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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really be quite upset about the lack of photos?

56 replies

ApocalypseThen · 05/06/2015 16:46

My new baby will be two weeks old tomorrow. I've taken loads of pictures of her with all our friends and family, and loads of her with my husband.

He has taken none (0) of me. There is no photo of when the doctor gave her to me after her birth. None in the hospital. None coming home. None of us meeting friends and family. None of me just cuddling her.

I find this quite upsetting and I don't really understand why he doesn't want to take these pictures. I've mentioned it now twice and I've asked him to take some but it's not happening.

Would you be upset about it or am I just being stupid?

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/06/2015 16:48

Congratulations .

YANBU if you want pictures, have asked and still have none. I wouldn't care but it's really important to you. Would asking at the time work, "I'm holding DD, honey. Could you take a picture?"?

duckbilled · 05/06/2015 16:49

I would be upset too. You need to start asking at the precise time you want a photograph taken, he is obviously not taken the hint.
I know it's not the same but maybe start doing a few selfies, especially of baby snuggled in your chest?

ItsTricky · 05/06/2015 16:50

You are definitely not being stupid. He's an arse! Make sure you get some pics asap. Can you do some selfies while you wait?

BabyMurloc · 05/06/2015 16:51

Congratulations. You are NBU, especially if you asked. You may have to literally have the camera handy and say "hey honey can you just snap a quick pic of me and the baby, camera is right there" Also selfies. New baby selfies are lush.

queentroutoftrouts · 05/06/2015 16:51

yanbu.

Seeline · 05/06/2015 16:52

I've taken loads of pictures of her with all our friends and family, and loads of her with my husband.

This is my family. My DH never thinks to take a picture - it's always me. Consequently I am in very few pictures with the kids. They are 10 and 13 now and tend to take pictures so I am gradually appearing in the albums.
If you want pictures you will have to constantly remind him, hand him the camera, ask him - otherwise it won't happen.

Leeds2 · 05/06/2015 16:52

Maybe ask visitors to take some for you.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 05/06/2015 16:52

I hate having my picture taken, but I am so glad of the few I have with dcs when they were tiny.
Usually, somebody sneaks one of us as a family every now and then.
If you have asked, I think he should take some.

LL12 · 05/06/2015 16:54

I know exactly what you mean, on holiday last year I finally realised that I was taking all the photos of dh and dh with children etc but there were non of me at all.
When I looked back it has always been the same, hardly any of me at all, you would think at some point the people you are taking photos off would have said "let's take a photo of you with dd" or something, but it would seem not.
Wish I'd made a point of how upset it made me, years ago.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 05/06/2015 16:55

Can you just hand over your phone and ask him to take some there and then? I would not be happy either. I have had to ask DH to take photos with me in sometimes as he never thinks to otherwise, but he is a bit better since the advent of smartphones. I'm also one of those people who are a bit self conscious and don't like being snapped unawares, I like a moment to push my fringe out of my eyes and pull my shoulders back, which may not have helped. Could you ask other family members to take some in front of him, that way he might get the hint?

fiveacres · 05/06/2015 16:57

Definitely ask. Or get a selfie stick

ShatnersBassoon · 05/06/2015 16:58

I am absolutely crap at taking photos. I never ever think to take them, so DH asks me to at important moments

Just tell him to take some photos of you and the baby. No need to keep quiet and suffer the consequences if the photos are something you'd enjoy looking at.

Bunbaker · 05/06/2015 17:01

I have very few photos of me because it just doesn't occur to OH to take any. DD was born before digital photography was so mainstream and before phones had cameras. Fortunately I had packed my camera, but I had to remind OH to take some pictures otherwise the camera would have remained in my bag.

MrsTedCrilly · 05/06/2015 17:01

YANBU, this is so common. I always have to ask my DP to take them, but even then I have to try and act natural so we get some 'spontaneous' looking shots.. Most of the ones I have of him are so natural as they are both unaware.. and these are usually the nicer pics. I think (in general!) men are only interested in cameras if they are really into photography, whereas women tend to want to make memories.. Women are more likely to look back through albums. I am forever looking back at pics, my DP never has. Just keep asking! Give him the camera and then just get on with reading the book/playing/cuddling and forget he's there

Original poster

ApocalypseThen · 05/06/2015 17:03

It's not that I want to look at them myself - I had a difficult birth and look horrific at the moment but sometimes I wonder if the poor child will think she didn't have a mother at all. Also, I don't understand why he doesn't want to take these pictures.

I guess the only thing is to swallow that disappointment and ask him to do it as the moment arises.

OP posts:

fiveacres · 05/06/2015 17:05

It's a bit morbid, but I do want all the children to have a nice photo of me with them if I die.

AmyElliotDunne · 05/06/2015 17:07

I used to be upset that xh never took photos of me with the dcs, but even he managed one or two when they were first born. Yanbu to want some record of you in your little one's life.

It's all very well telling them when they're older that you were the one behind the lens, but actually seeing you holding them, playing with them, cuddling them is such a powerful way for them to remember their childhood with you, you need to get this sorted sooner rather than later or you will regret it when they're all grown up and you're nowhere to be seen in their family photos.

Every time you take one of someone else, hand the camera to them and say "can you take one of me too please" and then check it to make sure you're happy with it and they haven't got you with your eyes shut or chopped you off in an unflattering way. In fact say "can you take a couple of me please" to make sure they don't skimp and just take one shit photo.

And yes to selfies and also videos where, even if you can't see you, they can hear your voice.

Jenda · 05/06/2015 17:11

My DP isn't a big photo taker and I know when we have kids it won't occur to him and I will be prompting! just keep reminding him and hopefully he will start doing it more often. yes to selfies! Congratulations on your new baby

AlternativeTentacles · 05/06/2015 17:14

Get a small tripod and just take them yourself. Why won't he take them? Is he allergic to a camera? These days it really is so incredibly easy anyone can do it.

AngelinaCongleton · 05/06/2015 17:15

photos are really important. i still need to ask my dh and i find that annoying and selfish of him!

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 05/06/2015 17:15

Get yourself a selfie stick! Then you can snap away until you get the pics of your dreams.
www.amazon.co.uk/Extendable-Integrated-Adjustable-compatible-Smartphones/dp/B00UEQQ5YA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1433520899&sr=8-1&keywords=selfie+stick

This is one of the reasons I was convinced XH didn't actually "see" me. There were no photos of me on honeymoon, for example. This is such a common thing, I don't know why some people aren't more considerate towards each other.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 05/06/2015 17:16

I think this is the case for 95% of mothers - lots of photos of auntie Suzy holding the baby, none of the mum with them

I try to remember to ask!

AuntyMag10 · 05/06/2015 17:16

What do you mean you asked him and he doesn't want to? Does he just say no?

LokiBear · 05/06/2015 17:17

The photos dh took of me straight after dd was born was terrible. He didn't even wait for me to smile, I'm half way through saying something and it looks like I'm having a go at someone when caught unawares. He several perfect shots of my placenta though . I feel your pain. I agree with others, you must tell him to take some. I wish I'd got dh to take a few more of me and dd so I might have a nice picture of the moment of DD's birth. Tell him now!

Original poster

ApocalypseThen · 05/06/2015 17:19

Why won't he take them?

I don't know. That's the part that I find particularly difficult, that there hasn't been a single moment that he thinks the baby would like to see in the future. He's not allergic to cameras at all - he's taken pictures of his family with the baby (discounting me as part of his family, naturally).

OP posts:

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