to make 'stuff'

[Tinklewinkle]

I had a bit of a...I wouldn't call it an argument really...with a friend last night. I know I shouldn't let it upset me, or pay it any attention, but I've been stewing on it a bit and I am quite upset about it.

I've been hunting for a rug for DD's bedroom, but we couldn't really find anything that DD liked, was the size we wanted and wasn't silly £££.

I like craft (sewing, knitting, crochet, etc) and find sitting still in front of the TV quite hard so need something to fiddle with and usually knit or crochet. I've just made some granny square blankets and am over knitting at the moment, so I thought I'd have a go at making a rag rug. It's the ultimate in mindless craft, I can do a bit each evening with one eye on Eastenders and not have to concentrate on it too much.

Anyway, friends were over last night, their kids play with ours, we get a takeaway and usually have a nice evening. Friend came in and clocked the half done rug folded up over the arm of the sofa.

She asked what I was making now, with a bit of eye rolling, said I was having a go at making a rag rug, she was a bit "oh, FFS " I just laughed it off, and said "oh, you know what I'm like" and left it at that

A bit later she bought the subject of the rug up again and had a huge go at me about it. "Why can't I just buy a rug like normal people?", that I'm making my kids a laughing stock with all the handmade stuff "what's wrong with Disney Princess/Frozen/whatever stuff", why do I always have to be different and that it's intensely irritating that I'm so arty farty about everything

I said that I enjoyed making stuff and the kids had never complained about anything I'd made them (I don't make clothes, I'm rubbish at dress making, but I like messing about with stuff like bunting and cushions and house-y guff)

Initially, I was a bit "fuck off and mind your own business" but like I say, I've been stewing a bit and am a bit upset by it. It feels like a huge criticism of me if that makes sense. And, the kids/laughing stock comment has cut a bit.

She was definitely way out of order going off on one like that. Your rug and other crafty things sound lovely, I know you say it isn't jealousy but it does sound a bit like that to me.

You say she thinks you're tight - I do find this can be annoying in some people eg who will only ever want to go to the cheapest possible cafe (and walk round for ages comparing prices), or do packed lunches even on holiday, or refuse to participate in anything that's not with a voucher or a special offer or bargain basement type thing. Absolutely FINE with this when people are on low incomes or in a counting pennies phase, but I had a friend who was comfortably off yet took scrimping to the extreme. For her it was a way of life with 0 exceptions possible, and it did get quite wearing as her friend.

Anyway, I think it's far more likely that she is just overly materialistic plus on some level jealous of you. But has she ever been put out in any way by what she perceives as your 'tightness' eg when out and about doing stuff together?

you ought to take up stripping too...

varnish stripping... much easier than sanding.

No, I don't think I'm tight like that.

I mean, if we're going to Legoland or something like that I'd prefer to use my clubcard points, or use a 2 for 1 voucher or something, who wouldn't? But, lunch in a cafe or buying icecreams or whatever, then no.

But take the ottoman/window seat thing, I don't see the point of spending £x on a brand new one, when I could make exactly what I wanted. Or £20 for bunting for DD's room, when I could make exactly how she wanted it for a fiver.

It's not just about money though, and it's not always cheaper. I enjoy making it and sometimes, for example DDs' blankets, by the time I'd bought knitting wool and bits and pieces, it would have been cheaper to buy a Frozen/whatever blanket, but I enjoy the whole process of seeing whatever is in my head becoming a reality. Taking an old, unwanted ottoman that has seen better days, and turning it into something new and seeing it used and loved again is quite satisfying.

I don't think she appreciates that part of it though, she just sees me taking a manky old box out of my neighbour's skip and thinks I'm tight.

She's not really a friend really is she? Speaking to you like that. What you said about her sort of just exploding after years of frustration - well I can imagine my DH doing that, but then that's because I have a LOT of craft and sewing stuff that we really don't have room for and the poor bloke lives in my sea of 'stuff'.

