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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really be quite upset about the lack of photos?

56 replies

ApocalypseThen · 05/06/2015 16:46

My new baby will be two weeks old tomorrow. I've taken loads of pictures of her with all our friends and family, and loads of her with my husband.

He has taken none (0) of me. There is no photo of when the doctor gave her to me after her birth. None in the hospital. None coming home. None of us meeting friends and family. None of me just cuddling her.

I find this quite upsetting and I don't really understand why he doesn't want to take these pictures. I've mentioned it now twice and I've asked him to take some but it's not happening.

Would you be upset about it or am I just being stupid?

OP posts:
Original poster
ApocalypseThen · 05/06/2015 17:23

What do you mean you asked him and he doesn't want to? Does he just say no?

No, not exactly. He said he didn't think and that he should have and that he would in the future. He just hasn't since. I didn't want to harp on about it when it still isn't happen in and I know I'm a bit baby bluesy at the moment so I thought I'd get some opinions from here as to whether it's just hormones doing the talking now or whether I should insist.

OP posts:
GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 05/06/2015 17:25

Insist! Hand him the camera/phone and say you'd like a photo right now please. Get the baby dressed, do your hair and makeup the way you like it, and hand him the camera.

Bunbaker · 05/06/2015 17:27

If it doesn't occur to him just ask him to take a photo of you and the baby whenever you want one taking.

AmyElliotDunne · 05/06/2015 17:28

Harp on about as much as you need to. You're not asking him to climb Everest, you're asking him to hold a teeny piece of equipment and press a button. He can spare 30 seconds to do something that will make you and your DC happy and if he needs it spelling out every day for the next 20 years, do it!

Hopefully he will grasp how important it is to you if you keep on about it.

AspieAndNT · 05/06/2015 17:31

I'm the same. In years to come my boy's will look at all the albums I have created and wonder why I never went with them to any places. My DH said it's because I always hold onto the camera.....THAT'S BECAUSE OTHERWISE WE WOULD HAVE NONE OF OUR DAY OUT. .....sorry...... and breath.....

purpler · 05/06/2015 18:06

Another one here...i have to ask specifically. We have hundreds of lovely natural shots of dh with dd and sweet fuck all of me. I want a beautiful playing with my child shot but it'll never happen. Or if he takes a picture he will take one and never mind if I have my eyes closed etc. yanbu Flowers

AllTheNamesIWantHaveGone · 05/06/2015 18:20

.... yet another one here. It grates on me. It really does. DS is 18 months and there are literally a handful of him and me yet several thousand of him with the inlaws

I raised it with DP once that there are tons of nice ones of him and DS - his reply was that although he might be in most of the photos the smile from DS in them was actually directed at me taking the photo ....... softens the annoyance a little bit I suppose ......

CakeNinja · 05/06/2015 18:24

Same story here too! Although I'm not bothered, I look atrocious in photos, natural or not.
dp has occasionally taken a photo of me with the dc, maybe 5/6 in over 10 years. Just the one each time though - one of them has got my collar all flapped up in my face from the wind, one of them there is a carrier bag blocking my face, and another one dd2 is holding her toy over me Grin

I take loads of candid ones of him with the dc that I like looking at, but he's not into taking them and I'm not wanting them.

But as you do, you'll have to keep insisting. He may never do it on the spur of the moment, but you may just eventually have to accept that.

HeresMyBrightIdea · 05/06/2015 18:30

There are no pictures of me as a baby. There are two of me in childhood - a school photo taken with my sisters, and a photo of me with a rabbit. That it is. I have no idea why, there are plenty of pictures of my older and younger siblings.

I'm not sure if it's possible to see any kind of gladness that you do at least have some photos of her in her first days, so she'll have those and really appreciate them, and make a point of telling him to get a camera and take a photo now from this point on?

I know it sounds like crap advice, and I know it will always feel like he should just do it, like you do, but at least one of you did!

Yika · 05/06/2015 18:32

Same for me. Really just ASK and bang on about it until he develops the reflex. It's hard to feel you need to ask and I can see why you would feel upset. I also did. (And have few photos of me with my newborn or very young DD - but you only need a few good ones really).

