To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

[LoveandPeaceGonk]

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

If this library, like the others I've linked to, and the libraries known by other people here, has the 8yr old and above rule for unaccompanied children then WHY, in the name of all that is sane and reasonable, does the OP have to check with anyone???? if the library bylaws say it's OK for over 8yr olds to be on their own in the library THEN IT'S OK for her DD to be there. Sheesh.

I agree silly.

It wouldn't even cross my mind to consider this.

If my minder can't mind my kids I take the day off work. End of.

Really? people think this is ok?

The mum is nearby if DD needs her! She can call her at her work which is nearby! It's a public library not a crack den. What do you think is going to happen to her?
My public library is a lovely cosy place where they welcome children and young people on their own.

Mum's meant to be working though.

Using adequate childcare means your only likely to be contacted at work in a genuine emergency. Leaving a ten year old to make those decisions could result in lots of disturbances at work.

I'd be confident enough to allow that in s setting I've worked in for a while and get on with everyone. I don't think I'd be cool walking into a workplace after a week and saying oh I need to keep my phone on in case my ten year old needs help abd ig she does I'll need to pop out

The NSPCC website has some sensible advice and makes it clear that it's the parent's decision made in the knowledge of their own child's abilities. Not many of the dangers listed apply to libraries . www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/staying-safe-away-from-home/

There would be no one for the girl to turn to if there was an issue - this could cause anything from mild stress to a serious problem for the girl, who at this age cannot be expected to problem solve.

She has her phone. And yes, she can turn to the librarian. Just as any adult could if, say, they found themselves being pestered by another library user.

I agree that it would be fine for this girl to have some time in the library alone - she could have an hour there whilst her mother was shopping nearby and able to come immediately if contacted.

The issue is about the length of time (3 hours is a long time) and about the reason for her being there - it is because the mother feels she is too young to spend 4 hours at home alone, 30 mins from her work - this in itself says something about the OPs comfort levels about leaving her daughter - she ISNT happy to leave her alone.

The other thing is that the girl really will be stuck there - the mother isn't really free to just come and see her at the drop of a hat and the girl will know that and need to stay there, whether she really wants to or not - it is not the same as the mother being nearby shopping. The OP is using it as a substitute for childcare - if the child isn't ready to be left alone,then some
Kind of specific childcare, whether that is an adult friend or professional childminder or playscheme should be provided - the girl sounds like she will be at the end of Year 5, not even close to secondary age, which makes the OPs unwillingness to leave her alone at home for half a day unsurprising.....why a primary age child should be put in a position where they have no specific adult to turn to in a time of need, I really don't know.

I honestly can't believe that people think this is ok, there is no way on this earth i would leave my DD (nearly 10) on her own for that amount of time. I have left her at home a few times for about five minutes but she hasn't felt comfortable, fine by me. The leave a child in a public place is beyond irresponsible if you ask me - what do i think would happen? Most likely nothing at all - but she is still vulnerable. Saying someone sees her regularly in the library with no adult supervision. What if someone scares her?

Besides all of that, how unfair is that - leaving a child alone in a library, i don't care if they are a bookworm, and she can probably only use the computor for a limited time.

Sorry but you need to find alternative childcare - ask other parents? your child goes to their house for that period of time, you have theirs? Find a childminder.

There would be no one for the girl to turn to if there was an issue

My 10 year old has learnt several strategies on how to cope with an emergency, including if something happened to me while caring for him.
I'm sure the OP's DD would be able to pop in at her work, go to the cafe, or ring her, or even ring 999.

Using adequate childcare means your only likely to be contacted at work in a genuine emergency. Leaving a ten year old to make those decisions could result in lots of disturbances at work.

OP has presumably factored that in and knows whether it's likely or not. It is not, of itself, a reason not to do this.

The other thing is that the girl really will be stuck there - the mother isn't really free to just come and see her at the drop of a hat and the girl will know that and need to stay there, whether she really wants to or not - it is not the same as the mother being nearby shopping.

OP has made it clear that she has discussed this with her dd. I'm sure her dd is entirely capable of telling her mother if she isn't happy about it, and we have no reason to believe OP would insist. After all, she has discussed sending her dd to the childminder, and it's the daughter who doesn't want to do that.

But is it appropriate for the only person who is contactable to be her mother who is working?
If a child is left alone at home when a parent is working a distance away, they would have another adult they could call on in an emergency and who would have agreed to be that person - unlikely to be needed,mbut an important safeguard and reassurance.

Is it reasonable for the OP as an employee at work to be the only person available to help....and for the child to be deliberately left nearby,mbut with no other adult, so that the OP would have to be the person to leave work to answer a call for help? This seems wrong too - how many employers will be happy to know their workers have a child nearby in a public facility without another adult, who has been told in case of emergency to turn up at the work place or to ring and the parent will immediately leave to sort it out.

This isn't the equivalent of the OP leaving her number with the school,min case of illness etc....in this case, the school is responsible for the child until a designated adult can arrive - in the library situtation, there is no adult responsible and so the OP really would have to leave immediately at the first sign of an issue - unreasonable to the employer, and unreasonable for the child too.

