To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

[LoveandPeaceGonk]

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

Of course the OP is available if her dd needs her! She is ten minutes away and has a phone. Just as if she'd popped out to the shop.Presumably she wouldn't consider this if she had a jobwhere she wouldn't be able to leave right away.

Which law is that then? And don't bother linking to some ambiguous child neglect bollocks.

why would leaving a 10 y old at home be any different than leaving in library? In terms of child having to make decisions?

My local library is full of homeless people during the day. Most of whom are harmless, but some of whom have untreated mental illness, drug/alcohol issues, and/or criminal records. No matter how sensible a 10-year-old is, there's no guarantee she'd know how to behave if she was confronted with a drunk or aggressive adult. Men have been arrested for masturbating at the library computers. At another library in my general area a woman was raped in the bathroom.

None of those things happen in my home.

Why did you start this thread? you don't seem to be taking anyones concerns on board

Burglaries, fires and accidents happen in the home, steff. Maybe it's better if mothers parents just stay at home all the time. Until 16, maybe? With a big bag of cotton wool to fluff around their DC and SS on speed dial.

again, Chocolate, do you really think the OP hasn't thought about this? My work would not have a problem at all with me having my phone by my desk ready to answer in this situation. And why would it take half an hour to get from work to the library - it sounds to me like the 2 places are minutes from each other.

The OP's DD does have a specified, accessible adult near her - her mother. Not all workplaces are draconian about things like this, many understand all the balls parents have to juggle and are accommodating, especially when it's for such a short period of time (3 hours once a week for 4 weeks). Personally, as long as the DD is, and remains, comfortable with this, I can't think of a single reason (none that I've read on her, that's for sure) that this wouldn't work out.

If I was to do this and for some reason my DD wanted to leave the library, my manager would have no problem with her coming into work, and we would plonk her in front of the spare mac with some headphones and she could watch TV for the rest of my workday. None whatsoever.

part of gaining independence is learning to deal with the unexpected anyway.

At 10.5 I went to secondary school in central London. Commuted there every day. This was in the era of the IRA bomb scares. If the mainline station was closed, I walked to the next one....no mobile phones. Phone cards and pay phones only.

To be honest I never thought much of it, just got on with it as required. My Mum was a SAHM, but she couldn't do much from 20 odd miles away....

The OP's daughter will be happy in the library and may possibly have to deal with the odd hiccup. Library unexpectedly closes....presumably a message to Mum advising of her change of plan and new pick-up point!

steff, it is unlikely that the op's daughter isn't going to your local library.

If the OP is at work, there is no way that any authority would consider she was properly available. They would look at the start and end time of work and any travel time and consider the child to have been left without access to an adult for that period of time.....because the adult cannot be in 2 places at once, and by being at work has made that the priority over childcare.

Of course the authorities would not be interested in every individual under 16 who is in the library. They would consider every case in terms of the age of the child and what access to adults they had and the length of time without access. The OP needs to consider if she thinks it is okay for her child to be without access to an adult for 3 hours 20 mins, because that is the length of time, it would be seen as, regardless of if she told the authorities she had sent her child to the library specifically so she could be closer to them than at home,mso she could nip out if requested. If at work, she can only be called UNAVAILABLE.

And this IS different to travelling by public transport to school. Travelling to school is a widely accepted activity for children, indeed a necessary one in large cities such as London. It is part of a regular routine. It would be highly unlikely for there to be a period as long as 3 hours with no access to a responsible specific adult.
The case we are talking about is a pre-meditated leaving of a child in a public place for over 3 hours,without reasonable access to an available specified adult.

If a child of an acceptable age had an incident whilst travelling to school on public transport, if the authorities decided they were a reasonable age for the journey, there would be no case to answer for by the parents. I would think 10 would be considered too young to be left in a public place for well over 3 hours, with the only contactable adult available being someone who is contracted to be at work. It really wouldn't look good - and if it wouldn't look good, it is worth considering whether it is actually acceptable.

I would think once children are Secondary age, a wider range of times would be acceptable. Yes, at every age, parents have to make judgements based on their own child and their own personal willingness to leave them indifferent situations and for different time periods.

Ultimately I think the OP needs to recognise that really she won't be what could be called properly available to her child, if at work. She is fooling herself is she really thinks that being at work nearby gives the same level of supervision/care as if childcare was in place.

um, unlikely that the op's daughter is going to your local library...

