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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

526 replies

LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 11:04

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

OP posts:
CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 22:38

She can't get 'busted' by the staff. It's not against the policy of her library and not against the law.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 02/06/2015 23:01

It seriously wouldn't enter my head to do this.

I have a 10yr old and we go to the library weekly.

But a library is just that - it is not childcare.

Icimoi · 02/06/2015 23:02

Come off it, chocolate, on what planet is a parent 10 minutes away not available to a child? If we are to condemn parents on that basis, 10 year olds would be taken into care every time their mother popped out to the shops for half an hour.

And sorry, you are splitting hairs about school travel. If it is terrible for a child to be without access to a responsible adult, why is it OK for the child to be in that position for ten hours a week split into ten one hour periods (when they may be an hour or more away from said adult, given that the parent may go to work in the opposite direction) but not OK for three hours a week when the responsible adult is 10 minutes away?

As for all these hordes of masturbating men, I suspect if that were a generic problem in her local library, OP would have noticed it; as indeed would the library staff whose job it is to do something about it.

Icimoi · 02/06/2015 23:06

It seems to me that there is a bit of a dichotomy here between people who see libraries as places where you go solely to borrow books and DVDs, and people who see them as places where you go to read, browse, research, do homework, go online etc. If you only see it as a place to borrow books, of course you will only make short visits and will generally not consider leaving a child there. But if you go to use it for all its other purposes, then you may have a different viewpoint. I would have thought it is in the interests of libraries to encourage children to see them as friendly places where it is a pleasure to stay for a couple of hours or more.

Lweji · 02/06/2015 23:06

At another library in my general area a woman was raped in the bathroom

I also don't follow my 10 year old to public men's toilets, nor he comes with me to women's toilets. If there was a predator around he wouldn't necessarily be safer if I was in the library at the same time.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 02/06/2015 23:08

The interesting detail is that you won't leave her at home but think its acceptable to leave her in the library because it's "near".

"Near" makes no difference. You can't see her whether she's in the library or at home.

Adarajames · 02/06/2015 23:09

We spent hours in the library as kids, with or without parents - (only time librarians got annoyed was when we always won the summer 'use the books to find the answer' quiz, they stopped doing it! Blush) I still love to sit and read for hours.
Heck if you're in SE London at all, your DD is welcome to come sit and read by me, I'm CRB/DBS/qualified youth worker, and a fellow book addict and happy library sit and reader!

LegArmpits · 02/06/2015 23:12

I can't begin to see where there's anything wrong with it.

CatherineU · 02/06/2015 23:12

Yes yabu to dump your child at a library, they are not a facilitated childminder!

CrabbyTheCrabster · 02/06/2015 23:19

This thread is fucking bonkers. In large part due to the aptly named Silly. Grin

OP YAabsolutelyNU at all to leave your sensible, book-loving daughter in a public library where she is perfectly entitled to be, whilst you work nearby. She's happy with it, you're happy with it, she has a phone, money, access to cafe and loos, an unlimited supply of books to read. I can't think of anything better, and much better than being at home alone when you are not nearby. I would do it without hesitation.

If she is feels threatened by the behaviour of anyone in the library, she can report it immediately to the staff. That isn't 'free childcare', it is the library policy for any of the library users.

Icimoi · 02/06/2015 23:22

"Near" makes no difference. You can't see her whether she's in the library or at home.

So are children meant to stay within their parents' sight 24 hours a day (unless, presumably, they're at school)? That's going to be a bit of a problem at night time isn't it? To say nothing of the journey to and from school.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 02/06/2015 23:23

Blessed of course 'near' makes a difference, what an absurd thing to say! If the girl feels unwell, or if something happens that necessitates the OP needing to go to her, then being ten minutes away is very different to being an hour away.

I regularly leave my DD for a couple of hours in the day time, but am never more than twenty or so mins away. When I had to go over an hour away, in put in place other safety nets. Common sense, really.

Icimoi · 02/06/2015 23:23

CatherineU, RTFT. OP has explained very clearly that she does not expect the library staff to act as childminders.

TessBrookes · 02/06/2015 23:32

Sorry, but I'm another one adding to the chorus of you can't use the library as a childcare service.
(Yes, I have RTFT, I've been reading it all day and keeping up but not yet contributed.)
There's a world of difference between a child of that age visiting the library for half an hour or whatever and being sent to the library for three hours once a week, every week. Which is what the OP says.
Librarians are just that. Librarians. They're not unpaid childminders.
Which is what they'd feel like if they had to watch unsupervised kids. However sensible said kids are supposed to be.
10 is still young.
You cant seriously expect to drop off your 10 year old once a week for a few weeks for 3 hours at the library and not expect the libraries to think you are taking the absolute piss.
World of difference between a one off and a few weeks at 3 hours thing!

Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 23:35

Do people actually RTFT?

I've said I leave her at home if I'm 10 minutes away - that's my comfort zone for now. Therefore if my job was 10 mins from our house I'd leave her there but it's not - hence library.

I'm not using the library staff as child care, I doubt DD will have any interaction with them other than chatting about the summer reading challenge. They're a peculiar bunch who work at that particular library; they seem to like engaging with the readers and discussing books.

And neither I nor DD would be traumatised if some "elderly" person tried to chat to her - she knows not to fall for any line about her helping them search for their lost puppy.

The comments about her having to see people with learning difficulties using the library were distasteful - maybe they should be banned from using the library in case their presence upsets the NT children. Ditto people with mental health problems.

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/06/2015 23:39

I'm only going to say this once op because I feel I have to.
But it's okay calling these people peculiar but these peculiar people are good enough to leave your child with.

Icimoi · 02/06/2015 23:41

TessBrookes, the OP doesn't say 3 hours a week every week, it's 3 hours a week for 4 weeks. Possibly less, if OP has any genuine cause for concern - she's referred to the fact that she was prepared to send dd to a childminder if necessary.

And have you actually been to a library lately? They tend to have rather a lot of children in during the holidays, often unsupervised by their parents when the staff run children's activities - they actually like to encourage it. It is a part of their job to encourage reading, you know.

TessBrookes · 02/06/2015 23:44

I must have missed the posts about elderly or learning difficulty people having to interact with. That's ridiculous if those posts are out there.
People from all walks of life and abilities frequent libraries. Everyone's entitled to.
Children need to see people outside of their peer group.
However, once a week left for 3 hours at the library does encroach on using as free childcare. They're librarians. Not childminders.

Icimoi · 02/06/2015 23:46

Actually, Ilive, you really don't have to say that. Due to the fact that you appear to have been so eager to criticise OP that you haven't read her post properly. If you had, you might have discerned that she was very obviously using the word "peculiar" ironically. To spell it out, there are all these people here loudly proclaiming that library staff will be offended, OP is pointing out that actually they like doing their jobs and interacting with readers.

TessBrookes · 02/06/2015 23:48

TessBrookes, the OP doesn't say 3 hours a week every week, it's 3 hours a week for 4 weeks.

Oh, that's pedantic. Four weeks is still a regular leave, and still a heck of a lot to expect of librarians which isn't their job! Its a full month. Expecting the library to be the childcare for a 10 year old once a week for 4 weeks.
That's not a one off.

Icimoi · 02/06/2015 23:49

TessBrookes, how is this using librarians as childminders? A childminder supervises a child, plays with her, takes her out, feeds her, probably has a change of clothes for her, etc etc. The OP doesn't expect any of that. She fully expects the librarians to spend the time getting on with their normal jobs.

giraffesCantPluckTheirEyebrows · 02/06/2015 23:56

make sure you get a library card and return and take out a book every single time you are there! Helps to prove number of users and secure funding.

Rudeabaga · 03/06/2015 00:08

Er my mum did exactly this with me aged 11 in a forrin country no less, for 3-4 hours a day 3-4 days a week for about 2 months. I loved it, was very safe, and was always welcome. They had books and internet, a cafe next door, air conditioning and toilets! I often wish I could go back and do it again....

HicDraconis · 03/06/2015 00:10

I wouldn't do it. Where I live (no, not the UK) it is illegal to leave children under the age of 14 without having made adequate provision for their supervision and care. The ability to text you at work (can you leave at the drop of a hat to sort out whatever issues have arisen?) is not adequate provision for her care.

The school journey is a bad analogy as there is a defined start and end point at which the children's presence or absence will be checked. They rarely last over an hour and if a child has an accident on the way to school then it will be dealt with either on the bus / train / roadside / next tube station or on arrival at school, like any accident in a public place, while someone tries to contact a parent. For 3 hours nobody is going to check that your daughter is where she is meant to be.

You and she would probably be fine. But there are too many unknowns and ifs for me to be comfortable leaving a child alone for that length of time.

In answer to the "when would you then" - 14 with no qualms at all. Graded challenges of independence from around 10 to allow them to be left at 14 without it being a huge shock.

I don't want my 10 year old to be "so sensible and mature". He has a lifetime of that once he hits 14. I want him to be 10, and love every minute of being silly and childlike and daft and irresponsible while he can.

merrymouse · 03/06/2015 00:14

"Near" makes no difference. You can't see her whether she's in the library or at home.

She is 10, not 2.