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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

526 replies

LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 11:04

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Icimoi · 02/06/2015 17:19

Are your work ok with you checking your phone a lot?

Why would that be necessary? Phones have ringers or can be set on vibrate.

The circumstances here being the parents are neglecting to provide adequate child care and are opting to leave dd in a library.

So parents sending 10 and 11 year olds to school on their own are neglecting to provide adequate child care? As for parents happy to send their children out to play all morning, string them up.

StrumpersPlunkett · 02/06/2015 17:20

I think it is totally fine, the only thing I would personally make sure is that your daughter has a good idea of what to do if some unusual person notices she is there alot and tries to befriend her. It doesn't need her to feel uncomfortable (infact the reverse) for it to be a concern.

Sounds like my idea of heaven, 3 hours in a calm space to read my book.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 17:20

Dds parents are at work. Whilst their child requires looking after its the parents responsibility to make sure those arrangements are adequate.

The library shouldn't be an option

balletgirlmum · 02/06/2015 17:20

I can't imagine any 10 year old wanting to go to soft play. That for younger kids.

My dd often disapears off on her bike to the library (the one where we live not the one by ds's school). She started doing this in year 7. She was sometimes gone for a few hours. Some of the time in the library other times she'd go shopping.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 17:23

School is responsible for children in school hours, but you know that.

Letting dc out to play whilst you're around - fine.

Being committed elsewhere abd leaving them outside playing for hours - not fine.

Neither is comparable

londonrach · 02/06/2015 17:23

As long as you realise the staff at the library are not reasonable for your dd and will not be watching her. Also be aware that the library will sometimes close without warning. I was in a library once when it closed due to a power cut and once due to lack of staff. In which case your dd will be asked to leave.

motherwithheadache · 02/06/2015 17:29

why would leaving a 10 y old at home be any different than leaving in library? In terms of child having to make decisions?
So if I don't need babysitter for one, why for the other? I can imagine it would be nice for child to have a change of scenery, staying in the library once in a while. My children would.
Only reason I wouldn't do what OP is suggesting is because I would be worried someone might report me to social services. I have no problems with leaving my 8 year old alone at home.

ButterflyUpSoHigh · 02/06/2015 17:31

No I don't know it's ok. You need to pay for proper childcare or come to an agreement with another family and share childcare. The library staff have enough to do without supervising your child.

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 17:32

Substitute 'at home' for 'in library' and see how ridiculous it sounds.

Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 17:32

The library has had a £1m refit and is even open on Sundays - no austerity being forced on the residents of the leafy suburb in which it's situated Smile. It's closed one afternoon a week and I thought I'd leave DD with the local crack dealer if I have to work then.

OP posts:
SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 17:36
Hmm
CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 17:37

Just as long as they're not a nosey library assistant, Gonk, that should be fine Grin

Icimoi · 02/06/2015 17:40

Dds parents are at work. Whilst their child requires looking after its the parents responsibility to make sure those arrangements are adequate.

But this child doesn't require looking after. She can look after herself for three hours doing something she enjoys doing.

School is responsible for children in school hours, but you know that.

Irrelevant. The post to which I assume you're replying, SillyStuff, referred to 10 and 11 year old travelling to and from school on their own. The school is not responsible for them at that point, and by law travel time can be up to 2.5 hours a day for 11 year olds.

ChocolateWombat · 02/06/2015 17:42

This is not okay.
You are not happy to leave her at home alone (and 3.5 hours alone at home does sound too long for her age)

You are opting for the library because she will not be alone, but have others around. The fact that other adults are around reassures you and you subconsciously think, that if there is a problem, there will be other adults around to help her. The reason this is problematic is that firstly these other adults have not agreed to help out if necessary and cannot be relied on to do so. Secondly, it is wrong to leave a child of this age without a specific adult they can turn to quickly in a time of need,for more than a very short while.

Your DD probably would be fine for this length of time, but that isn't the point. IF something happened and she had no specific adult to turn to, you would be negligent in putting her in that situation.

Sending her for a week will men she will be noticed by the library staff and someone is highly likely to ask her where here parents are. In itself this puts her in a tricky situation. It would not be surprising for a library worker to contact social services after the same child was spotted several days in the library for hours at a time.

There is still time to sort something more appropriate. Just do it.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 17:43

I would argue that ten year old children still need an adult around but I'm in the minority with that apparently.

At work you are otherwise engaged, childcare should be delegated, someone else should be taking responsibility for your children.

noddyholder · 02/06/2015 17:47

Why can't you pay someone to look after her? I think its a subconscious free childminding and if you do it regularly it will be noticed

ahbollocks · 02/06/2015 17:47

Yes to everything chocolatewombat said

LauraChant · 02/06/2015 17:50

You are opting for the library because she will not be alone, but have others around. OP has said she is opting for the library over home because it is near her work rather than 30 mins away, not because there are adults around.

Sending her for a week will men she will be noticed by the library staff and someone is highly likely to ask her where here parents are. She is going for three hours once a week.

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 17:52

She's not sending her for a week. It's once a week, for goodness sake. She won't be the only child there on their own (well, unless the area is populated solely by contrary MNers).

SS can't do anything about the really serious cases of neglect that see children escape to the library all day every day. They are not going to give a toss about a child spending 3 hours at the age of 10.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 17:57

Ss can and do work with library staff wheb there's concerns. I've done it plenty of times.

ChocolateWombat · 02/06/2015 17:57

I had misread the original post which said it was once a week. I apologise.

Yes,the OP says she chose the library because it is near her work - this says to me that she feels the DD needs to have her mother in easy reach. She isn't happy to leave her alone 30 mins away. I maintain that the OP feels happier with her being with other people rather than alone, even if she doesn't state this.

I also maintain that it is wrong to leave a 10 year old for extended periods without a SPECIFIC adult who can easily and quickly be turned to for help if necessary - that adult needs to be someone who knows they are in that role, not a random stranger. There would be no one for the girl to turn to if there was an issue - this could cause anything from mild stress to a serious problem for the girl, who at this age cannot be expected to problem solve. Yes 3 hours may well pass just with reading, but there are all kinds of possible situations which could arise, which the girl should not have to face alone for 3 hours.

I am surprised by how many people are happy with this idea. If the OP really wants to do it , I think she should check how the library feel about it - if she isn't willing to do this, then I suspect she knows it probably isn't really acceptable.

Noneedtoworryatall · 02/06/2015 18:00

Mother, you really leave your 8 yr old at home alone. I'm sorry, but that is terrible.

8 years old..... My goodness

Silly, your not in the minority, lots of people will agree with what your saying. I certainly do.

LauraChant · 02/06/2015 18:00

But could she not, in such a situation, phone her mum who is nearby?

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 18:01

I think she's aware it's less than ideal or she wouldn't be asking aibu.

ChocolateWombat · 02/06/2015 18:01

And I also think that there is a difference between purposely and gradually trying to give a child a bit more independence (30 mins at home alone) or walking to the corner shop, or 30 mins in a few shops with a friend, to giving that independence to solve a childcare issue - the motive seems wrong. It sounds like the OP wouldn't do this if it wasn't for her work.....this gives the answer to me.