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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hellish upcoming dinner party: WWYD?

265 replies

Nettletheelf · 05/06/2015 12:05

DH and I are invited to a dinner party tomorrow evening. The hostess is somebody we've known for a long time, although we don't see as much of her as we used to, and her new-ish partner.

Until today, we thought that it would be six for dinner: our friends, us and another couple DH and I know well and like.

We discovered today that another couple are invited. The female half is horrendous. Around five years ago, I got to know her slightly through a community activity (I won't say what it was for fear of outing myself). She'd taken umbrage at something I'd said to somebody else (which wasn't horrible: I'd asked the other person to do something they'd previously agreed to do, but hadn't done) and sent me a really spiteful e-mail full of insults and saying that she'd only asked me to be involved in the activity because she "felt sorry for me" and "thought I didn't have many friends".

I showed the e-mail to a couple of close friends and they couldn't believe the venom. (FYI I have lots of friends and I am very popular, but I don't think that logic or truth matter much to this person.)

I was really shocked and upset by it, so I've avoided this person ever since. As any sensible woman would. This person later had an affair with her then best friend's husband, so, you know, nice woman.

I don't think that I can sit at a table with this woman. I loathe her too much and her presence will spoil the evening. However, I think it would be rude to cancel on our hosts at such short notice.

What would you do? Also, any tips for coping strategies?

OP posts:
TallulahFallula · 06/06/2015 21:31

Watching so avidly it's pathetic :-D

Lizzylou · 06/06/2015 21:31

Suggest shots? Tequila?

DustBunnyFarmer · 06/06/2015 21:37

How are you managing to text? Do they all think you have a urinary tract infection?

Radiatorvalves · 06/06/2015 21:37

Can you talk about infidelities?

CatherineOfAbdomen · 06/06/2015 21:39

Am I awful for loving the assassination of her clothes and makeup.

butterfly133 · 06/06/2015 21:51

Okay, wait till she says something she thinks is clever, regeneration a good topic for such stuff. Then say "so well expressed! But I've admired your turn of phrase since our last email exchange, do you remember?" And laugh, Lucia like.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 06/06/2015 21:53

Make some comment about needing more and more houses because of the soaring divorce rate in older age groups? Wink

CactusAnnie · 06/06/2015 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ethelb · 06/06/2015 21:58

Cactus, I get the impression they all live in the same area.

DartmoorDoughnut · 06/06/2015 22:09

Fingers crossed you found a way to get her to stop talking

MammaTJ · 06/06/2015 22:13

Try to get a game of 'Truth or dare' going! That could be fun!

Ask her if shagging best mates DH counts as 'regeneration'.

Oh I dunno! Have some fun!

Mintyy · 06/06/2015 22:13

"Am I awful for loving the assassination of her clothes and makeup."

No, a bit childish maybe.

DancingHat · 06/06/2015 22:17

Let's see how this ends then...

SuperFlyHigh · 06/06/2015 22:24

Best course of action anything bitchy do with a little laugh and head tilt (all innocent like). You can always blame the heat and wine if you do say anything a bit close to home. I've blamed heat and wine before now!

ARealPipperoo · 06/06/2015 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FunnyHowThingsWorkOut · 06/06/2015 22:37

I'm with timely. Just turn to the person next to you and say you can't wait for the new season of OITNB and you're off.

Nettletheelf · 06/06/2015 22:52

They have left! Managed to wrestle the conversation away from her, Lucia style (Mapp & Lucia) by thinking, 'Lucia triumphant!'. She was definitely trying to engage me, but I don't think I was the only guest who wished she would stop talking. Recovered a bit of booze ground when she necked a glass of port and started talking about the poems she chose for her wedding. More later.

OP posts:
redshoeblueshoe · 06/06/2015 22:55

Spoilsports Grin

hellinabreadbasket · 06/06/2015 23:07

Await the debrief with wine in hand

Nettletheelf · 06/06/2015 23:51

OK, I am home and can debrief fully. I could only do short updates from my spot 'on the ground'.

So, to recap: they turn up 15 minutes late. Blown about by the wind (we are in a posh bit of the north of England). Sleeveless top inadvisable on incipient bingo wings. Full skirt with print, not too bad. Bright red lips, foundation too pale, hard, ageing black eyeliner. Her husband looks really tense and edgy. She leans over to me, where I am sitting with my glass of champagne on the sofa, and kisses me on the cheek with a gritted teeth smile. I don't move towards her, but simply say, "Hi!" in a slightly vague way. A good start. Also shake hands with her husband.

Keeps trying to 'draw me in' by using my name and looking at me. I practice my false smile. I am up to her and her tricks!

At the table, I image to sit not facing her (a result) between my DH and hers. She sneakily starts asking our hostess about her children and reminisces about things they did when younger (LOOK AT ME, OTHER GUESTS, I AM THE HOSTS' BEST FRIEND AND YOU'RE NOT SO THERE).

[Menu:

starters: crostini with lovely things on top (jamon serrano, goats' cheese & fig, edamame beans with manchego)

main course: lasagne or aubergine bake, home baked olive and tomato bread, salad.

pud: macadamia nut cheesecake or pannacotta, followed by cheese & port.

I hope you enjoyed the vicarious consumption.

An excellent effort by our lovely hosts! I didn't say anything that might upset them, BTW. Especially not asking about the former best friend. Nasty Pasty's husband is the bloke she was with then split up from post affair (see 'sitting drunkenly in the sink on New Year's Eve' post for further details) and subsequently got back with, so in view of his tenseness thought it best not to mention anything in case he went postal]

All going well (she is drinking steadily and starting to sound a bit manic) when, as if she could read my bad thoughts, she suddenly slows down and asks for a glass of water! Our host is pouring so no opportunities for glass sabotage. I sent 'be drunk and embarrassing' vibes her way, but she was off on one about urban regeneration. Action was needed, so I took it by changing the subject during a lull, to a topic another guest was an expert on. Unfortunately, Mapp has a view on everything but I found my conversational mojo. Lucia triumphant. Helped by one of the other guests who kept smiling sideways at me when the nasty pasty was rambling on.

The cheese saved me, because she had a glass of port (which I hate) and that seemed to stun her a bit. Her poor DH barely said a thing. I don't suppose he has many chances. They left, bleating about babysitters. She didn't dare try to kiss me on the cheek on exit.

I am so glad that I went! She was definitely on the back foot, although it didn't stop her monopolising the conversation (ME ME ME, this is what I think). Don't mess with me, husband stealer! Mumsnet rules!

OP posts:
HellKitty · 06/06/2015 23:55

Yay yay yay!!! So glad you went! I've been waiting all night for an update but had to watch a film and then help DP choose the best nasal hair remover on Amazon. So you can imagine I needed some excitement Grin

BitOfFun · 06/06/2015 23:59

Good result. You appreciated your host, and kept your dignity. Well done!

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 07/06/2015 00:08

Marvellous! Menu sounds delicious, you sound to have come out of it v well - Stars all round!

Pancakeflipper · 07/06/2015 00:09

Ooh tasty food. I think I love the hostess.

Notgrumpyjustquiet · 07/06/2015 00:10

Excellent work Nettle, nil carborundum desperandum or whatever it is.

Hoping you might soon feel it only proper to return the gesture seeing as you had SUCH a SOOPER time and invite them all round to yours where, as hostess with mostest, obviously you will be in sole charge of the booze rationing