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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

partner moving in

82 replies

Someguy1988 · 07/06/2015 14:18

Hi all. I'm going to ask my girlfriend to move win with me shortly and I have a question about finances.
My first idea was that she would pay half of my bills inc mortgage.
If she pays towards the mortgage (bearing in mind I'll be asking for cash and not bank transfers) will she have an "interest" in the property?
If things broke down I wouldn't want her to be able to claim half of the property as my mum has an investment here too.
I'd be asking her for £280pcm

OP posts:

mileend2bermondsey · 07/06/2015 19:46

I would say she should pay the bills.

YABU - to expect a lodger without their own bedroom or even bed, to pay off your mortgage.
However
She would be being UR to expect to live somewhere without paying out anything.

myusernameisusername · 07/06/2015 19:52

The mortgage is yours so it's your debt and your problem. i pay gas and electricity in our house because all the mortgage and car payments etc are in his name so unti they have my name on its not my problem id call a guy like you a chancer using her for cash

clam · 07/06/2015 20:10

Harsh responses on here, I think. Why should this girl just move in and have a claim in his property straight off the bat? It's his house (jointly owned with his mother) and he has presumably saved hard to get the deposit and mortgage payments to date, not to mention all the legal set-up fees.

The girlfriend has to pay rent somewhere, so why should she not pay a portion of the costs for this house? If she were renting somewhere else, she'd not have any claim on the landlord's mortgage, and she'd be paying a lot more to boot.

AwakeCantSleep · 07/06/2015 20:25

OP, head over to the moneysavingexpert housing forum for advice. I don't think your girlfriend will be able to stake a claim on the flat from the off if she contributes.

For example you could ask her to pay half the interest portion on your mortgage (in lieu of rent), but not the capital repayment part. This way she wouldn't help build up equity in the property. However it's a good idea to get something legal drawn up anyway.

(However, sharing a studio flat seems like a recipe for disaster to me. You will always be in the same space/room. I wouldn't do it, personally.)

Sorka · 07/06/2015 20:36

I'd suggest finding out what a room to rent costs in your area and knocking some off since you're sharing and have a studio. I would expect the rent to include bills.

Legal advice is a must.

I think you're being sensible - it's too soon to be talking about her getting a stake in your property. Once you've lived together a while and agreed it's time for her to purchase a share in your property, you'll need to take financial and legal advice.

purplesprings · 07/06/2015 20:36

Isn't the female equivalent of a cocklodger a gold-digger?

She shouldn't pay more than half the bills (CT, utilities, food) but shouldn't contribute to anything that relates to the flat (service charges, ground rent) or improving its saleability. She shouldn't be asked to pay for big ticket items just because she isn't paying the mortgage.

Hopefully somebody will advise her to save the equivalent of the mortgage each month so she is establishing some security for the future.

worridmum · 07/06/2015 20:39

but the number of people that say if the man moves in he is expected to pay half the morgaire otherwise he is a cock lodger but its so shocking that the female should get rent free accomidation? gender bais on here is shocking

PtolemysNeedle · 07/06/2015 20:42

Yet again, completely different responses based on the OPs gender.

You aren't doing anything wrong OP, and YANBU to do everything you can to protect your property and your mums investment, it's just good common sense.

Gabilan · 07/06/2015 20:46

"but the number of people that say if the man moves in he is expected to pay half the morgaire otherwise he is a cock lodger but its so shocking that the female should get rent free accomidation? gender bais on here is shocking"

I haven't seen anyone say that regarding a man. Maybe I haven't been here long enough. I think it depends on each situation, regardless of gender. In this case the OP has a studio flat so the woman in question isn't getting a room of her own but a share of a bed-sitting room, kitchen and bathroom (if that). No-one has suggested she live there without paying anything. Some people are suggesting that since it's a studio and the OP doesn't want her to have any rights over the property, perhaps just paying half the bills would be an acceptable compromise.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 07/06/2015 20:50

Why shouldn't she pay rent to him when she lives with him? I don't get it. £280pcm is nothing, he's hardly profiteering. Should she live there for free?

LineRunner · 07/06/2015 21:01

Depends what her current circumstances are. Cocklodgers and their equivalents tend to move from crap circumstances into easier ones.

This woman may already be very well suited where she is.

Gabilan · 07/06/2015 21:02

"Why shouldn't she pay rent to him when she lives with him?"

Well she could do BUT we are talking about half a studio flat here. If you advertised that on Gumtree you'd get very few takers, and they would be desperate.

"I don't get it. £280pcm is nothing, he's hardly profiteering. Should she live there for free?"

Of course she shouldn't live there for free. She should pay half the household bills. BUT the OP might want to consider whether or not she should pay rent on top of that when it's half a studio flat and he doesn't want her to have any claim on the property. It's just a possible compromise in a tricky situation. He'll still be better off as he'll be paying 50% of the CT bill whereas at the moment he's paying 75% (single person discount); half the water; half the energy bills (which will go up a bit but not double); half the TV licence; half the internet and phone bills etc. That way she's not freeloading but she's not paying off his mortgage either.

SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 07/06/2015 21:33

Cocklodger and gold digger are two different things. But I think AwakeCantSleep has sound advice re: splitting cost of mortgage interest.

I disagree that a woman who contributes to a man's mortgage should be entitled to a share of the property despite taking on none of the risk around the mortgage debt/repayments.

