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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

526 replies

LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 11:04

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

OP posts:

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 20:45

It doesn't sound like dd has had much freedom but all of a sudden she can cope for 3 hours alone when you're at work?

sanfairyanne · 02/06/2015 20:48

sounds fine if your dd is ok with it. mine would probably get a bit bored and prefer to be home with a key to play out, but they're all different

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/06/2015 20:49

I think you should extend time alone at home before doing 3 hours at the library.

TheoriginalLEM · 02/06/2015 20:50

what tryingtokeepalidonit said - with knobs on.

Singsongsung · 02/06/2015 20:50

If a child is left alone in a library, a shop, a cafe etc with no parent nearby and leaving no indication with any adult as to when he/she will return then they HAVE abandoned that child in the eyes of the law. They have left that child without adequate supervision or care. 10 is far far too young to be without any adult support.

I think the OP needs to play through every conceivable problem that might arise from fire alarms going off leading to the building being evacuated to friends coming in and encouraging her child to leave. Genuinely, anything could happen.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 20:51

You'd be amazed at what goes on in a library! I had to call the police several times for druggies, drunks and abusive users refusing to leave and for making threats. They aren't all hushed tones and lovely books! Was a great place to work though. Even the used condoms as bookmarks didn't put me off.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 20:55

I maintain leaving a ten year old with no one available to them for help anywhere isn't acceptable. Libraries seem to fill that gap for lots of people.

When I'm at work I am focused on my work. School, clubs or whatever childcare I'm using will contact me in a genuine emergency but I take steps to delegate the care of my child for the times I'm otherwise engaged!

Stealthsquiggle · 02/06/2015 20:57

I think it sounds like a good plan, OP. I would leave my DC1 (12 now, but I would have left him at that age). DC2 is only 8 but I think by 10.5 I would leave her. I would be far more comfortable with that than with them being at home and therefore longer (time wise) away from me and with no means of getting anywhere under their own steam (very rural, roads not safe for cycling, no public transport)

sanfairyanne · 02/06/2015 20:57

hmmm if she is quite protected usually, it might be a big step. changing my mind a bit

FlabulousChix · 02/06/2015 20:57

I'd leave her at home some days my son was honest that age from 8 to 5 that was 17 years ago

merrymouse · 02/06/2015 21:03

There is no law to say that a 10 year old can't leave the house alone and must be supervised at all times.

ChocolateWombat · 02/06/2015 21:05

I would agree that libraries have a wide range of people in them. As a free place, they do attract a wide range of people - I'm not saying there is anything wrong with any of these people, but that a 10 year old might find encountering some of them rather surprising and outside their usual experience. I know that many of the homeless spend time in the library, especially in bad weather, the local mental health residential centre takes residents there as part if an afternoon in town, as does the centre where adults with severe learning difficulties. There are also a variety of slightly odd, but quite friendly and chatty elderly people.
Of course all of these people should be in the library and it is a great place for them to visit. However, it is worth recognising that there is probably a broader mix of people in a library than in many other public places! As other posters have said, a variety of surprising things happen in libraries and it isn't always book reading. Children need to learn to deal with these things....but appropriately, not when left alone for 3 hours because no other childcare has been sourced.

Again, I emphasise the difference between a child spending a time in the library as part of building independence, knowing an available specific adult is on hand if needed, and the use of the library because the child is deemed too young to leave at home alone, but the adult needs to be at work, so can never be available to an acceptable level.

What would people think about the OP leaving the 10 year old at home for 3 hours while they went to work. Is that acceptable?

littlejohnnydory · 02/06/2015 21:05

It depends - both on the child and the library. Where we live now is quite rural, the library is small, librarians know my children by name. I will happily leave ds there for half an hour while I pop out to the shop once he turns 8 - and I know he will still be in the same position as when I left, book in hand. At nearly 11, with a mobile phone and me nearby, three hours would be fine. If I left him on the internet for three hours he'd think all his Christmases had come at once!

