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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this lady should have asked if it was OK?

112 replies

Marmiteandjamislush · 04/06/2015 16:52

Hi,

I was at the gym this afternoon, (vv. small council run place, no family room) anyway I finished my session and went to get changed. I don't do a full strip and shower (wait til I get home) but I do like to change clothes so I can run errands on the way back. Anyway, gym has children's trampolining class this afternoon, I was in the changing room getting ready and a lady came in with her daughter (4 yo at most) to get ready. She saw me in there and then I heard her say 'Yes you come in too [son's name]. Son, would say 7/8yo comes in and has a real gawp at my bra as he walks past and I could feel him watching me from the corner of the room. I changed and left and booked a class at reception. A few minutes later Mum and DC emerge and sit at a table, waiting for the class to begin (I think this is important because it shows there was no rush) I go out to the car, as I'm getting in the car (small car park) Dad arrives to take Son home.

AIBU to think the mother could have said, 'Sorry, but I've no one with me to watch him, do you mind if I bring him in?' this would have at least allowed me to be fling my t-shirt on before he came in?

FYI - Have two DSs 4 & 6 yo and know how hard it can be and wouldn't have minded, I just think it was rude not ask.

OP posts:

overmydeadbody · 04/06/2015 17:35

Would you have minded if it was a girl? A 6 year old girl might have gawped at you too.

I think YABU. If you get changed in a public changing room you should expect people to see you. Some people even might gawp at you, if they are little.

Sometimes in public changing rooms I do look, very subtly, it's just curiosity about other people's bodies.

DoJo · 04/06/2015 17:35

He was old enough to sit in reception and wait for her.

The OP is only guessing at his age, and he might be particularly 'young' for his age or nervous about being alone.

YouTheCat · 04/06/2015 17:37

A child over 5 is old enough to know it's rude to stare.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 04/06/2015 17:37

"I could feel him watching me"

This is quite an accusation to make against a very young boy. I doubt you would have said the same about the same aged girl, which makes the attitude kinda creepy.

Womaninsack · 04/06/2015 17:40

A 7/8 NT child is quit ecapable of waiting outside a changing room for his mother for ten minutes.

Ridiculous, mollycoddling , entitled behaviour.

yetanotherchangename · 04/06/2015 17:43

Why is it entitled behaviour if the child is allowed to be in the changing room?

DoJo · 04/06/2015 17:43

A 7/8 NT child is quit ecapable of waiting outside a changing room for his mother for ten minutes.

But we don't know whether he is either of those things.

Mehitabel6 · 04/06/2015 17:45

I really don't see why 'would you mind if he was a girl' has anything to do with it. It was a female changing room and he was perfectly capable of sitting on his own with a book for 10 minutes. There is absolutely no need to make him go in with his mother and sister when he didn't even need to get changed.

SmilingHappyBeaver · 04/06/2015 17:46

YABVU

I could feel him watching me from the corner of the room

So you have absolutely no idea whether he was actually watching you. Just a "feeling". I think you have some serious issues. In my gym (a big large chain) boys are allowed under into the women's changing room up to and including age 8. There are 7/8 year old boys all over the place and no-one bats an eyelid; in 10 years of gym membership have I ever seen a 7/8 year old boy pay any attention to a half dressed woman (or even a naked one!).

I can't believe how entitled you are that you think another woman should ask your permission to bring her young pre-pubescent son into the same room as you.

It was a 7/8 year old boy FFS, not a sexual predator. Please don't complain to anyone about this... they'll think you are a complete nutter.

Calloh · 04/06/2015 17:46

I have a seven year old boy. He is my oldest and it would never occur to me to not bring him into the changing rooms with his islets and I in this situation. He sees me naked and I don't think he'd have any particular interest in a woman on the grounds of her nudity - if he stared it would be unconsciously and probably daydreaming about something entirely different (Lego probably).

I never realised people felt self-conscious around boys this age. I'm assuming this woman was equally unaware.

Calloh · 04/06/2015 17:47

Sisters not islets

CumberCookie · 04/06/2015 17:47

Does it make a difference about the sex of the child? If so I think you are being unreasonable. If it was just the fact that the child was staring at you and making you feel uncomfortable YANBU. The mother should have said "it is rude to stare - stop it."

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/06/2015 17:49

I think the point is the woman checked on her own level of discomfort - yep, no fanjos on display, in you come son, without checking on the OPs level of discomfort, which doesn't seem fair.

Whether or not the OP should or shouldn't be comfortable isn't the point IMO. She wasn't, but she wasn't asked. The mother wasn't consistent and that would bug me.

QuiteLikely5 · 04/06/2015 17:49

oh come on. She did nothing wrong at all.

Why are you suggesting that a child of any sex in the changing room is an issue?

You say the child wasn't the issue but would you be on here now if he wasn't there?

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 04/06/2015 17:50

*A 7/8 NT child is quit ecapable of waiting outside a changing room for his mother for ten minutes.

Ridiculous, mollycoddling , entitled*

Really? You know this how? My 7 year old has complicated epilepsy and cant be left alone in a public place. I do feel rather entitled to keep him supervised and y'know, alive. Sorry if that offends.

QuiteLikely5 · 04/06/2015 17:50

Yes but the woman was being considerate! She checked you weren't naked didn't she?

AtWorkNotW0rking · 04/06/2015 17:55

He's an 8 year old little boy. I've got one. Trust me, he might have looked at you but he won't have been the slightest bit interested in your bra.

I'd see your point if he was 13

Original poster

Marmiteandjamislush · 04/06/2015 17:56

OK, so it's pretty much an even split, fine. Just to clarify though, I was annoyed that the woman didn't think to ask me, that's all. I think it's important to teach kids boundaries and in UK we have male and female areas.The child was male, she should have asked I think to show the children manners ect.

OP posts:

Mehitabel6 · 04/06/2015 17:57

I find MN full of double standards. Lots of views that junior school age boys should be able to go into female changing rooms and then lots of complaints that boys and girls have to get changed together in the classroom for PE. It doesn't add up.Very odd that 8 yr old girls should be able to change separately but women shouldn't. Either all junior age boys should be quite welcome to use female changing rooms and boys and girls should get changed together in the same classroom OR both situations should have privacy- not OK for one but not the other.

CumberCookie · 04/06/2015 17:57

I see your point if he was 13

I work with 10-11 year olds and believe me I wouldn't want to get undressed - even to my bra - with a child that age in the room

Some do become aware/interested earlier.

LadyNym · 04/06/2015 17:59

YABU.

The mother's right to keep her son safe trumps your right to not feel a little uncomfortable.

favouritewasteoftime · 04/06/2015 18:00

I wouldn't expect the mother of a small boy to have to ask my permission to bring him into a changing room. Why are the British so squeamish about nudity? I think it's a bit 'unsisterly' to have this attitude towards a mother who's trying to look after her children, and a quite hostile to a little boy who is only following his mum's instructions to assume he is gawping.

Mehitabel6 · 04/06/2015 18:02

So can we agree, next time it comes up, that in the primary school all children can get changed together, in the same classroom?

Mehitabel6 · 04/06/2015 18:03

I don't mind as long as we are consistent.

SurlyCue · 04/06/2015 18:04

You couldnt feel him watching you. Your discomfort was what you felt. Your fear was that he was watching you but you could not feel him watching you.

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