To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

[fiveacres]

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

Some women do have abortions with no guilt and feel pleased with their choice, and relief. I'm glad they have that option and that it works well for them.

BUt personally what actually upsets me is many pro choice people trying to push the narrative that abortion is completely inconsequential, a simple procedure, nothing to worry about at all and with no emotional repercussions.

Clearly that's just not true for many women. For some it is an easy decision and theyre fine but for those who are less certain it can be incredibly hard and emotionally take a huge toll. Even for those who are happy with their decision and have no regrets, the hormonal upheaval can make you feel a mess for a while.

When I had an abortion (with a v heavy heart, because I felt the circumstances for my child were far from ideal and I was trying to make a logical decision rather than following my emotions), I felt like no one understood me afterwards. Many who were vigorously Pro choice and in favour of abortion as a simple medical procedure with no fuss often just seemed to lack compassion and understanding about how Much sadness and grief I felt, and seemed to think I had to quickly get over it. Actually I felt I had suffered a significant loss and I feel close to tears writing this 2 years later. On the surface it looks like I made a good pragmatic decision and got on with my life - successful in my career and buying a property, neither of which would probably be the case if I had had my baby. So in a way I do feel satsified about my decision, but I also do feel a lot of regret and I think about that baby a lot and wonder what could have been.

I don't think we should push the idea that women can usually easily bounce right back (which was presented to me by bpas, marie stopes and many peoples these days including MN and elsewhere, when I was making my decision). It should be that you might be immediately relieved, you might feel quite down due to your hormones and feel yourself again in a week or so and get on, you might struggle emotionally and benefit from counselling, but there is no right or wrong reaction. I don't think that pushes the "myth" that women will feel guilty forever more - I think it's more balanced.

I terminated two pregnancies, once while at uni and then when I was 40. i have no regrets about the abortions. I made the choice that best fit my life at the time. Having said that, I sometimes will say to myself.."If had continued that pregnancy, I would have an X age child at this time.."

I've had two abortions.

The first was when I was 17 - I flirted a bit with the idea of having the baby but it was ridiculous really and whilst I did feel guilty afterwards tbh it was in a bit of a self indulgent woe is me manner that only 17 year olds can manage.

I then got a degree, did my masters, travelled the world, got married, held down a professional job had 4 DC and 20 years after the first I had another abortion. In all honesty I barely thought about it. I knew instantly I didn't want another baby and I've hardly thought about it since.

I posted too soon, I think every women's story about their abortion should be heard and honoured. Each of us is entitled to our own experiences and feelings regarding abortion. I am pro- choice and will fight to the bone to keep abortion legal. I just don't want to negate those poster's who have different experiences around abortion.

Agree the contraceptive failure rate is too high. 1 woman in 100 being forced into a decision she didn't want either way, is too many.

I think it's a good idea to talk about this, so here's my experience. I ummed and ahhed about posting it but others have been brave enough to do so I decided to stick my head above the parapet and join them. I hope it helps someone to read this.

I had an abortion 9 years ago (almost to the day, in fact). I already had a child at that point and knew quite categorically that I didn't want another baby.

It wasn't a pleasant experience but nor was it a bad one. I felt sad, but the sadness was not for the abortion but for being in that position in the first place - IYSWIM. I was treated kindly and respectfully throughout by everyone involved in my care. I was conscious throughout; ot was uncomfortable but not painful. Afterwards, my overwhelming feeling was one of relief.

I'm glad I had an abortion, because it was the right decision for me. I've had no regrets and has suffered no ill effects subseuqently.

Wondering willow, that's a good point re contraception effectiveness. Don't even get me started on those smart arses who will always pop up on anything abortion related to smugly say "if you don't want a baby you should have used a condom"

Well thanks genius, none of us thought to use contraception

Writer - no offence taken.

I had DC1 in early spring 2007, an abortion at 9 weeks in late autumn 2011, DC2 in spring 2014 and DC3 is due in August.

I got pregnant on Nuvaring which has a 92% effectiveness rate according to the BPAS website. The pack info says 98%

I had a thread at the time I was about to go and have mine and despite it being in my op that I had had the injection on the first day of my period did have a few posters jumping in with the "you should have used contraception" posts.

And I know the question was not directed to me but given that I hold the same views thought I would answer it as well.

I do support abortion at any gestation for any reason.Purely because my own opinion about it is that body autominy means just that. I think we are far to emotional about what other women do and not one of us should be able to have a stake in deciding what other women decide to do.

