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To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

999 replies

fiveacres · 29/05/2015 18:17

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

OP posts:
Bilberry · 02/06/2015 20:42

It seems to me both sides can be entrenched. Myths about abortions fall on all sides and if you exclude those who have never had an abortion from the debate then are you really looking for a debate or just confirmation?

Think I'll go now.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 02/06/2015 21:23

Nobody wants to exclude anyone from the debate at all, we're just all sick of one person setting herself up as an expert and destroying every debate with nonsense, obfuscation, obvious agenda and outright lies.
It's about control, trying to control the debate, control the agenda, and control the lives and bodies of other women. Its misogyny. Its the bumbley show.....

bumbleymummy · 02/06/2015 21:39

jorah - that's really offensive. There are people out there who have survived attempted abortion. Their stories are not 'bollocks'.

"covered it in more myths and dismissal of those experiences"

Where? Seriously - where have I dismissed people's experiences on this thread? More lies?

"listening to the 'ickle baby' rhetoric"

More nonsense. You can't respond to the actual posts/questions so you make up nonsense. I have said nothing about 'ickle babies' as you are well aware. Shame that you can't make a point like an adult.

Bert, yeah, we got really far with that on the last thread didn't we? Three pages of you answering the wrong question. Good times.

"we're just all sick of one person setting herself up as an expert"

Nope, not claiming to be an expert. I just have opinions - just like you.

"nonsense, obfuscation, obvious agenda and outright lies. "

Actually that's coming from the pro-choicers on this thread - have a look at some of the examples above. Don't let the facts stand in the way of you making things up though.

I find it fascinating that you all get so defensive and start throwing around insults/false accusations when the difficult questions that you can't answer start being asked. Says a lot.

bumbleymummy · 02/06/2015 21:39

"Nobody wants to exclude anyone from the debate at all"

Except me apparently Grin

BertrandRussell · 02/06/2015 22:02

"Bert, yeah, we got really far with that on the last thread didn't we? Three pages of you answering the wrong question. Good times."

I answered your question. Multiple times. You just didn't like the answer.

bumbleymummy · 02/06/2015 22:04

See above - wrong question, multiple times.

lastuseraccount123 · 02/06/2015 22:07

thanks for trying, fiveacres. I for one am bloody tired of this being made a political issue over and over and over again...the black & white thinking ...etc. etc. it's so good to read about women's stories and see there is just so, so much grey, and there are so many responses to abortion that don't fit neatly into a political agenda. that is/what was so great about this thread.

so tired of abortion politics.

lastuseraccount123 · 02/06/2015 22:08

and I am frustrated that this thread has become a political debate instead of women sharing their stories of abortion. And I know I'm guilty of being part of that debate too.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 02/06/2015 22:18

You haven't asked any difficult questions. You're not interested in anyones answers. You're only concerned with your own rhetoric.
Nobody cares what you think, bumbley. Your method is just to keep droning on until no-one can stand to respond any more. Thats not debate, thats boring the opposition into silence.
Which I guess suits you, silent women. Gagged women. Take away the voices and choices of women.

Can't you let people have any space to talk about the issue without drowning it all in your anti-choice guff?

Writerwannabe83 · 02/06/2015 22:27

I've just returned to this thread after a few days away as the thread made me question myself a lot about the termination that I had and all the confused feelings I had around the circumstances and I just needed a breather.

I think I got so caught up in the thread that, like other posters said, I was projecting a lot of my own feelings onto others and misunderstanding the points that were being made and taking it to be some form of personal attack against me when it certainly wasn't.

I see things have taken a turn in terms of what is being debated and the 'is it a life?' discussion is going on.

My personal opinion is that as soon as the egg is fertilised a life has been created. Part of me wishes I didn't feel like that because then I might not hate myself for having had a termination. I'm not even remotely religious but I do find myself thinking to myself that if it turns out there is a God then I hope he can forgive me. It's a very irrational and strange thing to think seeing as I don't believe in a God but I think it just further demonstrates the guilt I feel and how it plays on my mind.

lastuseraccount123 · 02/06/2015 22:28

bumbley, have you ever had an abortion?

fiveacres · 02/06/2015 22:29

Writer

He would. But I think you need to forgive yourself.

I think if it was any other 16 year old you would.

Flowers
OP posts:
LucyBabs · 02/06/2015 22:30

Thank fuck Bumbly and her anti abortion friends are a small (but unfortunately vocal) minority who dislike women. The debate will rage on and Bumbly can continue to argue about non existent abortions after 24 weeks.

Meanwhile in the real world the pro choice movement are organising demonstrations and March's in Dublin throughout the summer. If you're on fb have a look for the abortion rights campaign and give it your support. Repel the 8th Smile

lastuseraccount123 · 02/06/2015 22:31

good to hear LucyBabs :)

Writerwannabe83 · 02/06/2015 22:35

fiveacres - the weird thing is that if another 16 year old had experienced what I had (in terms of the circumstances around my pregnancy and termination) then I would absolutely tell her to let it go, tell her not to punish herself, not to let it ruin her life etc - but for some reason I can't feel that way about myself.

fiveacres · 02/06/2015 22:40

Because we always judge ourselves harshly Writer.

You were very young my love and very, very vulnerable.

Can you try to forgive yourself? Flowers

OP posts:
BeenWondering · 02/06/2015 22:41

I've been following this thread with interest and at times have considered hiding it. There's a massive difference between offering an honest opinion and ramming your thoughts and ideologies onto others.

Writer I really wish I could give you a hug in RL and I hope this thread hasn't stirred up such negative feelings within you. Hate yourself no more for you did the best thing you could have done and made the only choice you could have done. Please don't torture yourself, and especially don't torture yourself because of judgement from internet warriors.

fiveacres · 02/06/2015 22:43

Woah I refute that.

My heart goes out to writer but I don't think one person has judged her, apart from herself.

OP posts:
flippinada · 02/06/2015 22:45

Writer, for you Thanks .

I think we are often are a lot harder on our ourselves than we are on others. Please be kind to yourself.

LucyBabs · 02/06/2015 22:48

Sorry writer I didn't see your post before I posted. You are absolutely entitled to feel that once an egg is fertilised that life begins the difference is you are not forcing other women to stay pregnant or feel guilty if they have an abortion.

I am truly sorry you had such an awful experience and are still living with the aftermath. You are not to blame, your parents forced the situation on you. What the hell were you supposed to do. You were a child and they treated you like you had no feelings or your own opinion.

I have heard stories about young girls being coerced and it's just bloody horrible. I wonder how someone can live with themselves when they do that to a young vulnerable person.

LucyBabs · 02/06/2015 22:49

been What judgment has writer had here on this thread? Confused

BeenWondering · 02/06/2015 23:03

lucy, five Not judgement directed towards her but the opinions of others that may cause her to feel judged. Anyway, I'm gonna hide the thread.

Writer please be kind to yourself. As flip says we are often a lot harder on ourselves than we are on others. Take care and know many have been where you were and many will be. That doesn't make it better but it doesn't have to define you, it doesn't have to be a weight on your shoulders.

LucyBabs · 02/06/2015 23:06

Yes maybe you should hide the thread been because you clearly wrote "judgement from internet warriors"

fiveacres · 02/06/2015 23:07

It was that which made me cross as well.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 02/06/2015 23:24

Made me cross too. And I hate the "I'm hiding the thread" thing.

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