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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to let dd go for a jog round local country park by herself in the evenings?

103 replies

CocktailQueen · 02/06/2015 11:46

We live ten mins walk from a country park. You have to go along canal to get to it. DD is 11 and wants to go for a run by herself in the evenings along the canal, round country park then home.

AIBU not to let her?

If she had a phone, would that make it any different? She walks to school by herself but that seems different to me - more people around. Country park can be v quiet. Big deep lake too.

DH more inclined to let her go.

Can't think what I'm worried about - abduction? falling into lake? loose dogs in country park (often a problem)? It just feels wrong.

OP posts:

hennybeans · 02/06/2015 12:43

I don't think I would let her, no. From you description, it sounds a bit isolated and you mentioned evenings too. I might let her go if it was a busy weekend morning in a very open park with few places to hide and lots of families around. Better even if she has someone else to run with.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/06/2015 12:46

I do still go out at night, I walk to tge shops, friends houses, but I certainly would avoid tge areas that op describes, and keep to well lit residential or built up areas. I woukd also walk tge longer way round in the evenings, rather than cut through a deserted park and river area.

Soduthen116 · 02/06/2015 12:49

Absolutely no way. I wouldn't run in an area like this myself. Too isolated!

Run together round a popular park or the streets or go to a class together.

No no way.

DiscoMoo · 02/06/2015 12:53

I run, but there are certain routes I avoid. For example, I will run in one direction on the cycle path which leads me to a series of small villages, but not the other, which takes me through a wooded area with fewer people around, and where I was once followed by a man despite having a large dog with me.

It's all about assessing the risk. Only you can know how populated these areas are and whether there are civilisation points she could run to if needed.

Also, she should always always have a phone when running alone. I've lost count of the number of times I've fallen running, and on occasion I've had to ring DP to collect me as I've hurt myself. Obviously a phone does provide additional security for her anyway (and she can take pics as she runs!)

Floggingmolly · 02/06/2015 12:54

No! And a phone wouldn't make her any safer. Is there any sort of running club locally she could join?

midnightvelvet01 · 02/06/2015 12:57

I don't think that woodlands & countryside are much safer at night!

If we are talking about the man hiding in a bush scenario who intends to commit a crime involving a lone person, then the risk is a lot higher doing it in the daytime as there will be the possibility of more witnesses. In the daytime you will have dog walkers, ramblers/people going out for a stroll/parents with pushchairs etc. At night the risk of being seen or identified later is much less, so you would be more likely to do it at night when you have the additional cover of darkness, surely that's just common sense?!

worldgonecrazy · 02/06/2015 12:57

Unfortunately I think it's too risky. There are an awful lot of strange people out there. I was out at a countryside park, went off for a wander by myself and a very strange bloke dressed in combats emerged from a bush. Luckily my friends weren't too far away and he disappeared. Another friend of mine was jogging around a lake in another park when a mugger stepped out. Luckily she managed to floor him with a punch before he was able to hurt her. I'm often surprised by the high number of freaks out there at all times of day.

If she wants to run I would suggest busy-ish roads with plenty of passing traffic, etc. Having said that, at the age of 11 she is likely to draw negative attention from the kind of idiot who is now too scared to make sexual comments to older women who may see her as an easy target.

Maybe you could do it as a family run? That way you can both get fit?

TheCraicDealer · 02/06/2015 12:59

Nope, no way, especially if she falls into a routine and goes at roughly the same time / day every week. There's a bit more chance of someone targeting her if she sticks to a routine than just happening across a an attacker on one occasion. She's a child and she's vulnerable (especially if she ran with headphones in), I wouldn't be letting a boy go there on his own either. If she had a friend or sibling that would go with her happily then that would be a different matter.

A friend's sister was attacked in a county park just on the edge of the city here, midday, absolutely hiving with dog walkers and families. I wouldn't advise anyone running on their own in places like that- even if you disregard the "random attack" risk, she could trip or fall and sustain a serious injury and not be able to call for help.

pigsDOfly · 02/06/2015 13:03

You're right Barbarian those sort of people probably don't confine their activities to the hours of darkness, but I know I feel safer walking through the woods in daylight than I would in the pitch black of night.

Sometimes our fears have no real logic behind them but I still wouldn't let my 11 year old run in a lonely park on her own in the evening.

BarbarianMum · 02/06/2015 13:09

But midnight the point is, if you wanted to attack a lone woman waiting in the woods at 3am is unlikely to provide you with a victim. A cut-through just after school kicking out time or early evening would be more the thing.

I do bat and newt work and so spend a lot of time in the woods and fields in the dark and rarely meet anyone and certainly not other women after 10pm at night.

Notso · 02/06/2015 13:11

We have recently had similar with DD 15 wanting to run through the woods in a local beauty spot. It is a popular place but the paths curve and follow the river, it's possible to hear other people but never see them. So despite being well used it is still secluded.
We said not on her own. It was a tough descision and I am usually quite lenient with her going out and about. Far more than DH who doesn't like her walking a busy, main road home from DofE at 7:30 pm.

