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To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

999 replies

fiveacres · 29/05/2015 18:17

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 02/06/2015 18:50

Bumbleymummy- can you guarantee that my 24 weeker will be adopted into a loving family while in paediatric ICU?

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 02/06/2015 18:52

That's not a lie bumbley. If you need reminding I can link to the thread in question.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 02/06/2015 18:57

*threads, actually

Meerka · 02/06/2015 18:59

bumbley nothing is going to change your views and I find the approach you choose to take dishonest.

betrand, who says she believes the cut off line for termination should be 0 weeks, has argued with integrity and addressed the genuinely difficult issues instead of carefully not answering them.

This thread has been brilliant for showing the reality that there is such a wide range of reaction to a termination. It's been enlightening. OP, thanks for starting it.

flippinada · 02/06/2015 19:02

George that rings a bell - I'm sure I remember the thread you're referring to.

BertrandRussell · 02/06/2015 19:06

betrand, who says she believes the cut off line for termination should be 0 weeks, has argued with integrity and addressed the genuinely difficult issues instead of carefully not answering them"

Sorry- I must have expressed myself badly- that is my belief "for me". I am completely pro choice for everyone else!!!

Meerka · 02/06/2015 19:08

Yes, understood, I miswrote it. Sorry.

bumbleymummy · 02/06/2015 19:08

Bert, I can guarantee that it has a better chance of getting a loving family and a decent life than if you abort it.

Do what you like George. I have engaged with her several times on different threads and any time I have expressed reluctance to give my opinion given her situation she has encouraged me to do so and insisted that she was not upset/offended by it.

Meerka, is anything going to change your views? Are we all only sharing our opinions because we think it's going to change someone's mind?

Bert said she supports abortion to term for any reason. I think you're a bit confused if you think she is pro-life. Or if you think she answered any difficult questions for that matter. She dodges questions like crazy - on this thread and the other one. Confused

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 02/06/2015 19:13

Do what you like George. I have engaged with her several times on different threads and any time I have expressed reluctance to give my opinion given her situation she has encouraged me to do so and insisted that she was not upset/offended by it.

Now that's a lie right there. It's very hard to have any respect for your posts, bumbley, when you lie, obfuscate, say one thing on one thread and another on another, and mistakenly believe that people won't remember. You see, with such extreme opinions that you have on a variety of topics and with such a distinctive posting style, you're rather memorable, unfortunately.

bumbleymummy · 02/06/2015 19:14

No, George. It's not a lie. I also offered to answer her via PM so that it wasn't a big mud slinging session but she wanted to do it on the thread.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 02/06/2015 19:15

She is a grown woman if she found it 'disturbing' she could hide the thread.

And just to add - that is precisely the kind of callousness that I am talking about.

Meerka · 02/06/2015 19:17

Actually Im really not quite sure where I stand on some abortion issues. All I can say for sure is that if there had been a chance of me getting pregnant again after the last baby, I'd have had to terminate. Came close to going out twice last time and our older son has been affected by it. A third pregnancy would also have a chance of being potentially unsurvivable.

I find it highly irresponsible to get pregnant when you know that is a small-but-real chance you might not survive and that certainly, whether or not you died, that your son(s) would be badly affected.

So in that situation had we had another double-contraception failure and I got pregnant I would have had to have an abortion ... with a very great deal of regret. My personal feelings, and it's only personal, is that I really would regret it. But the needs of the children born and my own wish to survive outweigh would weigh heaviest in the scales.

That's just me though. I don't think I have the right to dictate to other people how they should handle this matter.

I also simply do not know about the idea of abortion after reasonable viability, whenever you consider that to be. At a gut level I don't like it, but neither do I like forcing someone to continue a preg and childbirth, plus I think it's a terrible thing to be born unwanted. Adoption isn't the answer to everything.

I find that due to the way a lot of 'pro-life' people choose to speak, that their viewpoint is offputting.

Emotional manipulation is disgusting.

bumbleymummy · 02/06/2015 19:23

That's not callous George that's a fact. I bet there are people hiding this thread because they find it disturbing. It was a debate thread - not a support thread - and both sides of the abortion argument were obviously going to be given. If you find that upsetting because of personal experience you don't have to read it nor do you have to engage with people whose opinions you find disturbing. If every debate on MN was stopped because it might upset someone there would be very little debate.

Meerka · 02/06/2015 19:24

I find it highly irresponsible to get pregnant

EEEERRR. talk about a slip of the tongue ... I meant highly irresponsible to -carry on- a preg where there is a foreseeable chance of death and you have previous responsibilities.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/06/2015 19:37

Bert, I can guarantee that it has a better chance of getting a loving family and a decent life than if you abort it

If you hadn't realised when you have a successful TOP then a baby is not born alive. This means it does not need a loving family

Bilberry · 02/06/2015 20:09

Mistreatment of children or poor palliative care are seperate arguments which should be solved by abortion or euthanasia.

jorahmormont · 02/06/2015 20:14

Just read some 'abortion survivor' stories. What absolute, utter bollocks those stories are. Whining that they wouldn't be jealous of their little brother if their mum hadn't aborted their older sibling (yes you would; that's part of having a younger sibling/being a general arsey teenager), and another one where she felt very hurt and betrayed because her aunt had an abortion.

Absolute bollocks.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 02/06/2015 20:18

I think we should give bumbley a round of applause actually. Yet again she's managed to take over a thread: this one trying to dispel myths and talk about peoples experience, and covered it in more myths and dismissal of those experiences.
As we know, bumbley has no experience in this area, yet still considers herself enough of an expert to hijack the entire thread to talk about non-existent late term abortions, and to shout her antic-choice rhetoric yet again. It's impressive in its irritating way.
It's descended into the bumbley show, currently pontificating on the "what about all the poor little babies" topic. Good show

lastuseraccount123 · 02/06/2015 20:19

Oh, I agree. But if we all stopped responding to her and carried on the conversation, it would cease to be the bumbley show and would just be bumbley shouting into the wind...

lastuseraccount123 · 02/06/2015 20:20

"CAN ANYBODY HEAAAAR ME? IT'S A LIFE IT'S A LIFE IT'S A LIFE" etc etc

lastuseraccount123 · 02/06/2015 20:21

anybody else have an abortion story they'd like to share?

found this website of Kiwi women sharing their stories:

abortionnz.tumblr.com/

jorahmormont · 02/06/2015 20:22

Every thread about abortion becomes "The Bumbley Show", as reasonable debate gets lost and inevitably everyone leaves until it's just bumbley, convinced that everyone is listening to the 'ickle baby' rhetoric.

BertrandRussell · 02/06/2015 20:27

". Or if you think she answered any difficult questions for that matter. She dodges questions like crazy - on this thread and the other one. " I will answer any question you ask. You just don't like the answers. But happy to have another go.

lastuseraccount123 · 02/06/2015 20:29

IT'S A LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

you're welcome

Meerka · 02/06/2015 20:33

never mind the rights or wrongs of the debate, I suspect jorah is right. A shame.

I'll bow out now but again, OP, thanks. This thread was enlightening (at least until the last few pages and even then there were some ideas to mull over)

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