Perhaps your DD could have a trial run while you go shopping just to see if she does find being alone for a longer period either boring or worrying. I actually think it sounds fine through. It's only 3 hours per week for a few weeks.

Reading through the whole thread OP-I think you need to use your own judgement. I don't think that you would be considering this for a moment if you thought there was any chance of your DD wandering off without telling you.
I was picturing a pleasant comfortable environment with books and computers. Some posters have talked about bust city centre libraries with a wide variety of people wandering around-perhaps looking for shelter.
It clearly depends on the maturity of your 10 year old and the type of library.

If I left my child in the library I would not be expecting the librarian to look after them-except perhaps to answer inquiries about books. I would have judged that they could cope, would behave and would phone me if in difficulty.
Nine to thirteen is a very awkward age for working parents.

It's perfectly simple. If the library allows unaccompanied children of that age, then OP could wave her dd off from home to go there & come home when she'd had enough, which could easily be 3 hours for a bookish 10yo. So she is perfectly entitled to be there for an unlimited amount of time so long as she behaves.

The only difference between visiting from home & being left there whilst mum works is the 'nowhere else to go' aspect. I would submit that OP knows her dd best; she seems quite confident that her dd wouldn't just wander off for the hell of it.

So presumably they'll give it a go & if by week 3 dd is complaining that the library is boring &/or the staff keep giving her the evil eye, then the arrangements can be reviewed.

I'd hope that if library staff became concerned that my sensible, bookish ds had been on the premises solo for 3 hours, they'd approach him & ask if he was OK before leaping to the 'phone to notify SS! & once he said yes, he was fine, & meeting his mother there at x o'clock, they'd leave him to get on with it like any other library user.

Also depends on your job. There would have been no problem for me in nipping out if a problem arose but some workplaces are much less flexible.

The more I think about this, the more I think the library thing isn't the real issue.
The real issue is that the child has a SPECIFIC named adult to turn to in case of need, and that adult has to be an AVAILABLE one. The mother is working, so she isn't available. She may say she can answer the phone and she can come any time, but actually she is working and so not really available.

Childcare is about ensuring there is a specific and available adult should one be needed - to not provide that, whether the child is at home, or in the library or wherever else at this age seems to be the issue to me.

For an adult to be available at all times. Yes, in my kind of work I would not be able to get out at a drop of a hat, regardless of the severity of the emergency, So I have other adults in the neighborhood to help out in real emergency. But if OP is able to leave at any time then I don't see a problem. I am presuming her dd would not call her every hour for "silly" things.
And yes, of course I did not leave any of my children suddenly for hours on stretch without trying it out for 10 min, 30 min and building it up.

I also don't think the key thing is whether the girl says she is happy with being in the library or not. It has to be the OPs decision as the adult.
It maybe fine for the girl to say she would enjoy being in the library for 1 hour whilst her mother shopped and was always available to come within 5 mins if phoned, but very different for her to say she is happy to spend half a day without a specific and available adult. The chances are that nothing would happen in the library that meant she required help or assistance or reassurance......but this is a public place and half a day is a reasonable length of time, and it is difficult for the girl to know how she will feel or to even know what potential issues could arise whilst there....as a parent I wouldn't be relying on her knowing all those things, being able to cope with them or having to make this judgement herself. The OP is the adult and needs to choose, not say the girl is happy with it or has suggested it as justification.

Well, if any of my children would not have preferred to stay on their own (home or library) rather than going to nursery/childminder etc, I would have sent them there. So I do think it is important about how dc feel. And I think even my 8y old dd would know hoe long a 3 hour strech is!

Isn't it the prerogative of a 10 year old to be able to speak to an adult whenever they like about things we might consider 'silly' rather than having to weigh up whether their concern is really serious enough to justify troubling their parent at work?
Childcare allows them to do that - to know an adult is always available, no matter how small the concern is. I don't think a 10 year old should have to hold back and try to avoid pestering mother at work, which if they know their parent is at work, is likely to be how it can feel - they will hold back from making contact if they can.

My friend's DS was 'hassled' by some other kids whilst he was on his way to the shop. They stole his phone from him, despite some adults being nearby.
Having a phone is not in itself protection from all ills
The DD could go to the cafe and meet up with friends and be tempted to go off with them. Who would inform mum?
yabu

The OPs DD sounds extremely sensible. Personally I wouldn't be worried about her going off with others etc or doing something silly.
To me, being alone in a public place,with no ready and easy access to an available adult seems to place too much responsibility on a 10 year old for too long. Whilst things may all be very smooth, there could be any kind of anxiety during a half day period, or any kind of situation in a public place that they haven't encountered before or aren't sure how to respond to.......and I just wouldn't like to put my child in that position of having to face such things (which are probably minor to us, but might seem big deals to a 10 year old) alone - and she would be alone, because no childcare or adult has been made available.

Oh, if I am busy with work at home they will be told off for coming with silly things. I don't think teacher will be happy to be disturbed by 30 children asking random things at any time.
But they know they can always txt me for chit chat when I'm not at home.
I don't mind them ringing me once in a while. But phoning me every 5 min, because they might be worried. Really?