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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy pink for a boy?

187 replies

GrinAndTonic · 01/06/2015 03:22

So the backstory is that my DB and SIL (who is nice enough but is a 15 year old trapped in a 24 year olds body) have a 11 month old girl and a boy on the way.

SIL believes that boys wearing pink is wrong and girls shouldn't wear blue.
She has sold every single pink thing that DNiece has in order to buy blue things for the new DNephew This includes sleeping bags, socks, false washers etc. Any toy that is not pink and 'girly' has been given away. I paid a small fortune for those reusable nappies and they were sold as they were not pink.

Now I know it's not my child, money or decision so I'm not interfering. I have said that it's a waste but I was bitched about on FB about it so I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Anyhoo, AIBU to buy nothing but pink, yellow etc boys clothes and 'girly' toys for the new baby?

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 01/06/2015 09:25

You are being petty, yes- and worse.

Her "attitude" to how she chooses to dress her own children is entirely up to her. I cannot stress this enough.

I strongly advise you to build a bridge and get over yourself pretty damn sharpish Smile

ShadowFire · 01/06/2015 09:25

So..... her DD is only dressed in pink? Any non-pink gift for her DD was sold or given away? Have I understood that right?

That sounds very extreme.

Mrsjayy · 01/06/2015 09:27

Well if she thinks pink will make him catch the gay then she is indeed stupid id be telling her that , my dad said to me when dd was 3 and got a road mat and cars that I would turn her eejit of a man

DisappointedOne · 01/06/2015 09:29

I know im in the minority...but I find the blue pink thing v helpful when babies are so young that you wouldn't know if they're male or female otherwise.... Why would you instantly need to know which genitals it happens to have? Confused

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 01/06/2015 09:31

It sounds like you would be better off buying books. May I suggest the Paper Bag Princess or Princess Pigsty Grin

Mrsjayy · 01/06/2015 09:31

I would just buy him an outfit with footballs and tractors you know that manly stuff and laugh to yourself in a years time when he is brushing his sisters dolls hair wearing her clip clop play shoes because he will

Charlotte3333 · 01/06/2015 09:35

This is why I buy all new babies in friends/family circle books. I know they won't use them immediately, but a lovely big stack of Julia Donaldson or Rod Campbell books never causes this trouble.

NameChange30 · 01/06/2015 09:39

I agree with you about the pink/blue thing, but I don't agree with the way you want to deal with it. I don't think you should buy ANYTHING! Why? Because your SIL has sold/given away the gifts you already gave, and because she bitched about you on FB. So she can f* off.

If you really want to buy a present you are going to have to get something "acceptable" in her eyes, otherwise it's not a gift, it's just an expensive way to make a point. And a waste because she'll return it, sell it or give it away.

You could give her a book about gender stereotypes but I very much doubt she'd read it. She would probably bitch again.

Maybe you should step back from the relationship? As you clearly have different values and have been annoying each other!

Bellebella · 01/06/2015 09:40

It sounds a bit much, I would probably sell the really really girly things but things like vests, nappies, socks, bottles, toys etc I would all keep. A kid does not care. Having said that my DS does have pink Sofia the first pjs, bottles, toys and that's without the older sister. He just really likes the show and it just happens to be all pink, the same with Peppa pig although they are now doing some more boys things with George.

Some people are weird about it all. My son had a gorgeous boy's Ralph lauren shirt, that was pink, but God it looked lovely. When he grew out of it recently, offered it to my sil, who has a son younger than mine who declined it based on the colour and she couldn't put a boy in a pink shirt, while looking at ds with sympathy Confused

FishWithABicycle · 01/06/2015 09:41

I'm right with you and I never buy gendered items for either sex. but clearly anything you buy this child that isn't pink and girly will go to waste so just don't buy anything for her while she is too small to express a preference herself. Open a little cash savings account - it can be in your own name - and every Christmas and birthday put some cash in it. Then when she's 12 and wants rock-climbing lessons or a drum kit you can oblige.

Chchchchangeabout · 01/06/2015 09:43

Our son wears pink and blue just like his dad does. But no point buying things the parents won't use - waste of money.

DisappointedOne · 01/06/2015 10:27

DH grew up with 3 brothers and a sexist, homophobic father. Even now, after 14 years of deprogramming by me, at 39 he won't wear pink anything. Even with a daughter that we're trying to raise as far as possible without gender stereotypes. He'll "compromise" with purple. Hmm

This stuff runs deep!

