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To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

999 replies

fiveacres · 29/05/2015 18:17

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 01/06/2015 16:41

Not the same as saying 'forced pregnancy' or 'forced birth' as you seem to know.

Birth does occur if no action is taken. It's a natural consequence of pregnancy if a miscarriage does not occur. What you are doing is opposing the active (or 'forced' if you like) ending of a pregnancy.

bumbleymummy · 01/06/2015 16:42

Actually if you want to be accurate you could use anti-abortion but I don't think improved accuracy is your motivation really.

bumbleymummy · 01/06/2015 16:45

Pro-choice isn't exactly accurate for most people either. Most people don't support a woman's right to choose for any reason at any point of pregnancy. There is a spectrum. I always wondered why people objected to 'pro-abortion' or 'pro-abortion-law' if they specifically support the law irt abortion.

PomeralLights · 01/06/2015 16:46

But by stopping a woman terminating you are forcing her.

If no action is taken by you a termination may well result, you would never know because quite rightly it would be none of your business.

lastuseraccount123 · 01/06/2015 16:54

it's a matter of emphasis. pro-life puts the emphasis on the alleged life of the fetus over the woman's body. forced birth puts the emphasis on the women whose bodies are used by the fetuses (fetii?) over the alleged life of the fetus.

that's really the crux of the matter isn't it? pro-forced birthers really think fetii matter more than women's bodily autonomy and pro-abortioners think women's bodily autonomy matters more than fetii, cell blobs, whatever

bumbleymummy · 01/06/2015 16:55

No, you're actually stopping a forceful ending of a pregnancy. So if you want to be 'accurate' like flip, you could just stick to anti-abortion.

lastuseraccount123 · 01/06/2015 16:56

so, y'know, at least be honest bumble and admit you're for forced pregnancy and birth against a woman's will.

bumbleymummy · 01/06/2015 16:58

Cell blobs? Hmm what stage is that?

Pro-life people think the foetus has a right to life. Pro-abortion people think a woman's right to choose an abortion (usually in certain circumstances) is more important than the foetus' right to life.

flippinada · 01/06/2015 16:59

Yes, that interpretation makes sense lastuseraccount.

lastuseraccount123 · 01/06/2015 17:02

and the logical inference of "pro-life people think the fetus has a right to life" is ...forcing women to give birth to children they dont' want by making it so she can't take action to end the pregnancy. i,e. forced birth, forced pregnancy.

ding ding we have a winner.

bumbleymummy · 01/06/2015 17:02

No, I'm anti abortion/pro-life. Force comes into neither.

bumbleymummy · 01/06/2015 17:02

Unlike abortion

lastuseraccount123 · 01/06/2015 17:03

ha, you funny.

lastuseraccount123 · 01/06/2015 17:05

anyway, anyone got more stories to share?

bumbleymummy · 01/06/2015 17:06

Not really flip but as I said, I don't think you're actually looking for sense/accuracy. You just don't like 'pro-life' I guess because it draws attention to abortion being anti-life.

bumbleymummy · 01/06/2015 17:09

Sure, I have one. My cousin has suffered from depression since she had an abortion over 30 years ago. It ruined her relationship, she never married or had children, has attempted suicide a few times and spends every year 'celebrating' what would have been the birthday of her child. But that's not the type of story you want to hear is it?

fiveacres · 01/06/2015 17:11

Its a valid story. An unusual one, but valid.

OP posts:
flippinada · 01/06/2015 17:12

I've been re-reading some posts and one struck me, where it refers to abortion being 'sanitised' and infers that people are protected from what it's really like.

That wasn't my experience at all, it was (without going into detail that people may find upsetting) very visceral. I was awake throughout and saw and felt exactly what went on.

I do think how you are treated by the HCPs involved in your care has a significant impact. Several posters have described some awful experiences. As I mentioned upthread, I was treated all the way through with what I would describe as 'professional kindness' and I do think that had a impact.

lastuseraccount123 · 01/06/2015 17:14

agree, it's a valid story. has she ever had professional help? counselling etc?

bumbleymummy · 01/06/2015 17:14

"Unusual" Really? Unusual for people to feel depressed and regret their abortion? Based on what? This thread?

lastuseraccount123 · 01/06/2015 17:16

bumble we don't like "pro-life' because it ignores the woman, her body and her free will to do with her body as she wants. from my POV, pro-forced-birth is more accurate. you can call youself whatever you want and that's fair, but to me, your viewpoint is that of a pro-forced-birther.

flippinada · 01/06/2015 17:16

Bumbley your poor cousin, that sounds like a horrendous experience. I hope she is being treated with kindness and getting some help and support.

fiveacres · 01/06/2015 17:17

No, not the thread Smile

It's quite hard to find statistics that don't have an agenda, but I think 'depressed and regretting an abortion' and the rather more extreme behaviour you describe are different for one thing. I mean - pregnancy makes me suicidal, actually, but that hardly means no one should become pregnant!

OP posts:
lastuseraccount123 · 01/06/2015 17:19

ok, I have a story. I have a couple actually.

married friend had an abortion because she had just got back into her career after having her second and did not want her third. no regrets.

my cousin had an abortion due to her boyfriend being an abusive asshole. he once dragged her out of a party by her hair. no regrets. she's gone on to have a great career, a happy relationship and is now expectig her second baby.

bumbleymummy · 01/06/2015 17:23

Yes, she's had counselling. It clearly hasn't helped enough though. It's so sad and has (obviously) had a huge impact on the family. Her mother is quite old now and is still worrying about her daughter. :(

Well equally you could say 'pro-choice' is ignoring the right to life of the foetus.