To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

[fiveacres]

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

I am neither pro life/forced birth/anti abortion nor pro choice/abortion -

I found it very hard to reconcile my own thoughts when my sister had an abortion despite my BIL desperately wanting the baby - sister's body, but his potential baby too. My pro-choice stance was weakened...

Hard choices sometimes need to be made where no one "wins"

It is. Because I don't beIieve the foetus has a 'right to life.' You do - not an issue. We are all different.

It is an issue, to me, when people are hypocrites about it 'it's ok when the woman is raped but otherwise she should be made to give birth as she shouldn't have had sex!' or when they say things that are untrue to frighten and intimidate women.

It's fine to just say 'I don't think I agree with that.'

Because they key words are 'I'.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope she can find a measure of peace.

Ok then, it's ignoring that there's another life involved - another body- another human entity.

My best friend had an abortion when we were teenagers. Her parents pretty much forced her into it and she deeply regetted it at the time. The irony was she fell pregnant again the followng year and kept the baby as she found at later in the pregnancy and concealed it from her parents. She has a lovely life now with a hubby and more children and doesn't regret her choice back then though at the time it was awful. Thing is she wouldn't have her daughter if she hadn't terminated iyswim and that's how she looks at it. Another friend terminated and regretted it hugely, very damaged by it, but I believe those feelings faded when she fell pregnant a couple of years later happily married.

I used to be anti-abortion but tbh now I'm a mum I can understand what a huge undertaking it is and how awful it would be to have that at the wrong time. Whilst I would never recommend anyone have one, equally I find all the stuff on FB making women who terminate into monsters really unnecessary. It's never an easy decision to make even if it's the right one. DH had one with a brief fling a few years before we met and he was a MESS about it for a long time. He felt shit about it. The irony being years of fertility issues for us....that stung and still does at times as we have not conceuved in all that time. Our children are adopted and amazing and I am so glad we have them, but the fact he got someone else pregnant in a moment of stupidity and has never managed to do that with me in 9 years....yep, it stings.

He did do the 'right' thing back then and stood by the woman in question, she wanted it and he supported her and went with her. I'm not sure our marriage woukd have survived had he had a baby with someone else from a brief fling and we were trying to conceive all those years.

I'm pro choice but I didnt use to be.

Women really are a feckless bunch aren't they ? All this running around casually having sex without contraception and then terminating pregnancies equally casually.

Maybe part of the reason for the contraception failures are down to the number of young women pressurised into having unplanned and unprotected sex.

Maybe part of the reason is that young women are apprehensive about asking for contraception because they still fear, even today, that they will be judged as sluts.

Maybe part of the reason is because women are able to see what lies ahead when the father is nowhere to be seen and there is no financial or emotional support.

Maybe, just maybe, there are a whole complex set of reasons why women aren't able or willing to access contraception or to continue with a pregnancy.

I spent years feeling guilty and traumatised - not because I actually was - but because I would apparently have to be some sort of monster to be able to terminate without any guilt. That's the message that society has been sending to women. You can have an abortion but you better feel bad about it. And you can have one, but really, what sort of woman has more than one ? Women ARE expected to feel ashamed and guilty and to be traumatised. This needs to stop.

So, no OP, YANBU because anything that gets across the message that lives are messy and complicated and we each deal with it the best we can, is an important one.

It isn't ignoring it, it's seeing it differently, which is fine, as I've said.

Well then the term 'pro-life' should just be considered 'seeing things differently' as well.

Both those things are true - I have a strong opinion and I have had my opinion changed by experience. I don't see how that is a criticism/bad thing (which is what you seem to be framing it as unless I'm misreading your post? Correct me if I'm wrong)

Knit, I'm sorry if it felt that way, it wasn't my intent. I was commenting on the fact that you said your opinions were seperate from your stance on choice, but you also said that your opinions had changed that stance. And you do seem to have quite strong opinions about the people you were talking about. I was just mildly questioning whether or not you felt your opinions were not entirely personal to you, but something that should apply to others?

And yes, you could criticise my personal opinions all you like, I don;t mind at all, but I don't believe I've actually given any? My stance has always been that my own personal opinions and morals are irrelevant to anyone else so I don't proffer them.

It isn't about terms, bumbley. Your role here seems to be to state that those of us who terminated a pregnancy were wrong. That's fine and you are entitled to that view.

What isn't fine is when anyone tells untruths, wildly exaggerates or lies to get others to support this view.

Abortion, for me, was straightforward and the right decision. And I'd do it again.

bumbleymummy Mon 01-Jun-15 17:36:18
Ok then, it's ignoring that there's another life involved - another body- another human entity.

Thats just another personal opinion. It's yours, and fine for you. Don't present it as an objective fact, because it isn't one.

pomeral

HG is the pregnancy related illness that was the reason for my TOP a previous pregnancy resulted in me being in a coma.

And for what it's worth when I had mine I did see the scan beforehand because I asked to.

And it was a very simple procedure

And just because somebody is sad about a course of action and feels regret does not mean that it was the wrong decision.

And having an unwanted baby is also likely to lead to sadness and regret too.

"Your role here seems to be to state that those of us who terminated a pregnancy were wrong.

Where exactly have I stated that?

I was replying to this"

"bumble we don't like "pro-life' because it ignores the woman, her body and her free will to do with her body as she wants. "

That's not a personal opinion Winter.

yes, it is.

Of course it is..how could it possibly be anything else? People have been debating where life begins for a millenia, and nobody has come to an agreed conclusion yet. You're not seriously suggesting that you've managed it all by yourself and you know best, are you?

You can try to argue that it's not a 'life' although very few scientists try to suggest that 'life' starts at birth (which point?). Are you arguing that the foetus doesn't have a body? Are you arguing that it isn't human?

yes, that's what I'm arguing, can't speak for winter though.

I don't need to argue with you. I can give you my own opinion if you like, but please don't pretend you are in more of a position than I am to give some sort of objective fact.

My opinion is that it is a potential life, and a potential human. And at some point yes it has a body (what point though, before or after it has all the recognisable parts?) it can't use its own body to survive, instead needing another body to do all of the important bits, so I don't consider that to be alive, no.

It's just opinion, mine, yours, anyones. Legally it isn't a human person until after birth.

So you only support termination until the foetus is capable of surviving outside the mother?

When do you think 'potential life' ends and actual 'life' begins?

last - to be clear, you're arguing that it isn't human?

I had an abortion (surgical just before 12 weeks) 16 years ago (age 29) I was on the pill at the time - pregnancy was the result of a short fling which was over before I even realised I was pregnant and whilst I still saw ex around town didn't think he needed to know about it. No regrets - don't even think about it really.

Had a miscarriage with my first planned pregnancy at 8 weeks and found that really hard (much worse than planned abortion),

I think winter is saying that legally it isn't recognised as a person until it's born.

Just in case anyone is in any doubt, bumbleymummy does not think abortion should be allowed under any circumstances (including rape) or at any gestation unless there is a direct risk to the mother's life.