not to let dd go for a jog round local country park by herself in the evenings?

[CocktailQueen]

We live ten mins walk from a country park. You have to go along canal to get to it. DD is 11 and wants to go for a run by herself in the evenings along the canal, round country park then home.

AIBU not to let her?

If she had a phone, would that make it any different? She walks to school by herself but that seems different to me - more people around. Country park can be v quiet. Big deep lake too.

DH more inclined to let her go.

Can't think what I'm worried about - abduction? falling into lake? loose dogs in country park (often a problem)? It just feels wrong.

I totally understand where your coming from Barbarian, that has not stopped me going out at night, but I take precautions, e.g. a taxi home, not walk if its late at night, or take the longer route through a residential area, not the cut across a deserted park. Unfortunately we live in a day and age where you do have to be cautious, I am not saying stay at home after 5pm, but you evaluate risks and take precautions.

I'm a runner and have a 12 yr old DD.
I don't think I would be happy letting her run on her own at all at the moment, not because of all the scare-mongering about weirdos, etc but because any woman running on her own seems to be a target for gobby shites who want to yell at you! I'm 5'10" and over 50 and just get angry pissed off but a young woman could really have her confidence knocked by it and be put off for life. I do run on my own early in the morning and during the day but even in a mixed group during evening club runs we can get the idiots commenting, usually from cars!
Running is brilliant and can be very sociable, in your situation I would either go with her and make it into a thing you do together (or get your husband to go with her) and then look up your local parkrun and do that together. It's free, VERY inclusive and a fabulous community to be part of I'm not the Event Director of our local one oh no :)
Whatever you do don't let her be put off running, but try and make it a positive experience for her.

Personally I would let a sensible 11 yo do this. I ran in suburban NY regularly at this age.

For me it's really important that DD does not grow up thinking of herself as a potential victim. I don't want her sitting home afraid to run. Also IME running alone is great for physical and mental health.

But if you feel really uncomfy, why not say she can join a running club one weekday evening and then go round the park on a weekend morning?

Revolting, you ran in a built up suburban area, not an isolated country park.

Where the risks are higher in the evening, lack of light, not many people. The Police would probably agree.

Don't let her!

Oh yes, I remember being followed, at about 6pm in the evening one Dec, when I had to use the underpass with dd in the buggy. There was no other way, ran very fast through the underpass, until I hit the residential bit. But it unnerved me.

What with that, and my rollerblading incident, has made me more cautious. Whilst I want my teenager to have freedom, 11 is still very little.

YANBU

You are being sane.

No way would I allow that. And if I read of something happening to an 11 yr old girl who went out jogging on her own every evening around a lonely park, I would be wondering what on earth her parents had been thinking.

Barbarian that sounds so much more exciting than my job.

Love bats.

Thanks, all! You (pretty much all) said what I'm thinking.

We live in a small town, very safe area, low crime, and the canal is a 'naice' one - tourist boats etc., not criminals! Has never been any trouble on the towpath (sounds like a book title)!

I have gone out with dd to this park several times (btw, I meant in the evening while it is still light; I'm not suggesting she goes out there at dark!). I feel perfectly safe walking there myself.

I've also suggested she runs in the park beside our house or round the block (we live on a small estate), but dd wants a bit more freedom. Which I can understand.

She likes the wildlife in the country park too, not just the running.

Will have a chat with her this eve and see if we can come to a compromise. Cheers :)

I would be a No too.

I think teaching her the skills to deal with some gobby shites by running in town is a good life skill. Sadly I think the type of people who would be a threat to an 11yo girl running in an isolated place would be much more likely to be intending serious harm, and although the statistical risk is probably tiny, it would still be far too great for me.

Does she have an older brother or sister she could run with? And what about when the days get shorter? As a 35yo woman I hate running alone at dusk/dark, and so take a very large dog with me!

She could always jog round the local library

I have only read the first page - if it has moved on, I apologise.

I am 60 years old and when I was widowed, I 'inherited' an abused dog. We walked canals, forests and mountains. All very quiet places that I loved - and usually very safe. When he sadly died, I realised that HE had given me my independence to continue my life alone, so I got another one.

Perverts DO lurk - but not all day and every day. I don't see a bogey man behind every tree or bush, but I am an adult who can risk-assess in moments! Children can't because they are still learning the life skills.

DN (an only child whose Daddy had died) stayed with me almost every weekend. His Mum and I started to talk about transition to independence when he was 10 years old. We decided he was sensible enough at 10.5 years old (sensible is very child-dependent not age-dependent) and he was allowed to walk the dog alone with a mobile in his pocket. He was allowed to walk further and further as he showed us that he came back on time, contacted if he felt confused - or just wanted to phone in to say "A Okay".

BUT..... he wasn't allowed to go to the canal or the forest without the dog, unless he had 2 additional friends. I was lucky that my own next door neighbour was going through the same independence challenge with her two boys of similar age. I took them to all the picnic areas along the canal and the forest first. We talked about non-safe areas (mud slides where they COULD come down too fast and into the canal or sharp protruding stumps). In essence, I taught them how to risk-assess.

Then they were packed up with a little ruck sack of drinks and food, a mobile phone and last-minute instructions.

I only recall one really bad incident in 3 years - the youngest of the 3 had gone into the deep grass to retrieve a ball and disturbed a wasp-nest and they were all being stung. The eldest child kept his voice calm enough to phone for help whilst he was wafting wasps away .... I was there in the car within 7 minutes!

So, I suggest that you run with your DD first, teach her how to risk assess for MANY eventualities and let her go alone when you believe she has learned enough skills and her 'in emergency' reaction. (That may only be a couple of weeks)

TBH it'd depend what time of day she was going. Straight after school with lots of people around, not a problem.

Risk wise, running round the houses is probably just as bad...

I wouldn't in all honesty and I am fairly relaxed. However I do let DS (15 last week) run in the evenings, sometimes he goes out as late as 10pm. He has run in the evenings since around 12 I think. Statistically young men are the group most likely to be attacked or involved in a violent incident so I may have double standards here. Dd (11) walks home from school/goes to town etc alone however I would not be happy about the isolated location.

can someone tell me when a won a has been attacked in a country park in the last year?

Put it this way OP.
If you read in the paper that an 11 year old girl had been attacked while alone in a park, what would you think about her mother?

I think 11 is too young, maybe a couple of years older with friends.

Ivykaty44 - not in the last year, but I think this area is regarded as a country park - www.chesterchronicle.co.uk/news/chester-cheshire-news/alleged-rape-victim-tells-chester-6477377

No I wouldn't let my dd even at 14yo and Id say I'm quite laid back. She's been allowed out round the village on her own since 9yo, has been going into town on the train on her own since she was 11yo but there's something about a quiet country park in the evening which just is riskier. And yes it would be abduction Id be worried about.

A colleague walking her dog was attacked in a country park in last 12 months. She was able to get away. Another resident wasnâ??t.

So you can't find any attacks on woman in the last year? out of a population of 70 million people with 50% roughly female?

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