to have another baby

[wibbleywee]

I currently have a 22 month old dd and a 3 month old ds. I work for the council and took a full year off with my first and returned 4 months pregnant with my second and am having another year off now. I am broody yet again and would love another later in the year, I became pregnant the first month of trying with both children so can hopefully plan quite well. AIBU to return to work pregnant again and have another year off?

I am usually a voice of support on here, but I want to say that YABU but not from the work/maternity leave perspective... rather I feel as though you enjoy the rush and the high from having a newborn (it is lovely!), and it is that emotion you want again rather than an actual child. I wonder if you are missing some of your older child's special moments and firsts by being preoccupied with your newest child. It's so easy to keep saying "wait a minute" whilst you deal with little un', and then when THEY are of an age where they want to share experiences and form relationships in their own way, you'd ideally want another...?

My advice to you is to cool it completely. Enjoy your children as they are now. If you hate work, quit, and just enjoy your babies. They are only small for such a short time, you'd hate to wake up one day and realise all those moments are gone.

No Ollie, I can't remember exactly what the entitlement was back then but I think it was probably 6 months pay 6 months unpaid for the first child and most likely just statutory maternity pay for the subsequent babies, I can't really remember.

OP hasn't been back, I don't think?

Sounds like a vague daydream of possibility, rather than a hard and fast plan.

"no one was saying that men should not play football when they have a job to avoid lost work through injury - he was paid full time for his sock leave as well."

Actually I used to know a rugby player who ended up in plaster so regularly he was told to stop getting injured or lose his job. He was a sales rep and couldn't drive while he was in plaster.

One point that no-one has asked is what does the OP's partner think? Does he want another child right now?

I've never understood this attitude of treating people you work with with such disregard. These are people you would probably soend more time with than your own family (depending on your hours). Why go out of your way to make their lives difficult? Of course you CAN do it, but wouldn't there be more to gain by waiting a year or two?

If I did that I would work on the assumption that when I eventually went back I would be made redundant pretty most instantly. It's a time of cuts, particularly in councils and they would have been doing without you for a long time.

You'd be marking your own card basically. It might not be fair, but that's just the way it is.

We have had so many changes at work during the last three years (new procedures, new software etc) that anyone who had spent most of it on maternity leave would struggle. It would be akin to having to train someone new to the team.

And to be honest I think the other team members would, off the record, think you were taking the piss.

The sexism on this thread is horrendous!

Women policing other women's bodies.

Is this mumsnet or Salem?

It's not to do with policing other people's bodies or being anti feminist. It's to do with balancing your rights and your responsibilities.

It's looking like Salem.

Even putting misogyny aside. These posters winging about the poor work colleagues that op should have empathy for, where is there empathy for op?

Yes colleagues do see each other more hours than family. Who will be there for op on her death bed? Op put family first.

Weird 'I'm alright jack' attitude from some on here.

Wasn't there a reverse some months ago where someone was asking if she was BU to think a colleague was taking the piss for something very similar to the OP? And the responses were overwhelmingly that the OP was BU, and it was none of her business and the woman's right? Then OP came back and said it was a reverse and was so relieved at the responses. Maybe should have done a reverse, OP...

The OP asked if she WBU to go back to work from maternity leave pregnant for a second time, while planning to take yet another year of mat leave for DC3. Legally, and assuming that the decision is right for her and her family, it is not unreasonable. However from the pov of her employer and colleagues who are having to pay for this financially and probably by increasing their own workloads, it would probably be seen as more than a little unnecessary to go off again so soon. For them, she would BU. The OP is obviously aware of this, otherwise she wouldn't have asked the question, so "whinging" about her poor work colleagues is surely relevant in replies to her post?

You won't get enhanced pay though will you? You don't unless you return for a specified period between babies. If that's the case it's not costing them anything.

There was a similar thread on here recently about someone who was off work with stress and about to be made redundant asking if they should go to a leaving do while off sick.

The same thing happened as on this thread. Posters were up in arms that people replied honestly that her employers might not be happy and it might impact on references etc. Very similar to people moaning about sexism on here.

Some people seem to expect advice to be given from an ideal world perspective where all bosses are more than happy to sympathetically deal with long term sick or repeated close together maternities.

You can see from a quick scoot around various boards that in reality it's rarely the case and it can frequently have a very negative affect on your career. I think posters would be doing the OPs a great disservice if they didn't point that out and just nodded and smiled and gave the politically correct advice of 'you do what you like, it's fine'. Especially considering there are real people with real jobs behind these sort of posts who may well get a rude awakening when they try it in the real world.

I suspect the OP would probably be first in line for redundancy and refused anything but the most basic reference, because the actual time she would have been working there over the sort of 5 year period 3 pregnancies and leaves would cover, would be so short they could quite reasonably say they couldn't give an honest assessment of her performance as there was so little of it.

It might not be right, or fair, but I think it's better to give realistic advice rather than sugar coating it just to be seen to be politically correct.

A few posters did give op practical advice as you describe whilst telling op to go for it.

My thoughts are the misogyny comments are in relation to posters telling op she is the reason Women can't gain employment and op should be thinking of her colleagues who will resent her. Those posters had no thought for a fifty five year old op who will have moved on from those work colleagues and feeling resentment she didn't have that third child.