He doesn't really 'get' it either, but he kind of understands that people pay me money for my bags, and also that I love making stuff (and therefore can keep DS2 occupied as he too loves makeing stuff) so he keeps it shut.

She doesn't get it because she's not creative.
She cannot and will never understand the point of what you're doing. There is no point trying to explain this and to ridicule you for doing its is downright nasty. Did she not read the memo? Its 2015. Shaming people is out. Crafting is IN!!

She won't ever experience the joy and satisfaction of producing something she's made/upcycled/embellished all by yourself. Its not about how great the finished product is (although if it is great - bonus!) its about the process.

I should feel sorry for her frankly, because not only is she not creative, she is petty and unpleasant and not worth your time. Spend it making stuff instead ;)

Anyone who thinks craft stuff is a sign of tightness is daft. Yes the materials might be home sourced but it is the time taken (and the sense of achievement /frustration) that is the bonus/cost.

Thanks, Joff. Lack of a car might be a slight barrier to car-boot sales I've got one of those £15 sewing machines 'for students' (it's a toy machine, basically,) which is OK for straight lines on light fabrics. Anything more ambitious interesting will have to wait a long time.

Darkness, I thought your post about differing values was really well set out :) As you say, neither is wrong but criticism's easily inferred.

I have an acquaintance who sounds like you and tbh she sometimes drives me nuts.

Everything is knitted in various colours of sludge. Everything is homemade. She spends so much energy on it and it's just all a bit.... urgh. Calm down and just buy a pair of socks!

She comments on price above all and she is really too proud of everything being handmade. Price of everything and value of nothing!

She knits all the time too- it's really off-putting trying to have a conversation with her with that infernal clicking noise.

However, I would never have a go at her. That's just rude.

I like to sew/knit things for my DD. I have a bizarre aversion to actually admitting that some of her clothes etc are handmade. I know some people think it's 'old fashioned' and am also wary of people thinking I'm looking for compliments.

Your friend sounds odd though. I do think it's a case of opposing values i.e. Why can't you just pop into Next and buy it?

Also the idea that crafting is cheap is ridiculous. I think fabric is bloody expensive! WHY is it so much cheaper in the US? Not fair! (as my 6 year old would say)

your friend not v nice person .. I agree with SurlyCue I'd be asking you how to do it .. you could make a fortune teaching people. have a class... then she WOULD be jealous!

It just sounds like she was rather vicious and aggressive and perhaps your reaction is simply the shock of being on the recieving end in your home (and castle). I find I've usually got the skin of a rhino, but rudeness of this type when I think I'm safe in my own house is quite startling.

To be honest if this had been usual ribbing outside of your own home I'd let it go. But as it does sound quite nasty I'd send her a message, something like, "thanks for coming to dinner on xxx, was lovely to see you both as usual. However, I was quite taken a back by your rude comments about my crafting and how this might effect my children. Obviously we've got different views on this, but perhaps given that you do seem to feel so strongly, it's a topic best avoided or dealt with more politely in future." (Now go fuck yourself on your (probably Next) sofa in your living room straight from the Next catalogue).

half way through reading this thread and I have 2 things to say.

Non-crafters never quite get it, and that's fine. She's a bitch, and that's not fine.

and

now i find myself plannning a hula-hoop fort for my kids.

I'm also a stuff-maker and I have a friend a bit like yours OP.

We were shopping last year when I first realised she was a bit about my hobbies. Looking at scarves and she said something like "oh but I bet you'd rather make yours than buy it wouldn't you " - plus a few comments about my idea of a good time being a crochet party with my grandmother. Nice.

She didn't complain so much about me being crafty when I made her wedding cake for free.

Things have cooled off between us lately

Another dilettante crafter here, fabric hoarder with 200 things on the go. If somebody said things like that to me I would cry! I LOVE making things for people and both friends and strangers have bought things from my Etsy store as well as receiving things as gifts.
Her opinion is that people who create wonderful things and work hard at it are somehow defective or pathetic. And as this is clearly not true, she is clearly a loon.
Now I am off to think some more about appliqueing that Hey Duggee t shirt for DS (he may be 15 by the time he gets it!)