No, you wouldn't advertise a studio flat share on Rightmove. But it might still represent value to OP's girlfriend if it would be cheaper than her renting elsewhere.

TheChandler · 07/06/2015 21:45

Why not just draw up a tenancy/lodger agreement stating that she is paying rent and that it does not entitle her to a half share of ownership on the property or her money back if you split up. Get a solicitor to draw it up and witness it, ensure she gets independent legal advice.

Your problem is bearing in mind I'll be asking for cash and not bank transfers

Not sure why doing it in cash is so important for you, but you won't have a record of anything. Its not as if you would be due to pay tax on that amount anyway.

I would work out the cost of a single room in a shared house in your area and half it, as she will only be getting half of your space. Then half all bills, including council tax and add it on top.

Fauxlivia · 08/06/2015 15:04

I'm not sure she should pay rent - you would be paying your mortgage regardless of whether she is there ir not. Her living with you is not costing you money. Best imo to keep it simple - she doesn't pay for the flat but she also has no claim on it.

Split the bills by all means - that's fair.

Have to say though that in her shoes I wouldn't feel at home in your flat if it is very much yours and your mum's and in her position I wouldn't move in unless it was going to save me money which I could then put aside for either a shared future house or my own place if things went pear shaped.

Collaborate · 08/06/2015 16:06

She can only claim an interest in your property by paying towards your mortgage IF she does so on the basis of an agreement or (explicit or implicit) understanding that she would, thereby, acquire an interest. If that sounds like a lawyer speaking, it's because I am a lawyer.

So just make sure that there's some record of the fact that she's only paying a form of rent, and not actually buying a share.

Gottagetmoving · 08/06/2015 17:29

Get a lodger and charge rent for a room! It's too messy if it's your girlfriend. It's co habiting and that sort of relationship means she may be entitled to a share. Your mum needs something legal to say she owns a percentage too!

HirplesWithHaggis · 08/06/2015 17:34

He can't get a lodger, it's a studio flat.

Gabilan · 08/06/2015 18:12

"Have to say though that in her shoes I wouldn't feel at home in your flat if it is very much yours and your mum's and in her position I wouldn't move in unless it was going to save me money which I could then put aside for either a shared future house or my own place if things went pear shaped."

Seconded. I can understand the OP's financial concerns. OK so it's not romantic to think about what would happen if they split up, but unfortunately it's practical and necessary. However, if he's thinking along those lines then she needs to as well.

I like my audit trails. I would not be happy paying everything in cash and having no paperwork. What if the relationship is getting shaky and the GF gets home one day to find the locks changed? I'm not saying the OP would ever do anything like that, but who knows what people get up to when relationships fail. In those circumstances, she's got nothing. To find somewhere new to rent, she would need references from her previous landlord. If that's a boyfriend she's just split up with it puts her in a difficult situation (there are ways round it, but it's not great). If she's concerned about building up a good credit record then being named on bills that are paid on time helps. I would love to find somewhere to live for 280pcm all in. But I think I'd rather pay more and have some security, a contract and probably a bit more space!

lozster · 08/06/2015 18:23

Sounds like a sensible question. I was in the same position when my bf moved in. We split all the bills apart from ongoing maintenance, and he paid what he had been paying as rent on a room into a bank account in his name. The agreement was if we split up the money was his for a deposit and I was no worse off. We didn't split up and went on to buy a house together when we were ready and all the bank account money went in to that. Win win.

The5DayChicken · 08/06/2015 19:08

Tough one I think.

You don't want her to have a legal interest in your flat so can't ask her to contribute to the mortgage. But someone renting or lodging would normally get their own space where they would be free to do as they please without being overseen by their landlord. You can't offer her that.

Given the circumstances, I don't think it's fair to charge anything more than her share of the bills. And if you're unhappy with that, I'd suggest either you're not in the right frame of mind to take your relationship to the next level, or you're not in the right flat to be able to do so.

The5DayChicken · 08/06/2015 19:11

And FWIW, my view is the same with the genders reversed. When DM moved her partner in with her, I told her if she wants to maintain sole legal interest in her house, she can't expect him to contribute to the mortgage.

FlabulousChix · 08/06/2015 19:14

280 is not a lot at all. To rent a bedsit is 80 a week. That's 320 a month. And that's one room. She will ha e access to the whole house it's a fair amount. Just make sure it's is rent and get a rental agreement in place. Ha ha at people saying 280 is a lot it's peanuts.

Gabilan · 08/06/2015 19:19

"She will ha e access to the whole house it's a fair amount."

The whole house being a bedsit she's sharing with her BF/ landlord. I lived in a relatively large bedsit for 4 years. One nice big room, a small hallway, reasonable bathroom and small kitchen. Fine for one person but I think even if I'd been truly, madly, deeply, I'd have struggled to share it in the long term. I'd have been happy to share it on the understanding that I could split the bills and pay minimal rent/ half the interest on the mortgage and then save money either for my own deposit, or a shared deposit on a larger place if the relationship worked well.

expatinscotland · 08/06/2015 19:30

'She will ha e access to the whole house it's a fair amount. '

It's a bedsit and she's kipping on half the bed.

I also lived in a large bedsit on my own after my divorce. Anything more than an overnight guest would have been suffocating.

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