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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this lady should have asked if it was OK?

112 replies

Marmiteandjamislush · 04/06/2015 16:52

Hi,

I was at the gym this afternoon, (vv. small council run place, no family room) anyway I finished my session and went to get changed. I don't do a full strip and shower (wait til I get home) but I do like to change clothes so I can run errands on the way back. Anyway, gym has children's trampolining class this afternoon, I was in the changing room getting ready and a lady came in with her daughter (4 yo at most) to get ready. She saw me in there and then I heard her say 'Yes you come in too [son's name]. Son, would say 7/8yo comes in and has a real gawp at my bra as he walks past and I could feel him watching me from the corner of the room. I changed and left and booked a class at reception. A few minutes later Mum and DC emerge and sit at a table, waiting for the class to begin (I think this is important because it shows there was no rush) I go out to the car, as I'm getting in the car (small car park) Dad arrives to take Son home.

AIBU to think the mother could have said, 'Sorry, but I've no one with me to watch him, do you mind if I bring him in?' this would have at least allowed me to be fling my t-shirt on before he came in?

FYI - Have two DSs 4 & 6 yo and know how hard it can be and wouldn't have minded, I just think it was rude not ask.

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 04/06/2015 19:03

Either junior aged boys can get changed with women and girls or they can't.

BettyCatKitten · 04/06/2015 19:14

It's all very British!
I spent some of my youth living in Sweden and people regularly got changed (yes, everything came off!) in public when swimming at the lakes.
Also mixed changing rooms and saunas (Some people naked).
Of course I was Shock when I first experienced this, but after a while didn't bat an eyelid.
We're so reserved about the body in this Country
I don't think a 7 year old boy seeing your bra is a big deal.

prepperpig · 04/06/2015 19:15

OK so feminists are now not concerned about the safety of their children? Hmm

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/06/2015 19:16

I think 8 is a reasonable cut off age for kids being in the changing so this case is borderline. On balance I think YABU as he is probably too young to be left outside for 10 mins while sister got changed.

Mehitabel6 · 04/06/2015 19:31

I wouldn't see it as a problem, although I can't see why he couldn't wait outside with a book at that age, but then I don't see anything wrong with junior school children getting changed together for PE- the way they always did.

yetanotherchangename · 04/06/2015 19:50

At 8 my DSs have just started popping to the shop (no roads to cross) by themselves or being left in the house for less than 5 minutes while I pop to the shop. Over the past year they have started showering or bathing by themselves. For just over a year they have been using the men's loos in restaurants etc together. That said, they are not yet ready to visit shops on their own while we are out in town or to go to a cafe by themselves. And they are not allowed to walk home from school or cubs by themselves (by the organisations, rather than by me). When they are 9 they will be old enough (according to the library) to be left in the library by themselves.

So in my view 8 is a transition age for being out in public for 10 minutes or so for an NT, reasonably confident child.

However, they aren't going through puberty yet and aren't really interested in women's bodies. I don't see why any woman should see them as more of a threat or disruption than a girl of a similar age.

ACSlater · 04/06/2015 19:51

Suppose it depends if he was 7 or 8! Most leisure centres say 8 year olds have to use their respective changing rooms but not 8 year olds.

Icimoi · 04/06/2015 19:57

The mother's right to keep her son safe trumps your right not to feel uncomfortable

But how would it any way compromise the son's safety to wait 30 seconds to let OP put a top on?

Pensfriends · 04/06/2015 20:06

I have a 7 year old DS and it has never occurred to me not to take him into the changing rooms. He is too young to leave alone outside, especially as I would be ages getting the younger DCs ready. I can assure you he would not be at all interested in looking at anyone's bra. He also knows it is rude to stare.

SomethingFunny · 04/06/2015 20:13

I am laughing at the idea that my 7/8 yr old boy could sit quietly reading a book in reception for 10 minutes!!

mom2twoteens · 04/06/2015 20:24

I also wouldn't want to be gawped at by a young lad. If he's old enough to gawp he's too old to be in there. He could have waited in reception for a few mins.

I hate to burst your bubble Moms but if you listen to boys of that age talking about girls and women they are not completely uninterested. Haven't they had the full sex education stuff by that age?