I'm loving all the rude crafting. Feel almost compelled to pick up cross stitch :)

love that shift dress Joffrey, would need to play with the neckline a bit, plus line it, and maybe use something less "crease if you look at it sideways" than linen though. Oh, and find someone to repair my sewing machine

This reminds me of the Coat of Many Colours song - Dolly Parton.

I used to love making all sorts of stuff from nothing.

I used to buy good hand knitted clothes from jumble sales, unravel the wool and knit something else.
Likewise good jumble clothes would get cut up to make more clothes.
Patchwork curtains were rather good too.

Ignore your 'friend'.

Thanks all

It just sounds like she was rather vicious and aggressive and perhaps your reaction is simply the shock of being on the recieving end in your home (and castle). I find I've usually got the skin of a rhino, but rudeness of this type when I think I'm safe in my own house is quite startling

Yes, I think you're right.

I can usually give as good as I get and can take a ribbing as well as anyone else, but this felt different.

This is going to make me sound like a paranoid nutter, but it almost made me feel like I didn't belong in my own house. She managed to imply (probably not intentionally) that she'd been having chats about it all with DH and the kids behind my back and they all agreed with her. Like she knew my kids better than I did, and how could I be so stupid as to think they actually liked the stuff I made them. It made me feel that she's the cool mum, with the cool house and her children have the cool bedrooms and maybe my family are all just humouring me but enough is enough

It really made me doubt myself, which is just silly.

Twinkle have you considered Annie Sloan paint for your dresser? You don't need to sand!

I'll not say what I think of your friend as I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about her and her shallow ways

tbh, you do sound terribly annoying ;)

I am crap at all that stuff and I my friends who are brilliant at it do make me feel inadequate in those skills. However, I am nothing but proud of their creations and frequently tell them I am jealous and they are making me look bad (luckily DH is happy I am rubbish at that stuff), but not in a serious way. We're all good at and interested in different things.

I love to help creative friends by sending stuff I see online that looks awesome but I have no hope in ever making cos they are friends and I want to be involved in their craftiness. It is hard work though, all that browsing Pinterest ( :) ) and wishing I could do it but then I can email it to someone who will be grateful and enjoy it even more.

My reward for all my tireless support of swooning over images on Pinterest? Lovely stuff made for me and the family by them. Having crafty friends is awesome as you don't have to do the stuff yourself, just enjoy what they make :)

She's clearly a bit sh*t at being a friend as well as being crafty.

Joffrey, I am doing the same with a skirt that doesn't fit me anymore. I need to make it larger. Mind you, at least I can make it bigger...

Your friend is a fool, home made things are fab as I expect your rag rug will be.

I forgot to add, I ended up looking at rag rugs and thought it would be good to have one in the hall! You've started a trend!

MyVisions I transposed the neckline from an 18thC shift (I made clothes for living history as well!) on the linen shift dress pattern and it was simple but has given me confidence to try drafting other things. It's probably my favourite dress of the ones I made last month (spent a month making dresses as I realised all my clothes were knackered!)

Reading this thread again, just reminded me of a rag doll my mum sewed for me when I was about 9 and a bit. She died when I was 10. I loved that doll better than most of my expensive, bought toys. Wish I still had it!

Gosh this thread has taken me back... When I was a child (many moons ago!) my Mum, my Nan and I made a 'podged rug' (Black Country) every winter, using an opened out hessian sack as backing and strips cut from our family's old clothes as the rags. It was put down as our hearthrug after spring cleaning, and used until the following year. As a small child, my job was to cut the strips of cloth, then I graduated to 'podging' as my hands got stronger...
You've taken me right back to those evenings when we sat in front of the fire making the rugs and talking...
I'm really not as old as this makes me sound