To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

[fiveacres]

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

It might be sad, but given the small percentage of fathers who are the RP, the huge number of children put into foster care following their mothers deaths and the fact that he doesn't experience pregnancy and birth, I'm happy to just consider the mothers views on this.

"
I find it sad that just because a father does not carry the baby inside him, he has no say."

Yes that is sad. And unfair. But biologically, them's the breaks- there's nothing we can do about that.

Writer,

I actually don't object to abortion when it is to save the mother's life although I think every attempt should be made to save both. I do have children at home so that would influence me but I would try to get to a stage where it was possible to induce to give the baby a chance - no matter how small. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. Other people who identify as pro-life may think differently.

Penfold, re infanticide - I think that's the general point of that article isn't it? I must try to look it up again.

Somewhere - I find that very sad too.

I fully support the right of all fathers to decide to have a termination on any potential life they are personally gestating

Many things which are inevitable are also sad. Does not make them wrong.

Depends on what you consider 'inevitable' I guess.

I'm pretty sure "men can't get pregnant" counts as inevitable.

This is what I was referring to:

"just because a father does not carry the baby inside him, he has no say."

This is what I referring to: "just because a father does not carry the baby inside him, he has no say."

I sure as shit hope "men can't knock you up and then force you to act as a human incubator for nine months against your wishes" is inevitable too.

Well, that's how you see it. They may see it a bit differently seeing as the child/'potential' child is half theirs.

Well, that's how you see it. They may see it a bit differently seeing as the child/'potential' child is half theirs.

Are you a mid wife Bumbly?

No, why?

"Well, that's how you see it. They may see it a bit differently seeing as the child/'potential' child is half theirs."

I cannot imagine even considering having sex with someone who "sees it a bit differently". NOBODY gets to tell me that I am under some obligation to use my body to provide them with a child. NOBODY. Yes, I'm sure some men are very sad when a woman chooses not to go ahead with a pregnancy, it still doesn't give them any right to dictate what she does. Discuss it with her? Fine. Tell her what to do? No.

You might know men who think they have rights to use a womans body as they wish, I do not. And I wouldn't be too proud of that if I were you.

Sigh...

I wonder if there have been any cases where woman have gone through with the pregnancy (even though they don't want the baby themselves) and then simply handed the baby over to the father because he did want the child.

"I wonder if there have been any cases where woman have gone through with the pregnancy (even though they don't want the baby themselves) and then simply handed the baby over to the father because he did want the child."

I'd imagine it's extremely rare, though I'd be interested to know.

I suspect most cases of women carrying babies to term that they don't want but the father does are in abusive relationships.

"Actually, I don't think you can generalize that one either.

On all of my (much wanted) pregnancies I was excited because I had a potential life inside me and I looked forward to meeting my new child at the end of the process. The further along the pregnancy went the more "real" that future seemed and the more I felt like I was going to have a baby, but I really don't remember thinking that I had "a real baby inside" until I was quite far gone and being kicked in the ribs. And I definitely don't think I'd have that sense of excited potential and looking forward if the pregnancy wasn't wanted.

Oh, and I miscarried my second pregnancy at 12 weeks and while I was very sad because of that, I was sad because of that loss of potential, that imagined future, I in no way felt as distraught as I'd imagine I'd be if one of my already born children had died, or if I'd had a later stillbirth. I remember actually kind of beating myself up about how un-bereaved I felt, until I talked to other women who'd had miscarriages (both on here and in RL) and realized what a range of emotions women have around pregnancy loss, all valid."

Agreed. I also had a miscarriage at 12/13 weeks and it was very traumatic, huge loss of blood, ambulance the whole bit. Physically, it was far harder on me than my abortion - and mentally too.

I mourned the pregnancy but i didn't mourn it as I would a child. The loss of potential - yes. But as a child that I knew and loved? no.

But that's just me.

I can believe that. The reason my sister had a late termination behind her partners back was because she knew he'd make her keep it.

He coerced her into having their second child (unplanned pregnancy) and she didn't want to be back in that situation again.

FWIW, she was in a financial and abusive relationship.

Financial and emotionally abusive relationship I mean.

that makes sense Writer. flowers to you AND your sister.

It would imagine any relationship where a man was forcing a woman to have a baby against her will would have to be classed as abusive, no?

As for any woman who would actually argue for the rights of men over womens bodies, I don't think there are any words for that. None that wouldn't get me deleted anyway....