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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

526 replies

LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 11:04

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

OP posts:
ALovelyTrain · 02/06/2015 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

netty7070 · 02/06/2015 13:15

It isn't childcare, I meant at the end.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 13:16

So who takes responsibility for an unaccompanied 9 or 10 year old?

You really think a kid that age can spend 3 hours in a branch without needing some assistance or reminding of the rules?

Speaking from experience no one with somewhere else to go, least of all children, spends 3 hours in the library.

BabyGanoush · 02/06/2015 13:16

or

"there is this adult seems to spend an inordinate amount of time talking with her, I don't think they are related"

but even if this child is 100% sensible at all times (is the possible?) is it actually legal to leave a 10 year old unsupervised for 3 hrs regularly?

KnitFastDieWarm · 02/06/2015 13:17

Blimey, no wonder people complain about teens being babied and failing to fly the nest! The child is TEN AND A HALF. She's past the age of criminal responsibility, she's about to go to secondary school which will probably involve travelling alone. A sensible ten and a half year old does not need a childminder and the OP is not asking the library staff to act in that capacity as far as I can see. She's not asking them to take any more responsibility for her daughter than they would for any other person using the library.

When I was ten and a half I was perfectly capable to taking care of myself in a public, well populated place in the daytime for a few hours and I (and my parents) would have been pretty astonished if anyone had suggested otherwise.

fiveacres · 02/06/2015 13:17

Re your second paragraph Silly - yes, I do. I could and did at ten and my eight year old is perfectly capable of entertaining himself quietly for a period of time somewhere with books and computers.

Many posters have confirmed they spent that length of time in the library by choice as children.

BadPoet · 02/06/2015 13:17

Cooger, a pp has already said that in her library they were required to notify SS in a similar situation.

KnitFastDieWarm · 02/06/2015 13:18

You really think a kid that age can spend 3 hours in a branch without needing some assistance or reminding of the rules?

I did it all the time at that age Hmm

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 13:18

If Op asks senior management is it ok for her DD to be alone in the library at the age of 10.5 they are going to say yes, SillyStuff. That's all she needs to ask them as that's all that's their business.

What age are you comfortable with a library user being alone in your library? What about vulnerable adults? Do you have specific Safeguarding training that covers various cohorts of library user?

Seffina · 02/06/2015 13:19

SS because a 10 year old is in the library alone? Confused

Another one here who spent plenty of hours in the library alone as a child, including as a 10 year old. My mum was usually at home at the time as well, does that make it better or worse?

Time can pass very quickly if you get into a book. At that age I could easily have been sat in one chair for the whole 3 hours reading a book - no bother at all.

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 13:20

Bet they weren't, BadPoet. Some frontline staff think you have to inform SS for unaccompanied children over the age of whatever the policy states, but being in the library alone is not, in itself, a valid reason for informing SS.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 13:20

Have you worked in many libraries?

I expect there's a lot of selective recall going on here.

3 hours is a long time for a ten year old.

KnitFastDieWarm · 02/06/2015 13:21

being in the library alone is not, in itself, a valid reason for informing SS.

I bloody hope not otherwise I'd have ended up in care Grin

DaysAreWhereWeLive · 02/06/2015 13:21

ahbollocks you just completely made that up! FFS.

KnitFastDieWarm · 02/06/2015 13:22

3 hours is a long time for a ten year old.

For ANYONE who doesn't enjoy reading, yes, that is a long time to sit in a library. For a bookish ten year old - no, it's bliss.

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 13:23

Of course children can spend that long in the library without needing to be reminded to behave, SillyStuff. Is that why you are so anti unaccompanied children? Because you have a behaviour problem in your branch?

wonkylegs · 02/06/2015 13:23

At 11 I regularly went to the library on my own and I'd be happy for DS to do the same. I could spend hours there reading or doing projects
It would of course depend on the child and whether or not they would be happy to go there.

RiverTam · 02/06/2015 13:24

me too. Not all children rum amok as soon as they are left to themselves.

Can I just remind everyone that underneath all this ludicrous handwringing is a woman who, after 10 years out of the workplace, has got herself a job? Isn't that great? Can't we be supportive of that, instead of trashing her for doing something that is totally legal, for a very short amount of time? Christ, no wonder so many women don't bother to return to work.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 13:24

Most get bored or as more kids appear (because she won't be the only one who has been left) they can get louder and louder and become a problem.

You all have this idyllic view of a matilda like character curling up devouring books in silence for 3 hours but left to their own devices in a library it's rarely like that.

BadPoet · 02/06/2015 13:24

I didn't say it was Cooger. A 10 year old in library alone - fine. A 10 year old in library alone for 3+ hours at set times because Mum is at work - not fine.

NorbertDentressangle · 02/06/2015 13:26

I wouldn't do it.

It just doesn't sit well with me but that maybe because I couldn't my DC happily doing that. I also tend to agree that local libraries can attract all sorts. I'm not sure what the library in question is like but in our sleepy little town they've had someone arrested for looking at child pornography on library computers, bored teens getting upto mischief and it also has a drop-in help desk for the local council so it's not unusual to hear arguments and shouting erupt over council tax/rent/refuse collections (yes really!!) etc

Surely the obvious answer, if it is only one morning or afternoon a week, is to come to some arrangement with one of her friends and their family.

If they have your DD for half a day a week then you return the favour. I'm sure the other parent would be happy to have a child free half day a week.

Seffina · 02/06/2015 13:27

What's more, the librarians encouraged us to be there. They wanted children using the library. I knew the rules of the library, how to borrow and return books, the librarians showed us how to find a non-fiction book when we wanted to find something out - we were encouraged to talk to them as well.

KnitFastDieWarm · 02/06/2015 13:27

You all have this idyllic view of a matilda like character curling up devouring books in silence for 3 hours

That is EXACTLY what I was like, nothing idealised about it. Some ten year olds are. Why should they not get to enjoy the library because some of their peers have different personalities?

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 13:28

Me, SillyStuff? A fair few, over 25 years, including Senior Management.
The attitude of judging how long children spend in the library as part of the library assistant's role was very prevalent when I started out, but fortunately it's been gradually trained out of the service. Pockets of old fashioned practice still exist, but library users should know that's not Policy.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 13:30

My branch was within a community centre so was an attractive option for all sorts of kids who weren't always intent on sitting quietly and reading. Which had it's challenges, which we done our best to accommodate with teen areas and extending access to computers.

Believe me, I was one of the most tolerant librarians in my region. I loved working with kids however it wasn't easy, especially in the holidays, when lots of unaccompanied kids would be in all day long demanding time. We managed to get funding for a dedicated youth worker for a Friday afternoon as it was so busy with kidsIon their own other users were put off coming in.