DD doesn't want to run in the local park, she has felt uncomfortable there as has had some lewd comments from a few older teenage boys

In any case I don't think phones are any protection whatsoever. There have been loads of cases locally of children being mugged for phones so could make them more of a target.

sparkysparkysparky · 02/06/2015 13:13

Go with her either on foot or by bike. If someone gets wind that there is a vulnerable young person out on their own at a regular time in a regular place they may target them. I'm sorry that it's so but it's so.

pasturesgreen · 02/06/2015 13:15

Another YANBU from me, I'd feel uneasy doing that myself and I'm 30.
With friends, though, it'd be different.

Focusfocus · 02/06/2015 13:16

There's the question of should. Every woman should feel able to go running or doing any activity at absolutely any time of the day. No woman should feel unsafe doing so.

Then there's the question of what is. What is - is that unfortunately we don't live in a perfect world. We will need to protect ourselves taking whatever measures suits our rationale. We should be able to leave our doors unlocked at all times, even when we are away, however we do not do so.

I'll take the example of my country of origin. Same concept. I should be able to walk along the streets of my city in a strapless top and shorts when it's 40 degrees. I should be able to also venture into narrow alleyways at evening time, wearing similar. I will, however, be raped.

I debate the risks of that, and I choose not to. It's very hard to express this accurately. It's got nothing to do with victim blaming in this case, but everything to do with considering the state of the society we have and having to adjust accordingly.

Dire social and mindset change is ASAP required. We shouldn't have to stop our girls from running at night, but at this moment, at this time, if I was the mum of a young girl, I would not let this happen. There are other risks she could run in broad daylight. Some of them I may or may not take.

sareenewbie · 02/06/2015 13:21

No way would I let her go. We have a country park nearby but, even in the day it's isolated and quiet. I went once just after we moved here but found it too risky, so won't go unless with other adults too.

bigTillyMint · 02/06/2015 13:22

I would be very happy that she wanted to go for a run, but not along the route you describe on her own. Could you or someone else go with her?

FWIW, DD(nearly 16) went out for a run with her phone the other night on a very busy route and I was worrying the whole time.

AuntieMaggie · 02/06/2015 13:24

I wouldn't do it so no I wouldn't let your dd - we've had several sexual assaults where I live in a very public place that is popular with runners in the middle of the day when it's busy and a mobile phone doesn't prevent something happening

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 02/06/2015 13:26

I'm not entirely sure why but I wouldn't be comfortable either.

I'm a runner and I do run in some secluded spots, I love being off road. I would happily run in the evening if it's still light but less so in the dark except on well lit streets.

I think at 11 you have less inner resources to assess and deal with any issues or risks though, even if that is just a sprained ankle of trip. I'd go with her.

midnightvelvet01 · 02/06/2015 13:28

Barbarian (with the bat & newt thing) are you a pointy hatted witch?

Ah I was thinking in the evening more than the dead of night, you are probably correct about 3am. I was thinking more of 9 or even 10 when a young girl is likely to be out running when all of the dog walkers & ramblers etc will be at home eating or settled with some wine. Fewer people around anyway to act as witnesses.

I live near a canal & from twilight onwards it just attracts some very strange people, no idea why. Along the lines of drunks, people who are homeless, teenagers in gangs, an old muttering lady in a shawl, people who appear on the surface to have mental health issues....they are strange places towpaths & I'd think twice about going on it alone at night. There are far too many places for people to hide.

oddfodd · 02/06/2015 13:29

I'd go with her or see if she can go with a friend. I wouldn't let her go on her own.

Whattonamemyselfnow · 02/06/2015 13:34

I wouldn't

Whattonamemyselfnow · 02/06/2015 13:35

And I'm not sure it's even a matter of age really as I wouldn't myself. Find a busy park or just run down a busy ish road (not a motorway obv and on the path). Alternative is there some kind of children's gym or is she too young

Whattonamemyselfnow · 02/06/2015 13:36

Is there a local park run on a weekend or something? Even a drive away where you could take her

BarbarianMum · 02/06/2015 13:40

midnight I wish but no, I'm an ecologist with no magic powers at all.

I agree with your last post about tow paths, they are one of the few places that make me really nervous and, honestly, in the OP's position I'd probably say no to my dd as well (although when I was in the dd's position I went anyway, which, ironically, lead to my career as I've never much liked running and preferred to stop and look at things).

Realistically though, you can get attacked almost anywhere at any time of day. So I think we have to be careful about constraining our movements in the hope that this will keep us safe, or we can easily end up going almost nowhere whilst still being at risk.

Noneedtoworryatall · 02/06/2015 13:48

Yanbu, it would be crazy to let her go alone.

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