to have another baby

[wibbleywee]

I currently have a 22 month old dd and a 3 month old ds. I work for the council and took a full year off with my first and returned 4 months pregnant with my second and am having another year off now. I am broody yet again and would love another later in the year, I became pregnant the first month of trying with both children so can hopefully plan quite well. AIBU to return to work pregnant again and have another year off?

Popped back to see if this thread had improved. Not much. Cannot believe the misogyny on here. So disappointing.

OP I'm currently on mat leave myself but once I'm back paying taxes, before I have the audacity to get pregnant again, I'll happily pitch in my tax pennies to fund your time with another baby.

'Expat Where are all these women opposed to mat leave? It's not an opinion I've seen widely on MN.'

You don't hang around benefits threads, I see.

And I never wrote that I am opposed to maternity leave, if you read my post. It doesn't suit your agenda, however, I understand.

I think taking three years in a row off work just because you can is a pisstake, no matter what one's gender. This is my opinion.

I never felt that maternity leave was time 'off work' tbh.

Someone has to raise the next generation, no?

I think job security does differ, some women might be able to take three years off in a row and fall back into work easily. Or take longer mat leaves than some others.

If I tried to have even two babies in a row my job would seriously suffer. I am self employed and by the time i went back to working I would find it ridiculously difficult, the industry would have changed so much I would find it hard to slot back in.

But I don't begrudge other women with a career position that allows them to take longer mat leave. I love my job it it was my choice to have it.

I don't think YWBU to return to work pregnant but I do think YWBU to take another year off for number 3. It just isn't fair on your colleagues to have 3 years off out of 4. And I do think it makes a difference having them so close together. It's easier to cover a year if you haven't just been doing it.

Though my opinion does depend on what you're doing. If it's fairly generic, faceless type work that has a high staff turnover and is easy to train someone in then I think it's less important.

I would either:

• go back to work, wait a year, get pregnant and take a year off or *go back to work pregnant, take 2-3 months off and then go back. or *just leave now and become a SAHM. 4 sets of care fees will cost you your salary and maybe more anyway.

I never felt that maternity leave was time 'off work' tbh.

If you don't go into work for a year, what else could it possibly be?

YABU. What a complete piss take.

Bloody hell this thread reads a bit like a DM comments section

If it works for your family do it OP. You work in the public sector and one of the perks is that your bosses should be slightly more decent about maternity etc (even if it's just because they have to!). I fully admit to being jealous - in a nice way - that you're in a situation where you can contemplate it. So I repeat - if it works for your family, do it.

Ignore the nastier comments.

expat - I read your post fine, thank you and no, I don't visit benefit threads.

The "Some people might say" tactic you pulled is just a way to say something unpleasant while hiding behind other people. Just my opinion, of course.

I have dd & ds with a couple more months gap than yours. When ds was 3 months I was v broody and planning number 3. He is now 10 months and I can quite confidently say all broodiness has gone and there will only ever be 2. Give it a bit more time before making any decisions I'd suggest.

Workwise, depends on you/your job/colleagues I dont think there can be a generic yabu/yanbu.

'The "Some people might say" tactic you pulled is just a way to say something unpleasant while hiding behind other people. Just my opinion, of course.'

Yep, just your opinion, because it was in response to someone writing 'we' in reference to all women, when, naturally that is not the case. We all think differently, women are not a collective. I then wrote I don't disagree with maternity pay, but feel that taking three years off in a row and still expect to the job to be held is a pisstake, be the person male or female. I still stand by that opinion, however unpleasant you find it.

Ah, this is a really tough one.
You are well within your rights to do exactly what you want. Your employer cannot and should not discriminate.
However in your position, I wouldn't. My employer has been so supportive during my pregnant and maternity leave. He is happy for me. He genuinely cares about me, not just as his employee, but as a person and a mother. I feel that works both ways somehow and so I wouldn't want to take advantage. Employers that do fully support are few and far between and I am very lucky he is like that. So I ensure I treat him with equal respect- I don't see my work as just a way to find my maternity leave and he doesn't see me just as his commodity. Give and take. He cares, I care and neither of us is going to put the other in a position where they feel like the other is taking more than they are giving. A gentleman's agreement I guess!

I think I'm being really inarticulate.

To summarise:- of course you should do whatever you want. The law protects us and allowed us to do what you are thinking of doing without discrimination. And thank goodness it does. But I personally feel that within that, depending on circumstances, we should make choices which factor in the financial, practical and personal aspect from the other side of it.

