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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds friend spends his bday money on them and friends parents want money back

333 replies

brownpaperbag2 · 06/06/2015 13:12

This time of year there are lots of summer fares - one for the primary school, one for the secondary school, one for the village, one for the football club, one for the scout group, etc. as a family we spend a lot at the fares we go to, about £60 at each. For this reason I pick the fares we want to support, primary and secondary schools in the main.

Today is the football fare and it is held in the local recreation ground. My ds doesn't play football, but he wanted to go. There is a bouncy castle and he is 8. I said no. He was called on by his friend who asked if he wanted to play and I said yes.

Unknown to me they went to the Park and the friend took his £90 birthday money and between them they spent it in 3 hours. Friends mum wasn't aware her son had taken his birthday money or that the recreation ground had a fare on. They went on the bouncy castle that is like an obstacle course which was 50p a go, a bungee game, and had burgers, tattoos, drinks etc

She just called to ask me for £45!!!!!

Am I being unreasonable to say no?

OP posts:
HarrietVane99 · 06/06/2015 15:17

It was probably much more fun for the friend to have ds with him than to be on his own. If he wanted to spend his birthday money that way, that was his choice. This might turn out to be one of his best memories of his childhood.

Only way ds would be to blame would be if he specifically knew that friend was not supposed to be spending the money. But I agree that parents should have put it in the bank if they didn't want the boy to have it.

Ds going to the fair without permission is a separate matter. Was he banned from going there at all, or was it 'no, we can't afford it'? Might he have thought it was ok if he wasn't asking for spending money?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/06/2015 15:17

Oh yeah, I'd know damn straight where he was at that age!

sadwidow28 · 06/06/2015 15:18

For those waiting for the OP to come back ......

She didn't return to either of her previous 2 threads last month. She must just like to read and silently digest the comments eh? Grin

ninaaa · 06/06/2015 15:23

This morning the OP had no clue where her DS was which I think is really odd, tbh.

We know she told him he wasn't allowed to go to the fair, and I am assuming that the fair took over a significant part/ all of the park. And she knew they weren't at her house. So where did she think they were going to play? Other boy's house maybe, other than that I can't think of many other places to play in a village. I'm a little surprised she didn't ask her son where he was going (unless he lied and told her they were going somewhere else).

My oldest DCs are teenagers with mobile phones, and when they go out I still always ask them where they are going, and approximate time they are due back.

girliefriend · 06/06/2015 15:23

I am totally Shock that your 8yo son went off with his mate for 3 hours and you had no idea where he was!! That is ridiculous and irresponsible imo.

I am not sure if I believe they sent £90, how did the friend even have access to that money? If my dd gets bday money it gets paid into her account, the most she has access to is about £15 (she is 9yo.) Which is irrelevant as even if she had access to £££ there is no way she could wander off for hours on end with zero supervision.

I am not sure what I would do tbh, my guess is I wouldn't have £45 so I would apologise but not pay it.

chrome100 · 06/06/2015 15:26

I don't see the problem with 8 year olds going to a fair by themselves - they're not babies. But struggle to see how they spent £90! I think you should have a talk to your son about spending other people's money and ask how much he ate/drank/did and give them that amount as a token gesture.

workhouse · 06/06/2015 15:27

She didn't return to either of her previous 2 threads last month

She did come back, on page 2.

Strictlyison · 06/06/2015 15:28

I would pay for it. I think it's obvious but I think I'm the only poster who think so. I suspect that both boys knew it was the wrong thing to do, and I would find a way to take part of it off my DS' pocket money. Your son made the wrong decision by accepting so much money from a friend, and I suspect he knows it was wrong. I can't see how they could have spent that much - if it was £20 I would say don't pay back, but £90 is a hell of a lot of money.

Ipushedmygrannyaffabus · 06/06/2015 15:52

I would make your son give his £20 to his friends. No, it's not half, but he wouldn't have spent £45 if his friend hadn't taken all that money to the fair - the friend needs to be out of pocket to learn his lesson too.

CamelHump · 06/06/2015 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Taytocrisps · 06/06/2015 16:06

What if the kid had £200 birthday money and they blew it all on toys, games etc.?

Would the OP be expected to pay £100 back?

I think the other boy's parents have a bit of a nerve demanding the money back.

