Can we talk about the personal attacks on AIBU?

[taleoftwosatellites]

Inspired by a thread that got deleted earlier today, but not about that thread in particular...

Back when I joined MN (2008) AIBU was a place for robust discussion. People weren't shy to point out when they thought others were being unreasonable.

The difference then, IMO, was that people didn't resort to character assassinations of the OP to make their point.

There was a famous thread in classics where an OP wanted to take his supersoaker to a (non supersoaker) birthday party. EVERYONE responded that she was being unreasonable but she wouldn't accept it. The thread went on forever, here

Here are five responses from the first page of that thread:

"um. i think id say no. soakers are only funny if everybody has them. i think it might all end in tears if only 2 out of the party have them."

"I think it would be very wrong to take it. It it were a water pistol party and everyone were taking them then fine. If it were your DS's party then fine otherwise I'd be bloody pissed off if some kid turned up at my kid's party and soaked everyone."

"no no no no!!!!! you have to talk to your boy and say that you are really sorry but you have changed your mind and it really isn't a good idea at all. trust me-it will end in tears if he takes it."

"(and my DS is 8 too - he's old enough to go to a party and not need to take something with him. "

"I think it may be sensible to leave the super soaker at home. It will end in tears. Your DS will survive without it."

Strong opinions but no personal attacks on the OP.

Contrast with a thread from AIBU of today:

"When you are not so grumpy go round and explain how you feel and they might just switch off the light or even change the bulbs for dimmer ones."

"It's called living around other people. Stop complaining."

"Tell them (nicely, when you're not so grumpy) "

"If you came round and asked me this, I'd have you down as batshit crazy neighbour. "

"It's a household light. Houses have them and people use them. Stop being such a drama queen precious princess"

Does anyone notice the difference in tone? Is it that MN has grown so big that personal attacks just aren't deleted anymore. Or have people stopped reporting them?

I think AIBU is quite useful for getting a perspective you may not have considered before but it's painful trawling through the mud-slinging just to get to the point.

It's almost become the culture to tack a personal attack on to the end of your point of view? AIBU used to be a robust exchange of views, now it's just a goady troll-fest.

What's it all about?

During the election I felt I had to name change several times due to my opinions. One poster said they were going to find out where I worked and contact the school because I was a danger to children?!?

There is a difference, they now talk to the person in a righteous hard tone.
I also hate it when people don't answer a question but just mock or point out spelling and grammar mistakes.

When you have one or more chasing you, they have their own little game going on. As soon as you post they derail the thread and start attacking you, quite often its a banned person in there somewhere.

You shouldn't have to name change though, but I suppose it's the only way to get rid of them.
Think I'll have a nc soon.

If you're about to namechange anyway morethanpotatoprints could you perhaps go out with a bang and tell us a little more about this chasing and derailing? - sounds intriguing..

name names also of course

The rudest person on the grass cutting thread was the OP. Who then whined about people being mean to her.
I absolutely agree-and have said it before-that there is no need for some of the really rude replies that people get in AIBU. You can tell someone that they are being U without rudeness.
However,some people really need to get a skin,let alone a thicker one.

I think it's interesting how the responses to threads vary.
Increasingly I'm seeing posters rush to support some who have fallen on hard times and are struggling financially, practically and emotionally. That's heartwarming but it seems that support is more likely to materialise if the poster seems educated and articulate and with a good grasp of grammar and spelling.
If the poster is less so there are lots of self righteous responses and digs about lifestyle and benefits and lofty suggestions about calling on support networks that simply aren't there.
A poster who seemed to fit into the MN middle class perception would, I feel, be treated differently and that's not pleasant to see.

I thought the grass op, was not rude she kept her cool whilst lots of attempts to bait her.

As for those chasing people around. I left a FB group as mn thread links were posted by a member who managed to bait an op.

I have had to NC on a couple of occasions over the past few weeks and it's all my own fault I really need to learn to lay off the keyboard when I'm tired/hungry/hormonal/stressed/any combination of the above because I have typed some pretty shit stuff and then instantly regretted it.

In RL I have no issue with saying 'shit that was a horrible thing to say, I'm so sorry!' but for some weird, unfathomable reason I can't do it on a public forum. I also forget that not everyone has the same sense of humour as me and are far more easily offended than I would ever be (there really is very little that offends me) so type stuff and, only after having cyber strips torn off me, do I realise that I perhaps shouldn't have said it.

Having said that, there are some really harsh posters on here sometimes and I have had some horrible stuff said to me which almost made me flounce.

I would love to keep my name forever so people know I'm genuine and I want to be seen as MN 'royalty' where people value my opinion but most of my advice or opinions unless it's been a bit tactless goes relatively unnoticed or ignored

I'm with morethan on this. PBPs keep slipping through the net (did That One get banned again?) and the most troubling are the ones who make PAs that stay JUST within the guidelines. I actually don't think it's got worse though, it's just different.

A poster who seemed to fit into the MN middle class perception would, I feel, be treated differently and that's not pleasant to see.

I agree sooty

At times it seems some people are absolutely desperate to protect this middle class image that Mumsnet has somehow acquired.

To the point where newbies are told how they should type/how they shouldn't type and what words and phrases are 'acceptable'.

So if someone has a problem with their 'hubby', they want to 'loose' weight or they 'could of' done something, they're far more likely to find their thread is full of bun fighting than helpful comments/advice.

It's a shame that it's becoming a bit of a no-go website for people whose spelling and grammar isn't up to a certain 'standard'.

Bare

I can't say as very recent thread , it won't take you long to find it and is well documented. Even down to dredging up a thread i started more than 2 years ago
MNHQ are sorting it, because they are lovely.

morethanpotatoprints
You shouldn't have to name change though, but I suppose it's the only way to get rid of them.

I don't want to take your sentence here out of context as I understand you are referring to those with an agenda to hunt down and goad a particular poster irrespective of what the thread is about. However I do think that the ability to NC is one of the key advantages of MN.

I and I suspect many others have name changed to discuss personal often identifying issues affecting different aspects of our lives and were we to maintain the same name we'd certainly be outed.

If the NC function were removed I suspect some posters wouldn't be so forthcoming with their experiences even if they were willing to offer broader advice . It's a shame that it offers the goady types an opportunity to 'reinvent' themselves but I think it's just a case of accepting the good with the bad.