to have another baby

[wibbleywee]

I currently have a 22 month old dd and a 3 month old ds. I work for the council and took a full year off with my first and returned 4 months pregnant with my second and am having another year off now. I am broody yet again and would love another later in the year, I became pregnant the first month of trying with both children so can hopefully plan quite well. AIBU to return to work pregnant again and have another year off?

I'm really surprised at the majoroty of responses here.

I agree with Dorothea up thread. Go for it if you want to. I dont think YABU or 'taking the piss' at all.

All these 'its people like you that give women a bad name' comments are vile.

It's your choice, but I personally find strange that you're feeling broody when you have a three-month old.

Why not chill out for a bit and focus on the tiny baby you have?

Will you definitely go back to work after another baby?

I'm on mat leave with my second baby and I am dreading the expense of two in child care but also the thought of organising us in the morning to get out to nursery and work in time. The thought of adding in a third to me would drive me to the edge of coping.

In terms of work, I wouldn't say you were being unreasonable. But look closely into your finances. And whether you really will go ack to work. Your colleagues may well gripe about you not being there and you may face a struggle to get into the work you do if you are only going to be there a few months before going off again.

I'm surprised by the comments on here regarding how this scenario makes it difficult for other women.

yanbu. If you want another child why not. I really don't see the problem with you taking maternity leave u r entitled to. Some of comments above are v misogynistic.

Three under five is incredibly hard.

YANBU.

How anti-feminist is it to say "women like you make it harder to be taken seriously in the workplace"?! I mean really FFS.

I'll try to put into words why I feel like this but I probably won't do a very good job. Women have fought long and hard to be able to balance their work and their families. Maternity allowance/leave has come a long way to helping us do this, yet we are still being demonised for taking what we are entitled to - something that has been put in place to allow us to work. What would you suggest, that the op either gives up her right to work (taking us back a good 50 years) or doesn't expand her family in the timeframe of her choosing (meaning she has had her free choice taken away). I'm shocked to see that it's not men taking this viewpoint but other women.

You're effectively penalising her for having female reproductive organs. Are any of you saying her husband is being unreasonable by having 3 so close? No. She will HAVE TO have time of work in order the give birth, breastfeed (if she wants) and recover. It isn't really a choice.

It's people like you who makes things hard for black people.

It's people like you who makes things hard for gay people.

Would anyone in this thread be so comfortable making those statements, or would they know that it's racism and homophobia, respectively, of others, that makes things hard for people in those categories.

What makes things hard for working mothers is a system run by and for those who don't experience motherhood, which generally doesn't value parenting in any way.

What is the "acceptable" amount of maternity leave to have anyway? Plenty of people start a family late/early and so have quite a few children in a short space of time.

YANBU to want another baby. I remember being at my most broody when my second was around the same age!

As for work, I think you have to be aware that it will have an impact. I've known a lot of people to have 2 maternity leaves close together and that seems to be accepted (especially if people are up against the clock age wise), but when a 3rd is added to the mix it people seem to change their attitude. Much like some of the responses on this thread, a third maternity leave is seen as 'taking the piss' by a lot of people.

You also need to be aware of the potential impact on you. One of my colleagues had 3 babies very close together and found it extremely hard to get back into her job as so much had changed. She said it was almost like starting right at the beginning again, but with the expectation from her colleagues that she would be back up to speed right away. It was really tough on her and she took voluntary redundancy in the end. Luckily she didn't have to work for financial reasons, so was able to make the decision to stay at home. Obviously, that's not the same for everyone.

Of course you are within your rights to do what you want and lots of people do have 3 close together. However, I would think very carefully about the impact on you, as you'll be the one having to make the transition back into the workplace.

'Are any of you saying her husband is being unreasonable by having 3 so close? No. She will HAVE TO have time of work in order the give birth, breastfeed (if she wants) and recover. It isn't really a choice.'

If he took 3 years off in a row, yes. It's always a choice to have children. People don't have to take a whole year, either. That is a choice, too.

People cannot help being black, or being gay, but having children is a choice. So is taking a year off for each one and coming back in pregnant and going off another year.

Looks like the end of that gravy train, anyhow, if the Tories have their way, from the sounds of it they want to get rid of SMP.

I think you should go for it. Then once you come back it will be for good iykwim. It's duff for your employers in the short term but that's the way it goes.

If you have your kids so close together will you have problems paying for childcare?

Ps I had my 4 very close together and am very glad I did.