The kids are only 8. I'm sure the OP's DS never thought to question the source of the money or whether he should be spending his pal's money. He probably couldn't believe his good luck that the friend had such a huge sum of money to spend on fun stuff. The friend's parents should have ensured that the money was put in a bank/post office/credit union account but it's possible that the birthday was a recent one and the parents hadn't got around to doing it yet.

MythicalKings · 06/06/2015 16:09

OP's DS knew he shouldn't have been at the fair.

SoupDragon · 06/06/2015 16:13

the friend needs to be out of pocket to learn his lesson too.

He will be out of pocket by his half of the £90. The OPs DC had £45 worth of fun at the friends expense, albeit at the friends choice. I assume it was the friends choice and the OP's DS made no suggestions regarding the trip or using the money.

VivaLeBeaver · 06/06/2015 16:19

Mmm, in a positive the boy's parents can take comfort in the fact he's not a tightwad! Grin

It's difficult isn't it? If I were the other parents Id be hacked off with both boys but I woudlnt be asking for any money back.

If I were you Id be offering some money back but not half the money. Id be feeling why should I be out of pocket by £45 because the other boy was daft enough to bring all that money? You'd never have given your ds £45 to spend there.

AyMamita · 06/06/2015 16:28

I would make DS hand over his £20, and leave it there. The other parents were responsible for the £90.

BitOfFun · 06/06/2015 16:30

I'm gobsmacked that they managed to spend £90 in three hours and have nothing to show for it- it's like the plot of Brewster's Millions Grin.

SoupDragon · 06/06/2015 16:36

What we don't know is whether the OPs DS encouraged his friend to take the money. We don't know whose idea it was to go to the fair or take the money or spend it on whatever they spent it on. Only two people know the answer to that and I'm not sure they are both going to be honest about it

Taytocrisps · 06/06/2015 16:38

BitOfFun I was thinking of 'Brewster's Millions' too Smile

GlitzAndGigglesx · 06/06/2015 16:45

If I spent £90 in 3 hours I think I'd go home and cry

gofuckyourself · 06/06/2015 16:47

The birthday money was the friends to spend on what he wanted surely? Tough shit if the parents wanted it to be saved, they should have put it away then!
I doubt your son forced the friend to spend it, he was just accepting his friends generosity.
If a friend offered to pay for the meal we had just had I would accept that generosity as I'm sure lots of people do, would be rude not to.
I don't see why your son should pay for his friends parents stupidity.

fiveacres · 06/06/2015 16:50

If everything is priced around £5, then with entry fees, four rides, an ice cream, burger and sweets £90 is easy.

I'd pay.

Beth2511 · 06/06/2015 17:09

My 7 year old SD doesn't have the foggiest about the value of money, I find it hard to believe in the space of a year she will suddenly understand and appreciate that £90 is a hell of a lot. If we give her a £5 note to go on a £3 ride, she doesn't realise there will be change. Do they really mature that much in a year that he can justly be called a free loader?

If I were the OP I simply wouldn't be able to afford to give £45 back, it's not her fault their DS took it, and I would not expect a just turned 8 year old to even think about where the money has come from. They had a ball, but the consequence to the friend is that it has gone for if he did want something special.

I also don't think OP was particularly clear that he still was not allowed to go, certainly not to an 8 year old. I know I would have to tell SD specifically that it was off limits.

WipsGlitter · 06/06/2015 17:17

I cannot see how they would spend £90. Can you get the boys to list what the money went on.

Gabilan · 06/06/2015 17:19

I'm not convinced there even was £90 to start with. It's quite a convenient scam really. "OMG my son spent all this money on your son and you have no proof other than the word of an 8 year old. That will be £45 please".

Yeah, right.

OK, that's very cynical but I think the simplest compromise was suggested up thread - treat the other child next time.

wooldonor · 06/06/2015 17:23

Are you sure the other parent is telling you the truth?

I don't follow the logistics of this - first £90 is a lot of notes for an 8 year old to keep hold of. Did he have them in a purse, what did he do with the change? I don't see him being able to manage the money side of things for 3 hours

How many burgers are 8 year old realistically going to eat, I'd be surprised if they even bought 1. IME boys of that age are going to choose sweets and drinks and 50p goes on the bouncy ride. You'd have to really be going for it to spend even half of the money

I don't think the mum is being truthful with you OP