To a certain extent, I feel like the discrimination laws exist to allow us to both have children and have fulfilling careers and that makes me feel incredibly lucky. But if you do want to take a third consecutive year out, I wonder if you do really want to have a fulfilling career? Not judging, I promise. Just wondering what your priorities are.

Years ago I managed someone who had three babies in a row, she would've come back for about 6 weeks between baby 2 and 3 but she decided to take unpaid parental leave instead which was better all round.

She had just over 3 years in total then came back part time but couldn't afford the childcare, so eventually left.

I had no problems with her taking that amount of time off, it actually worked out easier because we kept on her maternity replacement.

Was she on full mat leave pay for those three years thehuman?

It's a tricky one. You are of course perfectly within your rights to have a 3rd mat leave quickly, but I do think it is likely to damage not only your career prospects, but your working relationships, perhaps irrevocably. If you are a public sector worker, there are likely to be risks of redundancy over the next few years, and you will find it hard to justify your position within your workplace if you are never there, and your colleagues have been managing without you for 2-3 years!

Other posters have mentioned the consideration of childcare costs for 3 preschoolers. Can you afford it? Could you afford 3 children if you were made redundant or if they cannot accommodate your flexible working request 3rd time round? Would you plan to go back at all after the 3rd? If not, then my answer changes to YABVU! All your and your family's decisions depending on your priorities, but a little bit of consideration for your employer/colleagues should maybe figure into it?

YABU. I'm afraid this kind of behaviour just makes it more difficult for women in the workplace. You'll be written off as a complete waste of time.

The arguement that if you are going to have 3 maternity leaves what does it matter if they are all together. Well it does, it makes a difference if you are back in the workplace for a chunk of time to get back into the job, cope with any changes, etc before going off again.

It depends on how you view it really, is it a job that pays the bills and you are not bothered about how the team view you and your role in that team, or is it a career you want to do well at? If so, like with anything in life, there has to be compromise.

I remember working with someone who became pregnant within 3 months of starting the job. No-one objected to that, it was pretty clear it wasn't intentional. She then had quite a lot of time off with sickness, and again no-one objected to that. Her pregnancy spanned two holiday years, and again no-one objected when she took her full entitlement in respect of the first year's holiday in addition to time off for medical appointments. However, no-one was terribly impressed when she then took her full complement of the following year's holiday entitlement shortly before disappearing on maternity leave. Shortly before the end of her maternity leave, she announced that she wasn't coming back. Out of 21 months of employment with the firm, she had actually worked rather less than three. She caused a pretty substantial dip in the finances of that department which had had to bear all the expenses of recruiting and training her and had never reaped the benefits.

A couple of years later she applied for another job with the firm. She wasn't shortlisted.

A bloke at my old work broke his hand playing 5 a side football. He had time off for the op and recovery.

A few months later he did it again playing football, no one was saying that men should not play football when they have a job to avoid lost work through injury - he was paid full time for his sock leave as well.

Did he have three years in a row off and deliberately injure himself to get sick time?

I'm somewhere near your position op. Although dd2 will be 2 and a bit when DC 3 comes round and I'll have been back at work 18 months.

I dreaded telling everyone at work but they've all been really pleased for me and said family is more important than work. Childrens services though so they all purport to like little UN's :)

I've not read all of the responses, but I'm shocked at some of the horrible and ignorant comments you have received.

Given that your fertility seems pretty robust, you could probably afford to wait a bit before going for number 3. Do you think you might want more later as well? How about doing 2 and 2 with a bit of a longer gap before the second two? It's quite nice having older ones in school when you have the next baby.

FWIW I don't think it's strange at all to be broody so soon - I was desperate for another baby straight after my first, and had my first two 11 months apart.

owltina - thehumanjam pointed out a few posts earlier that, for her, it worked out easier managing someone who took their mat leaves close together.

winter, my point is that maternity leave (especially with 3 pre-schoolers) is hardly a holiday from hard work and responsibility, is it?

The logical extension of the 'this sort of behaviour...' arguments is that women shouldn't have babies/take maternity leave as they're letting their colleagues down/wasting public money/taking the piss etc etc.

This to me smacks of the mysogynistic attitudes and structures that have oppressed and subordinated women for so long, and are still very much in evidence judging by this thread.

Maternity leave is a statutory legal right. Families have access to different organisational packages etc, but the law recognises that someone has to raise the next generation.

This is why no one wants to hire young women for serious roles.

YABU But I fully understand why you want to and you shouldn't let anyone dictate when you have DCs.