I don't think technological advances are an issue surely anyone with half a brain can be retrained relatively quickly. Nothing changes that much in a few years.

Most of us will work from the ages 20-65 or more. I'd say she's still pulling her weight if she takes three maternity leaves.

It's not women having babies that prevents them being taken seriously at work, it's the fact that OTHER WOMEN who should be supportive bitch and moan and complain.

Where I used to work a guy broke his collarbone playing rugby, then his Achilles tendon, then his scapula I think? Anyway he was up for a renewed contract and dangerous sports were not allowed. He left shortly afterwards.

I understand feeling broody, but are you going to have another child every time you do? I'd say about fifty percent of my friends felt broody at the three month stage, and then stopped. I think your employers have been reasonable as they should, but another one SO soon, is pushing it.

I always remember a friend of ours set up his own very specialised business of overhauling a particular model of car engine, which have a huge following. He left the bigger company he had worked with, as they'd been caught not paying taxes, and they closed. One of the well trained receptionists came to interview for the job of his PA- my husband came home with the job requirements and it was so technical I couldn't understand a word of it, and if you ordered a part ZS432/5 instead of a ZS423/5 you were wrong, and the whole thing was very fast paced with people doing deals here there and everywhere so the PA was offered a great salary at the time,as shed basically done the job for ten years,took the job, then told him she was pregnant. he tried training other people but it was like medical training crammed into a year, and before she came back he went under. I was sickened.

Just because you CAN do something legally, doesn't make it right. Male or female. another woman at my work was a director and took numerous time off for infertility treatments (she told everyone). Every time she had a procedure she ended up being off for two weeks or so longer than expected. When she did get pregnant she had twins, and worked at half capacity- of course,these were precious babies. She went for tests and her blood pressure was up so she took two weeks off at home to rest, then took her two weeks holiday straight afterwards. I think that's wrong- I had my cruciate ligament done, came back to work, and worked my four weeks holidays I'd accrued. She had the babies all was fine, and she's since done the same thing. Noticed in passing shes no longer a director- don't know if that was her choice or not.

If you were my employee, I'd honestly worry about giving you a big project or more responsibility in case you became pregnant again. I had three and it's a HUGE jump from two ( I didn't work then and had no help at all at home). Unless there's a personal medical reason not to, wait, that's my long winded couldn't sleep probably nonsense response.

I used to "work" with another woman like this. She joined the company and within 9 months proceeded to have 4 children in a 5 year period, taking the maximum amount of time off after each one.

For a small/medium company that can't afford to hire a replacement it absolutely takes the piss for everyone else who has to pick up the slack.

"It's not women having babies that prevents them being taken seriously at work, it's the fact that OTHER WOMEN who should be supportive bitch and moan and complain"

TBH where I work it wouldn't just be the womwn who would think that. Choosing to have three babies in as many years is a lifestyle choice and not one that everyone else would want or understand. I think this is why many people on here think it is unreasonable.

My tuppence worth is similar to what others have said - I have been incredibly, heartbreakingly broody after each baby - this totally dissipates at about 1 year old and must be purely hormonal. It feels imperative to have another baby at the time.

Maybe give it til a year and see how you feel then.

Thanks thehuman I was just wondering really,

I'm of the opinion still that it depends where you work. If you work for a larger company or large public sector establishment and someone can be trained up to cover for you easily, then it doesn't make much of an impact.

But if we are talking about small businesses who might not have the money to pay you to do this and keep training someone else, that could be damaging to the business. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Op, if you are still reading this, I'd add that if you do this, give serious consideration to your DH taking on some of the mat leave for this baby and you return early, then him do a chunk of the next.

It will have a negative effect on your career in the short to medium term, 20 years time it might not matter if you can hang on through the first 5 years, but you will be the one they are used to coping without and therefore easiest to justify losing.

Against it as well is to be certain you aren't just processing the emotions around not going through pregnancy again - we're stopping at 2 and it did take me a long time to accept the pregnancy stage of my life is over. Next time I hold a newborn will probably be a grandchild. That's hard to accept. Dc2 is nearly 2 and I'm no longer upset by the fact I won't have another. Give yourself time to process.

Another thing to think about, can you financially cope with 3? Not just 3 lots of childcare, but many teens are wearing adult clothes and eating adult portions of food by 12/13, having time to help with 3 lots of homework, needing 5 seats on a plane makes holidays expensive, and cars big. Then into that, factor needing to save for your own safety net, benefits are already capped and being reduced, the idea around only providing for 2 dcs via the welfare state is popular, you will need to factor that in.

But most of all think, is it a 3rd child you want or a 3rd pregnancy and new born? If it's the pregnancy and birth and new born experience, think carefully if a 3rd will fix that, or if you will then get to the same stage with number 3 and get the same feelings. If it's the emotions around not going through pregnancy/new born stage again, you will have to process those emotions at some point.

humanjam In all but the lowest level jobs a lot changes in five years. New legislation needs to be complied with, new working practices are introduced, the functions of departments change, jobs change with them. If you go back after five years and there are a round of redundancies three months later (highly likely in the current climate) when they're assessing who has the skills they need to stay somebody who's been there a year is going to have a better chance of staying than the OP.