To want to find out if my kids are safe (and how to do this anyway?)

[wheresthecat]

Bit of a long one but don't want to drip feed.
Up the road a little way the house was sold a few years ago and a woman moved in - has never spoken to any of us in the street, very much keeps herself to herself - this is very unusual in our street as everyone knows everyone, but it's her right.
About six months ago, her son moved in (mid twenties) spending his time between here and another house they have in the city. The only time we see them is in the middle of the night when they come back from Sainsburys - they're never out in the daytime, and the son will sometimes stand staring out of the window, and then shut the blind quickly if he sees anyone looking.

To get to the point, last night we were awoken by a huge commotion, four police vans and paramedics outside the house, the man shouting and screaming, swearing as they tried to get him into the ambulance. He was extremely violent and it took a long time for the police to fully restrain him and get him in the ambulance - we presume he was being sectioned.
One of the neighbours asked if there was anything he could do, but was told this man was extremely violent and dangerous, and to stay inside.

So, this morning, this leaves me wondering about the kids - they are just beginning to go for little walks by themselves (to the corner shop, round the corner to their friends' houses etc. Are they safe with this man around? And how would I find out - would the police be likely to give a definitive answer.
Obviously this man is ill, and I wouldn't ask his mother as I wouldn't want to (very awkward, invading privacy etc) but I would feel so much happier knowing.

As a pp have said, people with mental illness are far more a risk to themselves than to others. Sorry but YABU. Have some sympathy - it could easily be you or your DC in that situation.

That's right tess I wouldn't bat an eye because I'm the one who has the police and ambulances and my neighbours are the knobs behind their curtains.

Thank your lucky stars you don't have to experience it eh?

Are you sure the paramedics and police didn't tell your neighbour, "No you can't help, bugger off and let us do our job".

I assume there's no possible way you could pop round and offer the woman a cuppa over at yours?

Extremely sad post OP, discrimination dressed up as child protection.

firsttime Unfortunately because of the hysterical society we live in. Everyone is a danger, without any logical reasoning.

Has anyone offered to go anything useful for the woman? Anyone knocked on to see if she wanted a brew or anything? I bet not, I lived on a street like this one - judging and muttering will be happening and she'll know it.
OP in order to know if this man is 'a danger to your children' you would need access to his medical records. It won't happen and unless you can be useful in someway you need to butt out and teach your children general street sense.

Hopefully someone in the area is that compassionate Idontseeanydragons. I would despair if they are all hiding behind their curtains assuming and judging.

Your children are in far more danger from people you are related to, and friends with (like nice neighbours) than someone who keeps themselves to themselves.

Your neighbour likely got a barked response from the police because they would know that someone offering to help in that situation is being plain nosy at an inappropriate time.

Wow. Wasn't your neighbour being helpful popping round to see if there was anything they could do. A bit like those people who slow down past car accidents just to see if they can help out.

I have had that precise experience, Tess. Turned out to be a DV situation. Really would have been a bit of a knob to stop my DS going to the shop because of that, don't you think?

Hope so Twinkle, it's horrible to think she might be dealing with it alone.

Anyone else remember the stats from A level psychology? If you're suffering from a mental illness you're more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than the perpetrator. So your poor neighbour can get a double win of an illness that makes the world a terribly scary place and being someone's punchbag.
It doesn't sound like he's any risk to your children, but it is an opportunity for them to learn a bit about what other people are experiencing and what mental health difficulties actually mean. I think now about stuff I heard in the playground and it's unbelievable. First hand experience might stop them accepting that discriminatory bike...

Err obviously not the being bundled into an ambulance bit! That will leave them terrified! Sorry think I might need some sleep.

If the police said that my neighbour was extremely dangerous and violent I would be concerned. Seems obvious. I have no idea how to find out more.

The OP doesn't know whether the police actually said that he was violent and dangerous - this was hearsay from a busybody who was asked by the police to remove themselves from the vicinity of the incident. The neighbour has very possibly embellished the story, rather than admit that they were asked to sling their hook for being an interfering nuisance

Would the police actually describe someone in these circumstances in such hyperbolic terms? Seems rather unprofessional to me.

YANBU. Possible mental illness is a bit of a red herring here. Of course the vast majority of people living with mental illness aren't violent or dangerous and don't present any sort of risk to the general public. However, since this man has been seen to behaving in an 'extremely violent' manner then (whether or not this is related to a mental health problem) it is entirely reasonable for anyone living in close proximity to be concerned. I would be cautious too.

I don't believe the police said any such thing.

I doubt very much (and quite rightly) the OP can find out any details about this man's medical history.

The man was seen shouting, screaming and swearing. Nowhere has the OP said she actual saw him being physically violent.

Surely if the man has been sectioned or otherwise removed (I assume if he's been described as 'extremely dangerous and violent', he's actually a psychotic killer although presumably OP has been watching the local news for any information so that may have been hyperbole on someone's part), then he no longer represents a danger to the OP's little darlings?

Am I the only one who is completely gobsmacked that there was even a suggestion of asking his mum?

SoftSheen where would you draw that conclusion from? From the neighbour paraphrasing what the (busy) police told a busybody? This attitude of 'We should be scared until told otherwise' is pathetic, insulting to anyone with a mental illness, and completely out dated.

Bloody nora op...you are getting a hard time. For what it's worth I personally would not be happy living near someone who has had an incident like that. Yes mental illness is common blah blah blah but four police vans etc would be enough to make me worry. This thread is an example of the PC brigade gone wild. I don't think it automatically makes you a bad person to be concerned about your children given the incident.

I don't believe the police said that either. They probably just wanted the nosey neighbour to fuck off and let them do their job.

Are you sure the paramedics and police didn't tell your neighbour, "No you can't help, bugger off and let us do our job".
I suspect this is more accurate. If the police did say he was violent and dangerous, it was to get your neighbour to stop interfering and get out of their way.

OP, you say you don't want to intrude, but you want to know the details about this man. It's none of your business. Leave the family alone and they will leave you alone. Your children are not at risk from this man.

Yanbu at all. I think you should be extra vigilant when your kids are out alone.
This is because despite all the bashing you are getting here for not being sympathetic... enough, the fact is that you just do not know.

If no one will tell you anything then you don't want to find out the hard way that this person presents a danger.

The best, and kindest, thing to do would be to show some humanity to the mother in the house. I expect she's had a horrible, stressful time of it, and the busybody neighbours won't be helping anything. Leave her alone, and stop checking on her movements. It's weird.

You have no idea what happened, no idea of the history, and to be honest, the situation is extremely unlikely to cause harm to your children.

I can understand why you are worried but a few things strike me about this.

1. How very unprofessional of the emergency services to comment about the patient.

1. Your children are your responsibility and it is entirely up to you whether they go to the shops alone or not if you have objectively taken into account potential risks bearing in mind all the relevant facts known to you.

1. This poor man's mother. A mother like everyone else who is probably in despair. I hope at least one of her neighbours has visited with cake or wine or love to empathise with the awful position in which she finds herself.

3.1. This is MUMsnet. Is there no sympathy for a mother or a son who is vulnerable and disturbed and probably in absolute bits.

PAH. NOT GOOD really.