Lunastarfish · 05/06/2015 18:40

I'm a little worried about this. I'm due in 6 weeks and will have to tell my DP to take photos of me with our child.

When we go on holiday i'm always taking pictures of him but he rarely takes any of me. I don't have any pictures of me at our last holiday. I don't quite understand as DP loves taking photo of the scenery when we're are away.

Our friends have pictures of them as couples in their homes. We have none. In the 3 years we've been together we maybe have 5 pics of us together (but only on fb/the laptop). I know its somewhat irrational but i find it rather upsetting. I have spoken to DP about it before but I feel a bit desperate saying 'Can you take a picture of me with the Eiffel tower'.

Lunastarfish · 05/06/2015 18:43

Posted too soon!

Last week I mentioned that I don't have any 'bump' pictures. Our mirrors aren't in good locations for me to take a selfie. DP said he'd take some at the weekend, 7 days later I'm still waiting.....

So, I understand how you're feeling OP

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 05/06/2015 18:53

my dp doesn't instinctively take pics but ive taken lots of selfies of me and dd's. some of my favourite pics are selfies ive taken with the girls. last year I took one of us laying on the beach with our heads together and they are both laughing. makes me smile when I see it Grin

Holden10 · 05/06/2015 19:21

I have a 9 day old and just realised I'm having the same issue. Unfortunately ended up crying when telling dh about it! He now thinks he's worlds worst and is gutted even though I didn't mean to make him feel bad! My advice op would be try not to break down like I did Hmm

tocmrpouce · 05/06/2015 19:31

Yanbu. There are hundreds of photos of everyone in my Dh's family with Dd when she was born and only 1 of me and some selfies. It's very frustrating. Keep on insisting.

soverylucky · 05/06/2015 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BehindEveryCloud · 05/06/2015 19:36

YANBU

Another one here! I'm always taking candid pics whereas the ones with me and DS are after I have specifically asked so becomes pose-y Angry

I'd rather have those than nothing though, so make sure you keep at him.

Agree re: selfies, some of my best with newborn are taken myself and I love them. They feel so intimate and private, like he's all mine (sorry DH)

I hope hearing you're not alone makes you feel less sad about it - it doesn't change the situation but may reassure you that it's not necessary a reflection on you, he's probably just clueless about what a big deal it is.

DeidreChambersWhatACoincidence · 05/06/2015 19:37

Yaddnbu. Mine are all teens now but there is a distinct lack of me in pictures of them as newborns. It's probably because I never pushed for them at the time (probably felt I didn't look my best or whatever) but I do regret it v much. We seem to have 100's though with every other passing person. Makes me feel quite Sad and Hmm tbh at yet another photo with grandma or whoever.

Get going on those photos! Insist!

Yarp · 05/06/2015 19:37

YANBU

The early times with my DS1 were difficult - difficult birth, PND etc. The pictures I have of me cuddling him reassure me and remind me that we did have a bond and I did know what I was doing, even though it didn't feel that way at the time.

Insist - tell him that it's important to you

Yarp · 05/06/2015 19:42

Even if you are baby busy, what's the harm in asking again? What's the worst that could happen? It's important to you now, so it's important!

Yarp · 05/06/2015 19:42

Bluesy, not busy

RhinosAreFatUnicorns · 05/06/2015 19:48

I know how you feel. DH never thinks to take a picture, so I do selfies or ask him outright.

It just isn't as important to him to take photos in general whereas I have always got my phone out and take lots hundreds of pictures of DD. I want her to be able to see all the fun we had and have all these memories.

Taja123 · 05/06/2015 19:59

YANBU my DP is the same. Was devastated to realise I am the only one not pictured with my DD in hospital after she was born. That time has gone now. Because if this can't fill in her record book on day born page as there would be no pic of DD and mummy(actually sod 'cant' told DP just not happening if no mum and baby hospital pics then baby and others taken at hospital not going in the book also.I'm mummy, grew a human being and got cut open by surgeon, so a sign that I was involved with the birth would have been nice) now make sure I take selfies or ask my adult DS too. I don't care if I am BU so mad and upset by this. Btw have kept the pics on PC fir memories still.

Taja123 · 05/06/2015 20:01

Meant because Of not if

ConnortheMonkey · 05/06/2015 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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