To think this lady should have asked if it was OK?

[Marmiteandjamislush]

Hi,

I was at the gym this afternoon, (vv. small council run place, no family room) anyway I finished my session and went to get changed. I don't do a full strip and shower (wait til I get home) but I do like to change clothes so I can run errands on the way back. Anyway, gym has children's trampolining class this afternoon, I was in the changing room getting ready and a lady came in with her daughter (4 yo at most) to get ready. She saw me in there and then I heard her say 'Yes you come in too [son's name]. Son, would say 7/8yo comes in and has a real gawp at my bra as he walks past and I could feel him watching me from the corner of the room. I changed and left and booked a class at reception. A few minutes later Mum and DC emerge and sit at a table, waiting for the class to begin (I think this is important because it shows there was no rush) I go out to the car, as I'm getting in the car (small car park) Dad arrives to take Son home.

AIBU to think the mother could have said, 'Sorry, but I've no one with me to watch him, do you mind if I bring him in?' this would have at least allowed me to be fling my t-shirt on before he came in?

FYI - Have two DSs 4 & 6 yo and know how hard it can be and wouldn't have minded, I just think it was rude not ask.

yanbu
I would have complained to reception

If her son had been getting changed, then presumably you wouldn't have expected her to ask you if it was ok for him to come in, and if she wasn't happy to leave him outside, then asking would have been pointless as she was clearly going to have to bring him in anyway.

If it made you feel uncomfortable YS

YANBU.

It's a bit awkward having a son that age. A bit too young to be left outside (depends on child obviously) but getting a bit big to get away with being in ladies loos and changing rooms.

I can't see why a 4 year old girl couldn't get dressed in main area (assuming there's space) and not need to bother with a changing room. She should have said 'Do you mind?' and you could have said 'I'll just be two minutes' or whatever.

If she'd asked, it would have given me warning and I'd have flung my t-shirt on quick. I just think it's polite to ask, I had no problem with him coming in, but if I'd have known, I could control how much I had on show IYSWIM.

I assume Mum was scoping out the changing room ahead of inviting her son in? And obviously she was comfortable with you in a bra.

I'm not overly sure I'd be too concerned, to be honest. But I appreciate that a quick "Is it OK for my son to come in?" would have been polite.

I think she was very inconsiderate yes, she was only looking to check her son would not see anything too revealing, like full frontal nudity, she was not thinking at all about those being seen.

If you're that upset about a 7 year old child seeing your bra, I think its you with an issue that needs addressing, and you shouldn't get changed in semi-public places.
He was a small boy. What can it possibly matter if he laid eyes on your bra?

Was a Pilates, so not too sweaty Cactus!

Winter, it's the mother not the son, who I had the issue with.

It's such an awkward age isn't it? I don't think I'd have been too bothered, a bra's just like a bikini isn't it?

but if the mum was aware enough to check out changing rooms for nekkid people to spare the son blushes then she should maybe have been aware enough to think you might not feel comfortable either.

If he's 7 he's allowed in there while you're getting changed. What did you think he was going to do? Why are you so uncomfortable about a child seeing you semi-clothed?

Erm, he was 7 and you were in your bra changing, not naked and showering or whatever. I think yabu tbh.

It's the same thing: you have a problem with her because she let him come in. My point being the same, if you're mad at her because she let a 7 year old boy see your bra, its really your problem.

Plenty of gym goers at our place wear just shorts and a cropped bra top. Not much difference really

You know what? I don't think there is any issue about a boy that age seeing a lady in underwear. It's not a teenager. You didn't show anything you wouldn't show at the beach. Where is the problem??

I'd feel uncomfortable with a 7 year old gawping at me in my bra.

His mother could at least have told him not to stare - very rude.

so it's not ok for a little boy to see you getting changed and yet there are many threads on mumsnet at the moment about how transgender women shouldbe allowed in women only spaces like changing rooms?

he's a child fgs-he saw your bra-so what?

A bra really isn't that interesting to a 7 year old, no more interesting than a bikini top, which, presumably, you'd wear in the presence of children of all ages. The mother probably thought he was ok being in there because nobody was naked.

I hate this. Yes he's a little boy still, but he's probably curious too. And you don't have to be stared at if you don't want it.
A quick 'it's polite to keep your eyes to yourself in changing rooms' usually does it.

Depends on the rules of the gym - usually they specify the maximum age a child can use the opposite sex changing rooms.

I wouldn't Shatners, but that's because I don't wear bikinis not because there may be children, IYsWIM.

I would have complained to reception. He was old enough to sit in reception and wait for her.

YANBU

What if it was a little girl staring?