Ds friend spends his bday money on them and friends parents want money back

[brownpaperbag2]

This time of year there are lots of summer fares - one for the primary school, one for the secondary school, one for the village, one for the football club, one for the scout group, etc. as a family we spend a lot at the fares we go to, about £60 at each. For this reason I pick the fares we want to support, primary and secondary schools in the main.

Today is the football fare and it is held in the local recreation ground. My ds doesn't play football, but he wanted to go. There is a bouncy castle and he is 8. I said no. He was called on by his friend who asked if he wanted to play and I said yes.

Unknown to me they went to the Park and the friend took his £90 birthday money and between them they spent it in 3 hours. Friends mum wasn't aware her son had taken his birthday money or that the recreation ground had a fare on. They went on the bouncy castle that is like an obstacle course which was 50p a go, a bungee game, and had burgers, tattoos, drinks etc

She just called to ask me for £45!!!!!

Am I being unreasonable to say no?

I wouldn't pay. It will teach the other mother not to be so stupid as to let her son get access to sums as large as ninety quid.

Unless your son is called Frank, that is, in which case he probably extorted it .

I'm astounded to read of seven-year olds not understanding the concept of two pounds change if you pay a fiver for something costing three quid.

I would be making sure that it was just the two of them and that there weren't any more friends involved. It does seem like an awful lot of money.

I'm stunned that anyone could manage to offload £90 at a local fair in three hours let alone a pair of eight year olds. That is some heavy duty spending.

That aside I wouldn't be paying. No reason you should subsidise her stupidity. I would however be having very stern words with my child about trustworthiness and doing as he's told.

Omg I can imagine them laughing about this in years to come. The boys must have had an absolute ball spending that much money!!

Op if I were you I would pay the money back and then make my son repay in chores.

Feel a bit sorry for them really but I suppose at 8 you would expect them to know better.

Badlad I don't know that it's as much abou the concept of how much change from a fiver, more that they have no concept of the value of £90.

I'm deeply suspicious of the £90 too.
I would bet that it was a lot less than that.

Catherine, I'm commenting about this

If we give her a £5 note to go on a £3 ride, she doesn't realise there will be change.

Oh I see, I must have missed that
Apologies.

My 8yo son counted up the money in his piggy bank the other day, and it came to a similar amount... £82.23

But it's all in £1 coins. No way would he have taken it out, nor would he have gone to a fare. We are in London, and I would struggle to spend that amount. Agree some of the money was probably lost.

Not sure what you should do OP. will you update us?

I think that you need to talk to your DS and find out what they did. Then you will hopefully have a better idea about what they did. I think that your DS (And therefore you is partially responsible and therefore you should pay towards the costs. However, the other parents are more at fault. I would give them about £20 .

I can envisage the situation where it's acceptable for 8 year olds to be out and about unaccompanied by an adult, and I can imagine that your son accepted his friend's generosity without thinking about the value of what was being bought. What I can't imagine is how anyone managed to spend £90 for two people at a village fair, and I'm afraid I suspect the other mother of inflating the amount to minimise her son's "loss". But then I am a cynical cow!

I think you should and his mother should address both boys together. A stern telling off yes but if it's a genuine case of boy shared his bday money with his friend and they had a great time, then the other boy shouldn't get money back to replace it as it was his choice to spend it on crap. However I would say that your son will reciprocate and spend his birthday money when it comes around (to a similar value) on his friend. Separately the boys should be disciplined how you would usually, your son for going to the fair when you said no, and hers for taking the money.

I think it's a bit unfair to say the friend doesn't know the value of money, but OPs son should know to refuse the offer of a few treats when out and about.

I would give the £20 as it's the decent thing to do but I wouldn't give half of it back. I wouldn't get my boy to work to pay back the difference.

I also suspect the other mum of inflating the loss.

I'm amazed that no one at the fair seemed to bat an eye that two little lads had so much cash on them.

I don't think the mother should be asking you for the money any more than she would expect to ask the organisers of the fair.

It sounds like the boys had an excellent time and I find it a bit sad if the mother has sullied it for the birthday boy instead of letting him be pleased that he enjoyed HIS money.

Billy - I'm glad I'm not the only one to be suspicious of the other mum!

My 8 year old would buy a burger, but they are £3 at the village fete.
Plus a drink, plus ice cream, plus sweets, max a tenner.
£1 Each for bouncy castle, £1 for coconut shy, whatever tattoos cost..... I suppose they could have spent £20 each without inviting comment.

I don't believe the £90 figure.

This thread has triggered a long forgotten memory from my childhood. When I was 10 back in 1967 my mum sent me into town to pay all her household bills. The rent, jewellers, local tick shops. I had all the books and money. My mum really believed I was responsible. What did I do? Christmas carnival was still on at the Waverley Station (Edinburgh). My friend and I spent all the money on rides and burgers.
I went home with 1/6, no bills paid. My mum went ballistic. I got hammered. She'd never have dreamt to rock up at my mates house and ask for half the money. And yes she was an awful mother. She was in the pub getting drunk. I've not thought about that for nearly 50yrs......boohoo
I don't think you should pay anything, but each set of parents should deal with the separate issues re. each child.

If my son was foolish enough to spend all his money this way there's no chance I would ask his friend's mum to pay half , on the other hand, where I live, there's no way I would allow 8 yr olds out unsupervised for 3 hours, and if his friend came knocking on the door I'd be calling his mum to make sure she knew where he was.

But I don't live in a small village, or the 1950s.

i think its funny how people think the friends mother is lying.

As far as we know, the OPs DS could have said "let's go to the fair... We can say we are just going to the park, no one will know. Do you have any money? Go on, it'll be fun... It's your money, you can spend it how you like... Go on!"

Bearing in mind the friend's mother did not know there was a fair so it is likely her DS also did not know. The OPs DS not only did know but also had asked to go but wasn't allowed so had more reason to suggest it.

Anyway, as I said only the the boys know the whys and wherefors of the tale.

On the subject of change, I've had many many children of that age forget to wait for change.

The more i think about this, the more the £90 seems very unlikely.

Why was an 8 year old out for hours alone anyway. Slack parenting.

Burger £4.50
Drinks £3
Face Paint £4
Tattoos £4 per tattoo
5 goes on bouncy castle £2.50
Ice cream £2
Lucky dip £2.50
Tombola £2.50

That only leaves £17.50 unaccounted for. Extra tattoo, goes on another inflatable, more side shows like hook a duck, another drink, plastic tat, sweets.... That £45 each is soon gone.

(The £2.50 is 5 goes at 50p a go.)

Yep Soup it could be easily done. But £90 between 2 boys aged 8. At a village fair where everyone knows everyone (so that's why its ok for 8 year olds to go off for three hours). And no one spotted anything? Or maybe they did, but then kept taking the money anyway.