As for the bikini argument, I would sit on the beach in a bikini (if no one I knew was there LOL) but I wouldn't be outside in my undies.

LadyNym · 04/06/2015 20:37

But how would it any way compromise the son's safety to wait 30 seconds to let OP put a top on?

It might not but we (and the OP) don't know the child. The child may actually only be five and big for his age, may not be the sort of child who could be trusted to sit nicely without wandering off, may have ASDand be extremely panicked by being left. The fact is, the boy's mum - who knows him far better than any of us on here - didn't think it was appropriate to leave him outside.

SurlyCue · 04/06/2015 20:38

if you listen to boys of that age talking about girls and women they are not completely uninterested.

I know some women who are not completely uninterested in women.

prepperpig · 04/06/2015 20:38

No they haven't had any sex education at age 7 Hmm. Presumably you're in the US mom? Here they start that in year 5 at about age 9-10. Age 7 is year 2 or year 3.

Anyway are you suggesting a seven year old is sexually interested in a middle aged woman?

DS2 isn't even vaguely interested in girls other than as friends to play with. Plus he's quite used to seeing me naked so wouldn't be even vaguely interested in a middle aged woman in her bra either.

SurlyCue · 04/06/2015 20:41

Haven't they had the full sex education stuff by that age?

Not sure what sex education has to do with a woman in a bra.

getbusyliving · 04/06/2015 20:42

YABU

FatAli · 04/06/2015 20:44

This would not bother me in the slightest. Really, a small child of 7 or 8?

I think you're being a bit daft.

prepperpig · 04/06/2015 20:47

Of course having a sex education lesson then turns small seven year old boys into raging sexual predators getting their kicks from seeing middle aged women's bras.

Ridiculous.

Wideopenspace · 04/06/2015 20:48

prepper did you not know that? It is education in how to do sex to people

Grin
WeAreEternal · 04/06/2015 20:54

My DS is 8 and it would never occur to me to ask permission from other users to let him change in the female changing rooms with me at the gym/swimming pool.

I would also never leave him sitting somewhere outside the CR while I changed or allow him to go into the male CR alone.

He is a child, if it was a 10+ yrs old I could see your annoyance but I think it's pretty standard to take children into single sex changing rooms regardless of their gender.

aintgonnabenorematch · 04/06/2015 20:54

mom - reverse the genders. Imagine a 7 year old girl in a male changing room with her Dad, starting at a man getting changed.

If you said 'hate to burst your bubble but if you listen to girls of that age talking about boys/men they're not completely disinterested. Haven't they had sex ed at that age?'.

You would be flamed to hell and back and accused of all sorts of bizarre and possibly sinister ideas about children.

Have a word with yourself.

TheNumberfaker · 04/06/2015 21:21

Yabu.
The boy's mother didn't need to ask permission. If you don't want other women or children to see you in your bra, don't use communal changing rooms!
My 6 and 4 year old girls would probably have stared at you too...

ShatnersBassoon · 04/06/2015 21:23

A 7 year old gawping at a bra must be like Father Dougal stuck in the lingerie department; interest piqued, but totally innocent.

To think this lady should have asked if it was OK?
JustHavinABreak · 04/06/2015 21:43

OP I think the issue here is yours. He was a child. We can all argue about cut off points for this but the fact of the matter is that no two kids are the same. One 7 year old could be much "older" than another iyswim. The person who can best judge whether or not he would be ok on his own outside the changing room is his mother and she made a call that he needed to stick with her. I think parents really do have enough to do without having to check that their every move doesn't affect others' delicate sensibilities. If the son was 17 you might have a point but on this occasion I think YABU. If you feel that others need your permission for this kind of basic thing, then I'm not sure a public gym is for you.

blink1552 · 04/06/2015 21:50

It's just normal at that age though, isn't it? Our swimming pool has a rule that under 8s can't be unaccompanied in changing rooms, but 8+ need to be in own sex changing room. So until DS's 8th birthday I have to bring him into the ladies', which normally has naked women wandering about. It has never occurred to me to ask permission from any of the women changing at the time.

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