We used to live in a big city (not a lovely one either). The library there was quite different and there, I didn't even leave him while I went for a wee! He'd probably be 14 or 15 before I'd think about leaving him there for a length of time and even then I'd be uneasy.

I wouldn't be expecting librarians to look after him though, any more than they would an adult in the library.

littlejohnnydory · 02/06/2015 21:07

I think three hours at home alone would depend very much on the ten year old and how far away parents were.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 21:08

I don't think so Chocolate, not at ten whilst I'm working.

I do pop out to do the shopping etc so building up the odd half hour to hour here and there but I think over 3 hours whilst I'm meant to be working at ten is too much.

merrymouse · 02/06/2015 21:10

What would people think about the OP leaving the 10 year old at home for 3 hours while they went to work. Is that acceptable?

It would depend on the circumstances - the nature of the parent's job, the 10 year old, where the house was - but I think in many cases this would be fine.

Equally, this is not a generic 10 year old in a generic library. It is a specific 10 year old in a specific library.

littlejohnnydory · 02/06/2015 21:11

That's total rubbish singsong. There is no law specifying an age at which children can be left unsupervised. It's certainly not illegal for a ten year old to go out alone. My seven and five year olds go to the corner shop without me (about 100m away on the sane side of the road in a quiet village).

ChocolateWombat · 02/06/2015 21:13

I doubt if the child being left in the library would ever get to social services, but if it did, the issues SS would be interested in, would not be so much that the child was in the library alone (fine for a short period with an accessible adult available) but what they would be interested in, is that the parent had gone to work and left no responsible adult available to the child.
SS would not consider that the mother was at work 10 minutes away and could answer the phone or leave work as adequate adult access. In their minds, an adult who is at work is un available and cannot be considered the primary caregiver at that point. Fear of SS intervention isn't really my point, but considering it from this point of view for the OP might be useful...... From an outside agencies point of view - do you think they would consider it acceptable if the only adult who is specifically available to a child was contracted to be working elsewhere for 3 hours? The fact the OP could answer the phone or possibly leave,really wouldn't be considered adequate - that parent is officially UNAVAILABLE and no-one else has been made available.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 21:14

There's no law saying you couldn't leave those same kids alone in the house for a few hours but would you singsong?

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 21:15

Sorry, that was to littlejonny not sing song.

Original poster

LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 21:19

she has a level of independence that we're both comfortable with and is a very confident, sensible child.

OP posts:

ChocolateWombat · 02/06/2015 21:21

I wouldn't leave a 10 year old for 3 hours by the way. I was asking to see if all those who think the library is fine, also think home is fine too - we are talking about a Year 5, possibly year 6 child. If work is 3 hours, chances are that it is another half hour at least for travel and other minor delays.
And again, to make it as close as possible to the OPs proposal, the child is left where the only specified contact for the child is an adult who is actually engaged in contracted work.

I cannot believe people really consider that the OP is what could properly be called 'available' to her child for those 3 hours (plus extra 10 minutes each way to the library) - so the child is without adequate access to an adult for that time.

So for me, the question becomes, is it acceptable for a 10 year old to be anywhere for 3 hours where they have no proper access to a specified, accessible adult?

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 21:27

So if I go to work while DS makes his way to school on the bus, driving so not able to answer the phone, SS would consider that neglect, ChocolateWombat?

They need to get recruiting, don't they, to cover all those 1,000s of incidents every school day.
Not to mention the children who spend hours in libraries after school every day, alone, waiting for parents to get home. Or the ones booted out the house in the holidays who make their way to the library to fill in some time. And the parks and the swimming pools and the shopping centres. Rounding up every one under 16 and marching them home to insist on a parent or named responsible adult being present.

Meanwhile, back in the real world.........

Icimoi · 02/06/2015 21:31

what they would be interested in, is that the parent had gone to work and left no responsible adult available to the child.

I ask again: how is this any different from a child spending 10 hours a week on public transport going to and from school?

Singsongsung · 02/06/2015 21:31

Chocolate- I entirely agree.
To those who believe there is no law requiring adequate supervision of 10 year olds I am afraid you are wrong.

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