Why abortion specifically post 24 weeks rather than early induction?

I guess a woman who doesn't want the baby (past 24 weeks) doesn't opt for induction because she doesn't want to live her life knowing she may have a child 'out there somewhere' - assuming the baby survived such a premature birth and was then fostered/adopted.

I don't support abortion beyond 20 weeks for anything other than extreme medical reasons. However, I do support anyone else's right to their opinion on the matter. For me late abortion is abhorrent, for you it might be ok.
Could I get over a dd or close friend making such a choice? Probably not but that would be their choice.

I terminated a pregnancy. I was 100 percent sure of my decision. I was relieved afterwards.

The treatment I received from the on duty nurse however will stay with me forever. I was upset when I arrived on the ward (i was 8 weeks and 1 day which meant I had to be in hospital for the procedure) The nurse spoke to me like dirt, rolled her eyes and asked me if I was sure I wanted to do it even though I had already taken the first pill. No one checked on me for 6 hours, eventually the nurse appeared and told me I'd need to be examined as nothing was happening.

I was so relieved to leave the hospital that night knowing I had made the right decision for me.

I had a medical abortion somewhat recently. I don't feel guilty, yet, maybe it's too soon to tell and i haven't hit my due date yet. I went with the NHS and it took a total of 3 weeks between me referring myself and the actual abortion. I had to stay in hospital for the day, arriving at 8 am. Lovely nurses. I was on the ward in a bay of 4 but was the only one in the room which was a relief. I could hear other girls in different rooms, fortunately it seems my hospital put you alone until they needed you sharing a room due to space. I did get offered tea and toast actually but the medication had me on the brink of vomiting for about 5 hours so I declined. It was more painful than I thought and I'd definitely compare it more to early labour than just a bad period. I was home by 4pm and bled for about 10days.

It's something i never want to go through again and I'm very glad I had my fiancé there the whole time.
I've been pro choice since my teens however I did judge myself a lot in the days leading up to it but I'm at peace with it now I think. I don't dwell on it.

I'll also add that everything I "passed" was Into a card board bed pan and the nurses had to check every single one. Even if it was only what I felt to be a wee. They were also extremely insistent that I didn't look myself. It may be a cop out but I'm glad I listened to them.

Why abortion specifically post 24 weeks rather than early induction?

Because the entire point is that the woman does not end up with a living child

I had a termination. I've never forgiven myself for it even 14 years later. Its different for everyone.

My daughter, 17 years old at the time, fell pregnant and kept quiet about it all. I guessed and talked through the options. I must admit, I was more in favour of her having a termination but she came to that decision be herself.

I went along with her to the hospital and it took all of 6 hours from start to finish.

I had a surgical termination (due to getting sterilised at the same time) 15 years ago at 12 weeks due to me being in a DV relationship, and tbh, I felt relieved with it all and didn't 'feel' anything about it. However, being there through the whole process with my daughter was one of the hardest things I've ever done and even had a wee cry in the evening. My daughter really took it all in her stride, was relieved the pregnancy was over and had got her young life back.

Needs and writer - that's not the bodily autonomy argument though. The idea for bodily autonomy is that the foetus' right to life does not top the woman's right to choose not to be pregnant. However, post 24 weeks, the woman can choose not to be pregnant and the foetus can still have a right to life. What you are now suggesting goes beyond the idea that the woman has a right to choose not to be pregnant, it goes beyond bodily autonomy.

BUt personally what actually upsets me is many pro choice people trying to push the narrative that abortion is completely inconsequential, a simple procedure, nothing to worry about at all and with no emotional repercussions

Thats simply not true at all, NOBODY says that. What you're hearing is people pushing back against the narrative that they have to be guilty wrecks. You're vastly over-stating and I think you know that.

"the narrative that they have to be guilty wrecks."

But no one is saying that they have to be guilty wrecks.

I terminated a pregnancy at 14 weeks some 13 years ago and can honestly say it was the most traumatic thing to have happened to me and something I think about alot

There is an assumption, inherent in many presentations and discussions of abortion, that even if it is seen to be 'the right thing' it will nonetheless leave the woman scarred and guilty and ashamed.

This isn't true. I didn't feel guilty after mine, just relieved. Perversely, I felt guilty, then, for not feeling guilty!

None of this undermines or diminishes women who do feel this way and they should not take it as such.