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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this lady should have asked if it was OK?

112 replies

Marmiteandjamislush · 04/06/2015 16:52

Hi,

I was at the gym this afternoon, (vv. small council run place, no family room) anyway I finished my session and went to get changed. I don't do a full strip and shower (wait til I get home) but I do like to change clothes so I can run errands on the way back. Anyway, gym has children's trampolining class this afternoon, I was in the changing room getting ready and a lady came in with her daughter (4 yo at most) to get ready. She saw me in there and then I heard her say 'Yes you come in too [son's name]. Son, would say 7/8yo comes in and has a real gawp at my bra as he walks past and I could feel him watching me from the corner of the room. I changed and left and booked a class at reception. A few minutes later Mum and DC emerge and sit at a table, waiting for the class to begin (I think this is important because it shows there was no rush) I go out to the car, as I'm getting in the car (small car park) Dad arrives to take Son home.

AIBU to think the mother could have said, 'Sorry, but I've no one with me to watch him, do you mind if I bring him in?' this would have at least allowed me to be fling my t-shirt on before he came in?

FYI - Have two DSs 4 & 6 yo and know how hard it can be and wouldn't have minded, I just think it was rude not ask.

OP posts:

Original poster

Marmiteandjamislush · 04/06/2015 18:04

Ok, I accept all opinions, but if it's Ok this way round why not use the Males changing room with the daughter? Genuine question as I would be interested to see if people think that would be ok.

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 04/06/2015 18:05

why not use the Males changing room with the daughter?

Because the adult with them was female

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 04/06/2015 18:08

Thank you OP for writing should have and not should of

ltk · 04/06/2015 18:12

Yanbu. She should have asked you/warned you. No brainer, I would have thought.

Wideopenspace · 04/06/2015 18:13

OP just out of interest, I am wondering what your personal 'cut off' point would be?

My 3 year old boy would deffo come in with me, and he'd be much more likely to exclaim loudly about whatever he saw. 'Mummy, why do you have such massive nipples' at full toddler volume...was my personal favourite, but I don't think he would reserve such comment for me.....

Is that more or less embarrassing?

WanderingTrolley1 · 04/06/2015 18:13

Yabu and extremely uptight.

Fleecyleesy · 04/06/2015 18:14

At ours, boys are allowed in the women's changing rooms up to age 8. So on that basis yabu really. She shouldn't have asked for your consent (or warned you) to use a changing room that she was perfectly entitled to use with her appropriately aged children.

What she should have done is explained to her ds in advance that is is rude to look at people when they are getting changed. I took ds in up to age 8 and told him never to stare or comment on someone's body as it was extremely rude.

I disagree that an 8yo isn't interested in boobs. They are certainly curious IMO but it's not in a sexual way.

Overall yabu unless she broke gym rules.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 04/06/2015 18:22

Yanbu, you should have asked.

I go to a gym at our local secondary school. It's run separately from the school and open yo the puvlic. Schoolchildren aren't allowed in during the school day.

I can't tell you the number of times I've walked out of the shower into the communal changing rooms, removed my towel in order to dress only to find 5 or 6 Year 9s in the corner skipping class

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 04/06/2015 18:26

I find MN full of double standards. Lots of views that junior school age boys should be able to go into female changing rooms and then lots of complaints that boys and girls have to get changed together in the classroom for PE. It doesn't add up.

It adds up just fine once you realise that its one load of people with one view and another load of people with another view. It's not a double standard as we're not a hive mind speaking with one voice.

Mehitabel6 · 04/06/2015 18:29

Just strange that people never stray onto the opposite threads!

SurlyCue · 04/06/2015 18:31

They arent opposite threads. They are different threads with different circumstances.

Pumpeedo · 04/06/2015 18:33

I doubt a 7 year old boy would be staring at you in your bra. Maybe he was wondering why you were staring at him in the corner?

aintgonnabenorematch · 04/06/2015 18:34

I think it depends on your rationale. Child of either gender should be told not to stare - good manners in my opinion.

I'm guessing you wouldn't expect the Mum to ask your permission to bring in a 7 year old girl (who may be as likely to stare).

So it's about his gender?. What specifically about it? That you would feel more uncomfortable with a male child looking at you in a bra?. Why?.

I'm not being goady - just trying to establish your thought process before I comment further.

And as an aside - I've been in lots of changing rooms with male and female children. I've found both as likely to look or even stare because it's an unfamiliar/interesting new body to look at.

Womaninsack · 04/06/2015 18:36

*YABU.

The mother's right to keep her son safe trumps your right to not feel a little uncomfortable.*

It's like feminism never happened....

Wideopenspace · 04/06/2015 18:38

woman why is that anything to do with feminism?

prepperpig · 04/06/2015 18:38

I take my seven year old into the ladies changing rooms at the swimming pool. He is young for his age and I wouldn't let him go into the boys on his own (although he does if he's with his brother).

He wouldn't be in the slightest bit interested in your bra

westcountrywoman · 04/06/2015 18:40

A 7/8 year old boy seeing me in my bra would not bother me in the slightest. I wouldn't expect to be asked if it was ok in this situation; if you were full on naked or he was older, then it would have been a bit different.
Most swimming pools I've been to permit young children of the opposite sex to enter the changing rooms with their parents up to about 8 or 9 years old.

Original poster

Marmiteandjamislush · 04/06/2015 18:44

Wide I think I would say 7, if the child had no ANs. Whatever age though, I think parents with opposite gender children in tow should ask out of courtesy.

OP posts:

Wideopenspace · 04/06/2015 18:46

Ok...so you would want me (for example) to ask permission to bring my 3 year old in? Because he is a boy? But not if he was a girl?

I'm really interested in this - is there a reason for this, or is it just a 'gut' reaction?

Branleuse · 04/06/2015 18:50

You cant help the way you feel I guess, and im sorry if youre worried about predatory 7 year olds watching you, but I think in communal changing rooms, its to be expected that there will be children of both sexes in there at times.

Mehitabel6 · 04/06/2015 18:53

Different threads with similar circumstances.

SurlyCue · 04/06/2015 18:54

Do you know there are probably women who watch you in the changing room OP? Ones who actually are thinking sexually about you when they do it.

Wideopenspace · 04/06/2015 18:56

THAT, surly is a very good point

SurlyCue · 04/06/2015 18:57

Different threads with similar circumstances.

But not the same, so still different. That matters for your purposes.

bobajob · 04/06/2015 19:02

If he's only 7 or 8 then I don't see the issue. Is there really a difference between a 7 year old boy and a 7 year old girl?

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