Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can we talk about the personal attacks on AIBU?

138 replies

taleoftwosatellites · 31/05/2015 20:11

Inspired by a thread that got deleted earlier today, but not about that thread in particular...

Back when I joined MN (2008) AIBU was a place for robust discussion. People weren't shy to point out when they thought others were being unreasonable.

The difference then, IMO, was that people didn't resort to character assassinations of the OP to make their point.

There was a famous thread in classics where an OP wanted to take his supersoaker to a (non supersoaker) birthday party. EVERYONE responded that she was being unreasonable but she wouldn't accept it. The thread went on forever, here

Here are five responses from the first page of that thread:

"um. i think id say no. soakers are only funny if everybody has them. i think it might all end in tears if only 2 out of the party have them."

"I think it would be very wrong to take it. It it were a water pistol party and everyone were taking them then fine. If it were your DS's party then fine otherwise I'd be bloody pissed off if some kid turned up at my kid's party and soaked everyone."

"no no no no!!!!! you have to talk to your boy and say that you are really sorry but you have changed your mind and it really isn't a good idea at all. trust me-it will end in tears if he takes it."

"(and my DS is 8 too - he's old enough to go to a party and not need to take something with him. Hmm"

"I think it may be sensible to leave the super soaker at home. It will end in tears. Your DS will survive without it."

Strong opinions but no personal attacks on the OP.

Contrast with a thread from AIBU of today:

"When you are not so grumpy go round and explain how you feel and they might just switch off the light or even change the bulbs for dimmer ones."

"It's called living around other people. Stop complaining."

"Tell them (nicely, when you're not so grumpy) "

"If you came round and asked me this, I'd have you down as batshit crazy neighbour. "

"It's a household light. Houses have them and people use them. Stop being such a drama queen precious princess"

Does anyone notice the difference in tone? Is it that MN has grown so big that personal attacks just aren't deleted anymore. Or have people stopped reporting them?

I think AIBU is quite useful for getting a perspective you may not have considered before but it's painful trawling through the mud-slinging just to get to the point.

It's almost become the culture to tack a personal attack on to the end of your point of view? AIBU used to be a robust exchange of views, now it's just a goady troll-fest.

What's it all about?

OP posts:
Whiskwarrior · 31/05/2015 22:13

So it's unfair to bitch about people behind their backs? Yet here you are bitching about people behind their backs!

Bit hypocritical, wouldn't you say?

stayanotherday · 31/05/2015 22:14

No because I haven't mentioned any individual names.

Whiskwarrior · 31/05/2015 22:15

Do you post under the same name? Is that what makes you a regular?

I don't get it Confused

stayanotherday · 31/05/2015 22:16

Yes I do but I haven't been on mn for years and am not on here much.

roundtable · 31/05/2015 22:17

Slightly unrelated but I did have an eyebrow raised moment at an op that called people thick for not understanding her op and was handed her arse on a plate by multiple posters.

I then read a thread where a poster called other posters thick for not understanding the op and they were praised robustly.

Different day, different audience! Grin

MumSnotBU · 31/05/2015 22:17

I think it's essential that we all be in agreement at all times.

P arse that if you dare Smile

Seriously, though the best AIBUers gracefully ignore the torrents
of bile and thinly disguised jealousy, snobbishness, faux shock and naïve confusion and take any relevant criticism on the chin.

Whiskwarrior · 31/05/2015 22:18

Ah, so it's ok to have a snidey dig at someone without mentioning names?

So, cowardly then? Cos otherwise you're just being shitty about all regulars.

So either grow up or stop moaning about regulars.

stayanotherday · 31/05/2015 22:18

It does make you laugh round!

Samcro · 31/05/2015 22:19

stayanotherday so you know I know something
but I don't know what...

confused I am.

(weird)

stayanotherday · 31/05/2015 22:21

I am not a coward or being mean to everybody. I've already said several times that I'm not mentioning individual names that aren't here. I was just saying about my experience of a thread at the time.

BIWI · 31/05/2015 22:25

I think anyone who posts about 'royalty' should be specific about who exactly they mean

Whiskwarrior · 31/05/2015 22:25

But hang on, if you've been around for awhile, doesn't that make you a regular yourself? Confused

Please define what a regular is to you. It might help me to understand your point.

Whiskwarrior · 31/05/2015 22:26

Indeed BIWI.

pictish · 31/05/2015 22:28

Stop getting so het up and angling for trouble fgs. One poster expressed an opinion fairly mildly and is now cowardly, shitty, snidey and pretty much being asked for square go.
Simmer down.

stayanotherday · 31/05/2015 22:29

I have tried to explain but perhaps my posts were badly worded. I didn't mean to offend. I hardly ever post but being told to grow up isn't nice.

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/05/2015 22:30

Well, op's point about AIBU having a nasty undertone to it these days isn't being proven at all...Hmm

CoogerAndDark · 31/05/2015 22:31

The grass cutting thread was deleted? Blimey.

There are a few posters on here who are far too big for their boots. Whether they are 'regulars' or just arrivistes is up for debate. Wink

pictish · 31/05/2015 22:31

Indeed. Hmm

stayanotherday · 31/05/2015 22:32

Thank you pictish. Yes it does prove op's point. It's a shame.

Whiskwarrior · 31/05/2015 22:33

My God, the irony of the turn this has taken. But I'll say no more because MN would implode.

Samcro · 31/05/2015 22:34

i have been on mn for years, back in the day royalty was a compliment.
now days it is a sly dig and IMO should be counted as a PA by MN HQ.

stayanotherday · 31/05/2015 22:34

Yes the op asked for it to be deleted cooger as the poor thing was getting a kicking. Some posters were nice to her though.

TeAmoReally · 31/05/2015 22:35

It couldn't be, could it!? This thread is now descending into the type of behaviour it sought to counter in the first place! We're through the looking glass, people.

CoogerAndDark · 31/05/2015 22:36

Please carry on, Whisk. You wouldn't want to do what you're accusing stay of, would you.

stayanotherday · 31/05/2015 22:37

I don't know what PA means but if you want to report me that's up to you.