To want to find out if my kids are safe (and how to do this anyway?)

[wheresthecat]

Bit of a long one but don't want to drip feed.
Up the road a little way the house was sold a few years ago and a woman moved in - has never spoken to any of us in the street, very much keeps herself to herself - this is very unusual in our street as everyone knows everyone, but it's her right.
About six months ago, her son moved in (mid twenties) spending his time between here and another house they have in the city. The only time we see them is in the middle of the night when they come back from Sainsburys - they're never out in the daytime, and the son will sometimes stand staring out of the window, and then shut the blind quickly if he sees anyone looking.

To get to the point, last night we were awoken by a huge commotion, four police vans and paramedics outside the house, the man shouting and screaming, swearing as they tried to get him into the ambulance. He was extremely violent and it took a long time for the police to fully restrain him and get him in the ambulance - we presume he was being sectioned.
One of the neighbours asked if there was anything he could do, but was told this man was extremely violent and dangerous, and to stay inside.

So, this morning, this leaves me wondering about the kids - they are just beginning to go for little walks by themselves (to the corner shop, round the corner to their friends' houses etc. Are they safe with this man around? And how would I find out - would the police be likely to give a definitive answer.
Obviously this man is ill, and I wouldn't ask his mother as I wouldn't want to (very awkward, invading privacy etc) but I would feel so much happier knowing.

If the OP's neighbour was running around with a sword and talking to God then perhaps you would have concern for you kids. What's actually happening is he spends most of his time inside and is now probably in hopsital/a police cell.

If your community is that close really then go and see if the mother is ok.

I feel exactly the same, Twinkle - I'm genuinely shocked that so many people have such an archaic and bigoted reaction to mental illness - all on the strength of hearsay from an interfering member of the public of dubious reliability, and regarding a family who have seemingly gone their utmost to keep away from everyone in the neighbourhood.

I'm shocked that people are happy to be so openly ignorant and judgemental.

But if you or no one close to you has suffered with mental health problems, you have no idea what you saw. The OP just saw a shouting, struggling man being restrained by police.

Those of you who have the experience to recognise it for what it was - an episode, common in MH problems and which has no significance in relation to this man's 'dangerousness', should just say that, not jump all over her and call her names.

How are people going to be educated if they get shouted down and insulted for asking the question?

It is clear to me that some posters on here have never been in the situation of being around someone with mh problems and are distressed by this experience and worried about the effect on their children.

I myself have never in real life met people with an absence of understanding or awareness of the human experience which leads them to assume that someone who is distressed is automatically a risk to their children, even when their children never have anything to do with this person. Or someone who will 'offer to help' the police in order to get a closer nosey at the situation.

Therefore, I'm quite concerned that my kids might come into contact with someone like that and they might have to bear witness to that sort of ignorance and nastiness.

Same thing really.

But the information is out there for anyone to find. Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean you should automatically assume it's dangerous. That never ends well. It is incredibly small minded to witness what the OP has and then immediately jump to 'WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!'. If she didn't understand what was happening she could have come on here and asked if anyone has experience in this area and could explain to her.

You don't need direct experience of MH issues in order to have an intelligent, non-judgemental, well-reasoned, and empathic response to it.

Grumpyoldbiddy

Most children who have awful things happen to them shouldn't have been worried about strangers, but members of their own family or someone else they know relatively well.

Just because YOU 'assume' he's been sectioned automatically means he's a danger to your kids! Get off your high horse and stop being so ignorant. You have no idea what this man and his mother are going through so butt out!

In what way do you mean safe do you think this man is likely to be more harm to him (and his poor mother) than your children stop being so bloody dramatic

I meant to say do you think this man is going to kill your children

What mide7 said why dont you go and see if the mother is ok

This is why many people with mh problems keep themselves to themselves. The police restraining him was possibly to keep him safe. You and your neighbours clearly have no empathy for the poor man.

Living on your street sounds like my worst nightmare tbh, don't any of you have anything better to do?

For this woman being private you all know a lot about where her son lives and who knows when their neighbours go to to sainsbury's nosy buggers

Your children would never go with this man since they don't know him so they are safe from him. He sounds like he is terrified of all of you and wants no contact at all.

Someone who wants to harm kids would make sure to be warm and neighbourly, so they trust him when the time comes.

I'd want to know my children were safe too. It's not about whether your kids are capable of dealing with an encounter with someone slightly different it's about understanding the potential of this persons illness/addictions and the impact they have on you/yours.
This man maybe struggling with serious mental health issues or drug addiction and judging from the incident and the police giving the advice they did you have every right to be concerned. Not every right to know all the details, they are nothing to do with you but to know that the man is not a threat to your safety seems perfectly reasonable?

The police didn't give advice Always. I doubt they said what the OP alleges they said at all.

The OP has never seen this man except in the middle of the night. How is he a danger to her children exactly?

"the incident described is not what happens to normal people."

On the contrary, mental illness does happen to "normal" people just like physical illness does.

That poor man and his mother. Hopefully somebody has offered her some support and he is getting good treatment.

Maybe put a card through her door, offering a listening ear and some understanding, if she wants it. At least she'll know not everyone is harshly judging them.

OP, you know how precious your little children are, how much you love and cherish them? Want to protect them from harm and hope they have happy lives? I expect that's how this woman feels about her son. Have some compassion.

Get a grip. They haven't seen / heard anything from him since moving in, there's no indication that he is a drug user. Where have you extrapolated all this information from?

I'd be far more concerned about the interfering busy bodies on the street who have an unhealthy interest in their neighbour's shopping habits.

I think not for one second believe that the police said the man is incredibly violent and dangerous. The neighbour who this was 'said' to is embellishing what was said - or the OP is.

Whilst I understand the sentiment, I also don't think the OP should put a card through or try and make contact, she'd only be doing it to get juicy information to gossip with the neighbours about. I'm sure that fellas mum can do without that sort of support.

We all want our children to be safe why wouldnt the op children be safe if they are in their home or out playing this man closes blinds stays indoors yes you here of people being hurt by a madman with a machete on the news occasionaly but honest to god the op and her neighbours just need to be vigilant which parents need to do anyway.

Sorry for typo. But I do not believe the police said anything about the man being violent and dangerous. This is simply the assumption of the 'neighbour' or the OP.

grumpyoldbiddy you are right if the street showed interest now it would look nosey