Hellish upcoming dinner party: WWYD?

[Nettletheelf]

DH and I are invited to a dinner party tomorrow evening. The hostess is somebody we've known for a long time, although we don't see as much of her as we used to, and her new-ish partner.

Until today, we thought that it would be six for dinner: our friends, us and another couple DH and I know well and like.

We discovered today that another couple are invited. The female half is horrendous. Around five years ago, I got to know her slightly through a community activity (I won't say what it was for fear of outing myself). She'd taken umbrage at something I'd said to somebody else (which wasn't horrible: I'd asked the other person to do something they'd previously agreed to do, but hadn't done) and sent me a really spiteful e-mail full of insults and saying that she'd only asked me to be involved in the activity because she "felt sorry for me" and "thought I didn't have many friends".

I showed the e-mail to a couple of close friends and they couldn't believe the venom. (FYI I have lots of friends and I am very popular, but I don't think that logic or truth matter much to this person.)

I was really shocked and upset by it, so I've avoided this person ever since. As any sensible woman would. This person later had an affair with her then best friend's husband, so, you know, nice woman.

I don't think that I can sit at a table with this woman. I loathe her too much and her presence will spoil the evening. However, I think it would be rude to cancel on our hosts at such short notice.

What would you do? Also, any tips for coping strategies?

[Notgrumpyjustquiet]

Cactus Er, not as a general rule!

[DoJo]

The only thing i really object to here is the "husband stealer" bit.

In fairness though, this was the husband of her best friend, so it's not a case of some random man being let off the hook because the temptress got her hooks in him, so much as someone treating a friend appallingly by sleeping with her husband. In this situation, I think the 'husband stealing' refers to the disloyalty towards her friend as opposed to the actual act of sleeping with the married man.

[Notgrumpyjustquiet]

If the 'other party' does recognise herself she might now consider the swift purchase of a sparkly bolero or two, very flattering I'm told, if all one has to hand are sleeveless numbers...

[hellsbellsmelons]

Just came on the see the update.
You go!
That menu sounds absolutely delicious.

[echt]

And anyone here who has never thought bad thoughts about A. N. Other who has been evil to you in the past, whether you think it in your head or tell your friends then you are better people than me. Or lying.

No-one has claimed not to have uncharitable/ageist/sexist thoughts on MN. The whole point is saying them in public on a forum such as this.

[HellKitty]

Feck

I'm proud that I was one of the posters who suggested the OP go, not for my entertainment - I had a busy evening choosing a nasal hair clipper for DP - but for her own sanity. The OP definitely didn't want to go but felt she'd be letting the hostess down, she'd feel awkward, this other woman was a bitch to her. The OP went and this unhinged shag'a'bout was reduced to nothing. No fear or worry to be had. The OP no longer has to worry about bumping into her and being wrong footed. The evening was a great success and OP enjoyed herself. Job done.

And anyone here who has never thought bad thoughts about A. N. Other who has been evil to you in the past, whether you think it in your head or tell your friends then you are better people than me. Or lying.

The OP did brilliant and won't be wondering what happened at the dinner party she was going to miss.

[FeckTheMagicDragon]

I've just asked my sister what she thinks of the phrase 'incipient bingo wings'
She responded 'Oh sweetheart, you don't have incipient bingo wings ... They are fully fledged'


Bitch.
:)

[cotswolds5]

Well there is enough detail for the other party to recognise situation so actually the insults re appearance could be read by the other party so in a way it could be like saying it to her face.

[echt]

Read the OP's OP: I don't think that I can sit at a table with this woman. I loathe her too much and her presence will spoil the evening. However, I think it would be rude to cancel on our hosts at such short notice.

There was areal dilemma for the OP, and she was quite rightly congratulated for being the bigger person and not cancelling at the last moment. Yes, the updates were funny.

I just don't think it's ever acceptable to make fun or implicitly criticise something someone can't help, e.g. the 'incipient bingo wings". By all means pile into her mega-boring manners.

[Pastaeater]

echt the whole thread was tongue-in-cheek and obviously not meant to be taken seriously from the beginning. You are, of course, entitled to your opinion, but it seems strange to me to read a thread full of light hearted insults and then suddenly become offended and feel obliged to tell the OP that they have behaved in an unpleasant way.
Why be so judgemental and heavy handed?

[echt]

Okay, here goes, upthread someone remarked that the observation re the bingo wings wasn't said to her face, so fine.

When people post about someone and mention their age or colour when irrelevant, they get pulled up on it, and quite rightly so.The bingo wings is a case in point.

The woman's behaviour on its own, all in the OP, was cause enough for an amusing thread, so probably why Doggygirl, as I did, RTFT, only to be bit dismayed at the later snide remarks about her appearance.
So, pastaeater, I don't think Doggygirl* was being prissy and sanctimonious. Unless you reserve that description for those who don't happen to agree with you.

[Pastaeater]

Doggygirl why bother to read this if you don't like way it has been presented?
No point in reading all the way through just in order to make a prissy and sanctimonious comment. If I don't particularly like the tone of something I am reading I just go on to the next thread.

[OnBlueDolphinStreet]

Revenge as sweet as some macadamia nut cheesecake with a dollop of pannacotta.

Entertain the nest of vipers - why not?

[Doggygirl]

Pasta - indeed, I am sanctimonious.

However, the description of this dinner party smacks of "playing to the house". In other words, the OP attended the party just to score points off Bingo Wings in order to entertain.

[MrsTedCrilly]

Totally agreed Mermaid If she's a stealer then he allowed himself to be stolen.. Some people think men are dogs vulnerable to temptation.

[quietasamouse]

This feels like a bit of a big nothing to be honest. No great drama so lots of nasty detail about the woman's appearance! Glad the evening went by without event, although I'm guessing we'd all have found it juicier if it hadn't!

[Pastaeater]

No point in getting all sanctimonious now Doggygirl.

[Number3cometome]

Nothing was said to her face, so it's not really being bitchy now, because she won't even hear it so it has no effect on her.

Well done OP, you kept your cool and didn't let your host down.

[MrsTedCrilly]

Nasty people deserve all the bile headed their way.. Being the bastard they are is what makes them ugly. A nice person who had looked the same as the woman in question wouldn't have had any scathing remarks. (unless by another nasty person)

[FeckTheMagicDragon]

Oh I love a good bitch fest about a nasty person. Something about being normal and doing nothing bad, but watching people who have done you wrong get their comeuppance is delightful. I had a similar experience at a school reunion. Still makes me smile. :)

[Trills]

Dinner sounds lovely.

Glad you didn't have to miss out on your evening.

[Italiangreyhound]

Menu sounds yummy you are making my mouth water, but then it is lunch time.

[Doggygirl]

Something nasty about this thread.

Whilst the woman sounds unpleasant, the OP sounds rather unkind - bitching about bingo wings and the woman's make up!