It's a safe appropriate place for the child to hang out.
I was another one who went to library on my own for hours & hours at that age (& younger).
Can't believe anyone has issues with this. There's no time limit on how long well-behaved adults can stay.

Go on then singsong, where is the law that tells us no ten year old must be without direct supervision in a public space? "Adequate supervision" is open to interpretation. That isn't what you said previously.

So it seems the difference between neglecting your child by leaving them at home while you work and leaving them in the library is that library staff who feel peevishly annoyed they have to pay for childcare/would rather not bother with children in their library as they haven't the skills, training or inclination can dob a parent in. Wow.

Thinking back one day I had to take my dd to work with me. Think she was about 10 or 11, in primary anyway, year 6 I think.

She got bored & asked if there was a library nearby. I thought there was so we looked up directions on the Internet & off she went.

Turned out it had closed down (council cuts) but she'd have happily spent a couple of hours there whilst I was at work.

Would I leave which kids alone at home for a few hours, sillystuff, the OP's ten year old or my 7 and 5 year olds?

My children - for a few hours, no. I leave my seven year old for up to fifteen minutes, while I take his sister to school. The school is literally round the corner. By the time he's ten, I might well do for a couple of hours if I were only ten minutes away but depends completely on him and the situation.

It would be highly unlikely for there to be a period as long as 3 hours with no access to a responsible specific adult.

It's highly likely that you could spend a couple of hours with no more than phone access to an adult who is many miles away if there was a relatively minor delay.

There is no reason to believe that the op wouldn't be available during contracted hours. Many work places are flexible.

Personally, I think home is safer for a child alone than a public place, but I guess most people wouldn't leave a 10 year old alone for much longer than an hour, especially as it is one child on their own, not with siblings. (no doubt there will be a wide range of views on this too)
However, the OP has already decided that with travel factored in, this would be too long for her child - and I agree.
Until the point then when she is old enough to be at home or out and about for long enough, the simple answer is that some kind of childcare is needed, either for all of the time or for the amount of time she feels uncomfortable leaving the child for. It is the best answer to the dilemma.
Goodnight.

I'd be happier to leave my two alone than together. They would fight and cause havoc together. Alone, ds would just read a book or play computer games.

Asked a friend who works in child protection. She thinks it's fine.

I reiterate that a library is not a safe haven. It is open to the public, all the public. Would the OP be happy to leave her DD for three hours, unsupervised, at a homeless shelter. I am not saying the homeless are a danger more that they often have issues I would not have wanted my 10 year olds to deal with. After cuts library staff are completely overworked and do not have time to monitor a 10 year old. What about monitoring her PC use? The limits on public use are not the same as parental limits. It will probably be fine but I would not have risked my children. This is not being holier than thou but my local library is quiet and rural but there are some dodgy people in every library. Can a 10 year old deal with them?

The limits on library PCs are tighter than some parental limits in my authority.

Part of the job is to ensure the library is a safe and welcoming space for everyone. If a library assistant can't do that they need to ask for further training and advice. Maybe that's the problem in a lot of libraries described on this thread. Inadequate staffing, underpaid uncommitted staff who can't get their heads round the ethos of a Public Library.

At another library in my general area a woman was raped in the bathroom

In view of that, do you think women shouldn't go to libraries?

TBH, I wouldn't do this. I think to leave a child in a library once or twice for 3 hours would be okay. But if a child was being left for 3 hours twice a week I would expect that library staff would start asking the child questions and if they picked up on the fact she was being left there while a parent worked they might well get social services involved.

OP, can you not contact your local council for a list of childminders? If you're short of money you could see if you would be entitled to tax credits towards childcare. I have to say, my child isn't this age yet, but his childminder looks after children this age in the holidays, they don't seem to stop being minded in the holidays until they are secondary school age.

Perhaps she would be fine. But if you do get busted doing it by the library staff I think they might question why you weren't prepared to spend money on proper childcare rather than leaving her in the library and question where your priorities lie as a parent.

It's a wonder libraries are closing all over the country. All the hoards of homeless drug addicted paedophiles flocking through the doors every day, you'd think the footfall stats would present a strong case for keeping them open.