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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

partner moving in

82 replies

Someguy1988 · 07/06/2015 14:18

Hi all. I'm going to ask my girlfriend to move win with me shortly and I have a question about finances.
My first idea was that she would pay half of my bills inc mortgage.
If she pays towards the mortgage (bearing in mind I'll be asking for cash and not bank transfers) will she have an "interest" in the property?
If things broke down I wouldn't want her to be able to claim half of the property as my mum has an investment here too.
I'd be asking her for £280pcm

OP posts:

purplesprings · 07/06/2015 17:12

Lazy - he didn't post to say my GF and I are getting on great and would like to move in together but how we protect our financial interests in case it doesn't work out.

Not a big romantic gesture but an indication that he's thinking of her best interests too.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 07/06/2015 17:14

He posted on a zombie thread with a subject similar to this one.

LazyLouLou · 07/06/2015 17:15

Your making too many assumptions for me, purple, not nice ones and without real basis.

I just don't see his OP in the same way as you do. I think he is being sensible, you think he is being mercenary. Neither of us know him so sensible advice seems more reasonable than character assassination!

Klayden · 07/06/2015 17:16

YANBU to want to protect your investment. However, because you are a man, you're going to get slaughtered.

LazyLouLou · 07/06/2015 17:16

Did he Spongebob... so he really wants some advice then!

RedandYellow24 · 07/06/2015 17:19

How much is she paying now? How much are your basics? Personally I would expect to go half a on food and basic bills and maybe a token rent to start but that should be cheaper than what's she paying now. So you both benefit finically from the arrangement.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 07/06/2015 17:20

Well, not that much as he withdrew whatever he had posted.

RedandYellow24 · 07/06/2015 17:21

Posted to soon but if by her moving in all your bills get halved yet she is still paying what she paid for a flat share that's not fair either. Also would depend on both your incomes of one of you earns a lot more might need to adjust rent like wise

Electrolux · 07/06/2015 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 07/06/2015 17:27

This looks like another thread which would have completely different responses if it was started by a woman. I thought OP's offer was fair, where else can you pay £250 a month for rent and all bills?

fuzzywuzzy · 07/06/2015 17:29

Do you expect her to share a room with you do the housework, have sex with you and pay half your bills & have no share in the home she's contributing towards?

Is she on MN, feel she'd benefit from advice.

purplesprings · 07/06/2015 17:31

Why not rent the studio out so your GF isn't involved with it and rent somewhere else together?

expatinscotland · 07/06/2015 17:32

If you live at home, Sleepless, which she might.

expatinscotland · 07/06/2015 17:35

Rent your flat out and the pair of you rent a larger place together.

UmmErrWhateves · 07/06/2015 17:49

OP, you are being very sensible to sort this out before you GF moves in. You might get a better (and less judgemental response) if you posted in legal.

I think you and your Mum can document her loan.

Whatever you decide you should make sure both you and your GF are on the same page. It's much easier to sit down and discuss these things now rather than later. I'd document everything.

SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 07/06/2015 18:33

Well she has the option to stay living at home and save her money then. No one is forcing her to cohabit.

kickassangel · 07/06/2015 18:42

Sleepless, there's a reason that a flat share in a studio flat doesn't come up in rightmove. It has no marketable value. Studio flats are tiny, and sharing one can be quite cosy/crowded. He's expecting the gf to pay as if it's a marketable commodity and to have no protection for her investment.

So all parties, including his mum, need to look at what is reasonable in this situation. Op says he wants to protect his mums investment, well that should have been done already, not left until now. The gf may not even want to move in, but if she does she should look at what is reasonable for her to pay now, and how it leaves her longer term, no matter what happens to the relationship. Op should be doing the same, but his current suggestion actually leaves him paying very little, with no security for mum or gf, and him gaining long term from his investment. That seems like a pretty unfair financial investment for 2 of the 3 people involved, so should be thought about again.

SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 07/06/2015 18:55

If he rents out the flat OP becomes a landlord, may need a specialist mortgage, will have to complete annual tax returns, possibly pay extra tax and takes the risk of void periods.

If he splits from GF soon after that's a lot of expense for nothing and he'll have to serve notice on his tenants to move back and possibly change mortgage again.

Gabilan · 07/06/2015 18:58

"Why not rent the studio out so your GF isn't involved with it and rent somewhere else together?"

This. I suspect sharing a studio flat is almost setting the relationship up to fail. I've lived in a studio flat and whilst it was lovely when my then boyfriend stayed over, we'd have hated each other if we'd lived there together long term.

Otherwise, I'd consider opening a joint account and you and your GF putting in a set amount each month to cover council tax, food, energy bills etc (agree these in advance). Don't ask her to pay rent or help with the mortgage. She could then save a lot of money so that if the relationship is going well and you wanted to buy somewhere bigger together, she could contribute to the deposit.

There are flaws in that, not the least that she may well feel like she has no share in the flat, but I'm just putting it out there as another option. With two of you in a studio flat power bills shouldn't go up much. CT and food obviously will but you may still find it's cheaper for you as well to split bills in this way, meaning you can pay your mum back a bit sooner.

LineRunner · 07/06/2015 19:10

Where does your gf live now and what does she pay?

SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 07/06/2015 19:17

Gabilan, I see where you're coming from but when men don't pay rent they get called 'cocklodgers'.

purplesprings · 07/06/2015 19:24

Don't cocklodgers worm their way into moving in with someone and then contribute diddly squat to any living expenses?

SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 07/06/2015 19:29

Purple - maybe, I don't know, I don't use the term? But AFAIK there's no similar term for a woman.

AyeAmarok · 07/06/2015 19:29

As it's a studio flat, and therefore she will have absolutely zero space of her own, along her to pay half your mortgage and bills is wholly unreasonable.

Half of the bills would be reasonable, since you don't want her to have any claim on your asset.

Gabilan · 07/06/2015 19:41

"I see where you're coming from but when men don't pay rent they get called 'cocklodgers'."

Not by me they don't.

If it were bigger than a studio I would be suggesting she pay rent as well, as it's only what she'd do elsewhere. But we are talking about a studio here. I lived in a nice, large studio flat for 4 years. Had I had a mortgage rather than renting I would have been happy for someone living there to pay half the bills but uncomfortable charging rent. You're not getting any space of your own and if you're not getting any share in the building as an investment, there's not much incentive to move in.

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