however my mum has 50k as an investment which is the reason I'm worried - mum expects that money to be paid back. The property is only 115k.
The reason I use the term "my bills" is because she hasn't yet moved in.
I would expect her to pay rent - but if she does pay rent does that look like she's paying towards my mortgage in legal terms?
There's nothing formal drawn up to say my mum owns the 50k therefore if my girlfriends "rent" money looks like her paying the mortgage I wouldn't want my mum to lose out.

OP posts:

purplesprings · 07/06/2015 15:33

You've not asked yourself any of my questions have you OP?

Sounds like you just want to set yourself up as her landlord but given it's just a studio flat and she won't have her own room that may be problematic from a legal perspective.

Can't see any benefit for either of you in moving in together.

Daffolil · 07/06/2015 15:46

YANBU to want to have a discussion about finances when you ask her if she'd like to live with you. Please don't forget to let your mortgage provider know that you will no longer be living alone, as you may be breaching your contract with them. You will also need notify the council if you get a single person discount for your council tax and buildings/ contents insurance provider. As a pp said, not romantic, but necessary, and she might even be impressed you are so financially on the ball. Good luck :-)

KatyN · 07/06/2015 15:48

You can get a document from the citizens advice website called a living together agreement. It covers who owns what while you live together. There is also a section for rent/bills.
When my boyf moved into my flat we signed one and he paid me £200 rent and we split all bills. We both benefitted financially as this wasabouthalf what he paid privately.
When we decided to get married we pooled our finances and tore up the agreement. Last year we sold 'my flat' to buy a family home in both our names.
There is aBiG difference between living with someone and pooling finances.
Good luck!!!!
K

LazyLouLou · 07/06/2015 15:56

To be fair purple, they were phrased a little bit aggressively and with a very clear "You are a selfish twat" undercurrent.

As far as I can see he is just being sensible.

kickassangel · 07/06/2015 16:10

So your mum owns almost half the flat, and you thought your girlfriend could then pay half the remaining bills? Effectively you're only paying a quarter of the cost of your own living. Unless you pay your mum rent, but it doesn't sound like you do.

I think the amount you're suggesting is a LOT of money. I'm assuming you're both fairly young/low earners if you're talking about a studio flat. If she moves in with you in this arrangement she'll have bugger all chance of ever being independent if things go wrong. So, again, I comment that if you care for her you won't want to do that to her.

There are ways to draw up legal contracts to protect your mums investment, which you should already have tbh, otherwise you could just walk off with all her money. The rent on half a studio flat in an area where it only costs 115 K should be really low, like 50 quid a month. Start with that, then is she going to double the cost of all bills? Perhaps ask for the increase in bills, plus a bit more to cover increased use. But realistically she's going to have half a bed, and a bit of wardrobe space. It's an absolutely tiny amount of living space you're offering up for the pleasure of your company, so you can only expect a tiny amount of financial contribution.

Fairenuff · 07/06/2015 16:23

There's nothing formal drawn up to say my mum owns the 50k

Your family are not big on getting legal advice I see but you really must do this. Talk to your gf about the expectations of both of you, then get it drawn up properly and legally.

purplesprings · 07/06/2015 16:32

lazy I take your point but OP's question was devoid of any sense of feeling for his GF. It came across as pretty mercenary. It is essential for them both to get the finances agreed before moving in.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 07/06/2015 16:34

Kickass are you saying rent would be, for two people, 100 quid a month or a week? 100 quid would be very low.

purplesprings · 07/06/2015 16:56

I assume wanting to be paid in cash is to avoid there being an official record of her contribution?

LazyLouLou · 07/06/2015 16:56

I don't now OP, so I have no idea about his feelings. But if he were my son I would be suggesting that he took all reasonable precautions including financial ones, before he start to cohabit.

It should be devoid of feelings. It is, unromantically, a financial matter. He isn't asking if he should cut his left bollock of to make a grand gesture to show her how much he loves her. He wants to know how to go about ensuring he is being sensible.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 07/06/2015 16:57

Someguy...do you think you could come back and comment, rather than resurrecting zombie thread, then withdrawing your comments?

AuntieStella · 07/06/2015 17:10

(Why zombies? This thread was started today).

Co-habitation, no matter for how long nor how much rent/bills are paid, does not confer an interest in the property (as some find out, very much to their cost, when non-marital LTRs break down). It might, in some limited circumstances, such as if children are involved, or if she becomes your dependant.

It is totally right to be clear about this before you start to cohabit. If your proposed rent/bills contribution is below market rent, it could be a very good deal for her, as she can them put what she would otherwise be spending on this into a savings account for her future.

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