But since men don't get pregnant, or take maternity leave and women do, your point us irrelevant, expat.

I wouldn't describe maternity pay as a gravy train, either.

Well firstly expat he wouldn't need to take a year off for each child, because he wouldn't have the same physical demands on him. Women don't choose to be the child bearers, we just are. So you're saying it's fine for him to have a family but not fine for her. Why? Because she has to carry and birth the children and that means taking some time off work.

Sorry for my in-eloquence, I'm very tired. but you can see what I'm getting at.

Secondly, having children is a choice for some people, I don't believe it is a choice for others, really. It's a deep biological urge without which the human race would die out. I absolutely HAD to have children, for the sake of my mental health. I was having panic attacks at the thought of not having them. That's another argument though.

And also: so what if it is a choice? These measures were put in place so that we would have the right to choose, just like men do.

Well, there's no guarantee that you'd get pregnant immediately this time, nor what the outcome of a pregnancy would be.

If you're planning 3 children, you'll be having 3 lots of maternity leave anyway, so it's neither here nor there whether they're close together or years apart.

Those things will impact on your mental and physical health though, not to mention your finances and relationship with your partner.

Have you actually thought this through, or just posted in a 'wonder if I could do this again?' sort of vein.

Depends on your job, I have a friend who did that, returned to work pg twice, so 3 children quickly. We work for a big company, with thousands doing the same entry level job as she did, no one minded as she wasn't really missed (in a volume of work way). She's been back full time 10 years now and has been promoted twice.

Did op come back?

'So you're saying it's fine for him to have a family but not fine for her. Why? Because she has to carry and birth the children and that means taking some time off work.'

Not saying that all. Plenty of women the world over go back to work mere weeks after having a child. 'Some time' is what most people have to take after any type of physical event. But year after year after year?

Having children is a choice as is taking a year off with each.

And this whole 'we' business. You don't speak for all women. Some women are just fine with seeing the entire paid mat leave system revoked. I wouldn't go that far, but there are plenty on here who are of the opinion that if you cannot afford to pay for every bit of it, don't have 'em. Some women believe these long mat leaves leave women with less choice as they may face more discrimination in the workplace during their childbearing years.

Horses for courses.

Yes, discrimination from other women which is what we're seeing on this thread.

Cry me a river. I think it's pisstaking to take 3 years off and expect to have a job at the end of it whilst everyone has to pick up the slack just because you can and you have a pair of ovaries.

People like you are the reason women face more discrimination in the work place. YABU.

My thoughts exactly expat.

I agree with expat.

It's taking the piss. How can women expect to assume that taking mat leave won't hinder a career (when after all they are taking time off) when people take off years in a row?

God, I hope a significant proportion of men take extended amounts of shared parental leave to erode this awful attitude towards women taking maternity leave.

It's not unreasonable to want three children. It makes no practical difference to take maternity leaves close together and have it all done and dusted within a shorter space of time than to spread it over a decade. I wouldn't think less of any colleague who did this.

It is management's responsibility to find decent, reliable cover. Maternity leave shouldn't add to another colleague's workload. If it does, your ire should be directed at the employers, not the pregnant woman.

Maternity leave isn't a big holiday and our contribution to society isn't solely defined by our paid employment. Bringing up children is worthwhile and important and should be valued by society.

All of that said, I don't think it's advisable for your health to have three pregnancies so close together and it might be sensible to give your body a break and let the hormones settle, OP.

I think this would be a massive pisstake and YABU - sorry.

You are shafting your employer and more importantly, your colleagues (who will presumably have to do your job for yet another year). Maternity cover tends to be the first thing that gets cut in leaner times, IME.

Just because you can does not mean you should. Our maternity leave is already much more generous than 90% of the world and it plainly was never intended to allow you to spend the vast majority of your time as an "employee" (using the term loosely) staying at home having kids.

Expat Where are all these women opposed to mat leave? It's not an opinion I've seen widely on MN.

As for "but there are plenty on here who are of the opinion that if you cannot afford to pay for every bit of it, don't have 'em."

You do realise that SMP is provided by everyone's taxes, including working mothers? And that women of all backgrounds take maternity leave, including plenty who have probably either prepaid or paid back their SMP several times over.

I'm baffled as to where you get the idea that taking maternity pay is somehow sponging.

Is using any government service paid for by the taxpayer sponging too?

I would be mortified to return from maternity leave pregnant. The people you work with are humans, after all, they're bound to be completely put out.