RB68 · 01/06/2015 10:37

Sainsburys "boy collection" is lovely this season and mostly purple and aqua - but gorgeous even my daughter was eyeing it up saying it was really nice - but for boys as thats what the label says....

Its not that I disagree with wearing dresses or girlie things but I just wish they wouldn't make this whole huge big deal about it all.

RB68 · 01/06/2015 10:38

Historically it was the other way round - pink for boys and blue for girls and boys wore "dresses" till about 3, then smocks and shorts...

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2015 10:43

It's been ages since we've had one of these threads

I don't mean a 'bitch about your SIL thread', I mean a pink/blue one.

Just let her get on with it and don't bother with the passive aggressive present buying.

CornChips · 01/06/2015 10:51

People really do think colours make them 'catch the gay'. (Love that phrase!). When DS was about 18 months old our childminder actually telephoned me and asked if it was okay to put him in her DD's pink pushchair to take them to the park. The reason she rang and asked is because she had done so with another little boy and his father was furious. I find that very odd.

FWIW, DS is 5 and he wears nail polish, pink things, he adores his princess dresses and dressing up for the simple reason that 'girls' dressing up clothes is usually much nicer than 'boy' stuff.

BestZebbie · 01/06/2015 11:10

Given that pink clothes aren't going to make it as far as the baby, you might do better to make sure that the child sees grown men wearing pink shirts etc so you can mention that this is perfectly OK.

From an anthropological point of view - usually the argument for giving boys pink toys is that otherwise you are saying it is fine for girls to do "boy" things because they are 'trading up', but a boy obviously wouldn't want to do any 'girl' things as they would be beneath him, what with male being innately superior to female. But if your SIL will only dress her girl in pink, not even gender neutral colours, I wonder if she actually sees pink as kind of a super special privilege that only girls get to have?

OnlyLovers · 01/06/2015 11:13

She's a silly mare at best and a homophobe at worst, and it's very wasteful.

I feel sorry for her children if they're going to grow up thinking the same daft things as she does about gender and sexuality. And what if one or both of them DO turn out to be gay? What will she do then?

OnlyLovers · 01/06/2015 11:14

She's a silly mare at best and a homophobe at worst, and it's very wasteful.

I feel sorry for her children if they're going to grow up thinking the same daft things as she does about gender and sexuality. And what if one or both of them DO turn out to be gay? What will she do then?

ChunkyPickle · 01/06/2015 11:21

Super wasteful of her, and that's why you shouldn't do it either - you absolutely know she'll chuck/sell anything that doesn't meet her very narrow view of the world.

I think the furthest you can go is to buy bright coloured or white stuff instead.

To those saying they'd not dress their baby boy in pink, why? DS2 has a lovely set of pink dungarees, and babygrows with hearts, and a raspberry hat amongst his clothes, and they look gorgeous on him - why on earth does it matter?

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 01/06/2015 11:25

I think it matters if you dress a boy in pink to make a point. Clothes should just be clothes. If you dress a baby boy in pink because you like the colour it matters not a jot.

Pipistrella · 01/06/2015 11:25

I have all boys and I dressed them in various random colours, not normally pink though a bit crept in now and again - one had a purple floral hat - but never really tha insipid pale blue either.

I hate the nasty blue and pink you get in supermarket baby departments, it's hideous whatever the sex of the child.

I just went for stripy stuff, alligators, bees, whatever was pretty and sweet.

I did have a few quite 'girly' bits and pieces just in case but didn't use them as it felt a bit odd. Gave them to a lovely friend who had a little girl - except for a few things I kept as I couldn't bear to part with them!

Sansarya · 01/06/2015 11:26

There’s still a lot of ignorant homophobes around, sadly. My DS was obsessed with the wheels of his stroller but as they were filthy I didn’t really want him touching them, so I got him a small doll’s pram. My brother was horrified at this and kept saying “but he’s a BOY”. It’s almost like he thought DS would grow up to be…a father!

Only1scoop · 01/06/2015 11:28

Bit strange to get rid of 11month olds toys. Don't quite get that bit

Just don't comment and rise above

EBearhug · 01/06/2015 11:34

She sold red and green stuff because it wasn't pink? She's definitely wasreful. I wouldn't be giving any gifts, except a copy of Cordelia Fine to her (which she probably won't read), and then I'd be making sure all future presents are stories and toys which are as gender neutral as possible. But then, that's the sort of thing I do anyway, even with people who dress their babies in any old colours.

You know you're being unreasonable to buy just pink; you know she's a bit unhinged to worry about the colour police like that. You're probably not going to change her, though, so you might as well spend your energy in other directions.