Can we talk about the personal attacks on AIBU?

[taleoftwosatellites]

Inspired by a thread that got deleted earlier today, but not about that thread in particular...

Back when I joined MN (2008) AIBU was a place for robust discussion. People weren't shy to point out when they thought others were being unreasonable.

The difference then, IMO, was that people didn't resort to character assassinations of the OP to make their point.

There was a famous thread in classics where an OP wanted to take his supersoaker to a (non supersoaker) birthday party. EVERYONE responded that she was being unreasonable but she wouldn't accept it. The thread went on forever, here

Here are five responses from the first page of that thread:

"um. i think id say no. soakers are only funny if everybody has them. i think it might all end in tears if only 2 out of the party have them."

"I think it would be very wrong to take it. It it were a water pistol party and everyone were taking them then fine. If it were your DS's party then fine otherwise I'd be bloody pissed off if some kid turned up at my kid's party and soaked everyone."

"no no no no!!!!! you have to talk to your boy and say that you are really sorry but you have changed your mind and it really isn't a good idea at all. trust me-it will end in tears if he takes it."

"(and my DS is 8 too - he's old enough to go to a party and not need to take something with him. "

"I think it may be sensible to leave the super soaker at home. It will end in tears. Your DS will survive without it."

Strong opinions but no personal attacks on the OP.

Contrast with a thread from AIBU of today:

"When you are not so grumpy go round and explain how you feel and they might just switch off the light or even change the bulbs for dimmer ones."

"It's called living around other people. Stop complaining."

"Tell them (nicely, when you're not so grumpy) "

"If you came round and asked me this, I'd have you down as batshit crazy neighbour. "

"It's a household light. Houses have them and people use them. Stop being such a drama queen precious princess"

Does anyone notice the difference in tone? Is it that MN has grown so big that personal attacks just aren't deleted anymore. Or have people stopped reporting them?

I think AIBU is quite useful for getting a perspective you may not have considered before but it's painful trawling through the mud-slinging just to get to the point.

It's almost become the culture to tack a personal attack on to the end of your point of view? AIBU used to be a robust exchange of views, now it's just a goady troll-fest.

What's it all about?

No, no. If people are happy to keep schtum about things, then I'm quite happy to do the same.

It's a shame mn can be scathing at times when there's also such cleverness and witty comments. The relationships thread is very interesting with some very wise comments.

TeAmoReally so true
all the "oh she said....and she was royalty"
stuff does not help does it

Phew. Glad you're not a Goady Twat, Whisk. Far too many of those about harsing the buzz

The relationship board is full of trolls.

........and stealing haitches from posts. Bastards

I completely agree OP. The replies were never like they are now, constructive opinion but not downright nasty. I was replying to something recently and nearly added something similar to what you posted here. There has been a definite change in tone since I joined in 2009.

I'm lost.

Goady? Moi? I fight Goady Fuckers in my sleep, me.

It's a good job you posted this are just read a thread that literally shocked me with the gall and insensitivity

Anyway - I restrained myself

Oh dear. I didn't know that usual. That's awful as some people are genuinely having a hard time of it.

wtf is a regular ?
this is a massive site, not a small forum

But the same old faces often show up.

Certain topics are almost required attendance for some people, you'd have to be pretty "head in the sand" if you haven't noticed that you'll invariably see a "regular" in the first 2 pages of most AIBU threads.

usualsuspect333
The relationship board is full of trolls

Yep.

If you think someone is being nasty on a thread ,you should call it on the thread.

I promise never to harse your buzz

I'm not really sure why regulars get such a bashing.

I mean I could NC every week and still be a regular.You just wouldn't know.

I tend to not bother with discussion or debate too much nowadays.

99% of threads have an answer within the first 2 pages. Everything after that is just repeated comments and often degenerates into insults.

I'll post a couple of comments & then if I feel I'm being sucked into a conversation with idiots I just hide the thread.

I've said what I want to say, they can keep going round & round all day long......

I am completely 'head in the sand' about mn posters. After five years I can think of maybe 10 posters I know by name and see regularly...although I have no clue as to whether or not they are royalty.

I don't take note of posters and where they post. Each thread is viewed with a fresh perspective for me. I couldn't claim to see the same posters on the first two pages of AIBU threads for example, because I don't pay any attention.
That's also why I can't and don't take anything personally on here.

I don't take note of posters and where they post. Each thread is viewed with a fresh perspective for me. I couldn't claim to see the same posters on the first two pages of AIBU threads for example, because I don't pay any attention.

See, I see you on posts and your name rings a bell. I'd class you as a regular, because I can guarantee I'll see you on a thread on at least a weekly basis.

There are lots of names like yours that I recognise - I couldn't tell you what threads I've seen you on, but I recognise the name - you're not in my idiot file if that's any consolation

Grass cutting Neighbour OP was new to mn, shame she first posted in AIBU.

I think if you mix the anonymity of the internet, with the ability to name change and add in the fact that aibu has a reputation for being fluff free then people are going to be harsher.
Personally I'm prepared to put up with the risk of personal attacks to be somewhere so fluff free. It's worth it imo, I frickin love aibu. Plus, when you do get lovely replies it makes them even lovelier!

Well thank you.

I tend to read the content of the posts without looking at the username. I only look at the username if I want to respond to a particular post, so I can address them directly.

I think the name change facility makes trying to keep up with who's who on here nigh on impossible, even if I was inclined to. After a handful of name changes when I first started posting, I have stuck to the same username all the time. The cynic in me says I'm in the minority on that score.

When you are chased from thread to thread by one of these posters that stay just within talk guidelines, you have no choice other than name change.

KingTut oh yes, so get that
thats why I did mine.

That's never happened to me but I agree that if it did, I would probably think about a name change.