To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

[fiveacres]

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

Knit- I am absolutely sure that anyone reading your account of a woman not using any contraception and having repeated abortions because she doesn't like condoms would be a little ......surprised.... to discover that she had had 2.

On the morality point, I agree with people who say that ones own personal morality can cause you to take a very different course from that you consider appropriate for public policy. It is a very important distinction to make.

Selective reading there. One had 3+

Your experience is surely just that, your experience. I terminated a pregnancy that was the result of a rape. My experience was fucking awful. So y'know. Swings and roundabouts.

bertrand - Not everyone ovulates every month and even then you only have about a 25% chance per month of conception.

And of course not everyone has sex every month!

Monk

I haven't claimed otherwise.

Anyway, the point is that this is a woman who has had two abortions in three and a half years (and one child) because she doesn't want to use contraception. I think that is wrong.

As an example - I also think cheating on your partner is wrong but I don't think it should be ILLEGAL, obviously!

Policy decisions and personal morality are different things - thank God.

Absolutly. You have, of course, a perfect right to think it's wrong. But it's not objectively wrong. That's the difference between private morality and public policy. If I did it I would think it was wrong too, because it would go against my personal moral compass. But I have no right to impose my personal morality on other people.

I think we're in agreement there

Anyway, the point is that this is a woman who has had two abortions in three and a half years (and one child) because she doesn't want to use contraception. I think that is wrong.

Well, Ok. It's wrong to and for you. But, and with the greatest of respect, so what? I guess I just get tired of listening to other peoples opinions on what others do (I should probably leave MN then?!). I know you're agreeing that your personal opinion doesn't affect your pro-choice stance and I appreciate that, but you do seems quite voluble on this opinion and you admit it has lessened the strength of your pro-choice opinion.

I'm sorry if this is the wrong thread for this post.

Pretty much from meeting DH we talked about wanting children. Two. We got pregnant not long after marriage and the pregnancy was so wanted. So, so wanted.

I suffered from hyperemesis. I developed AND. I hated myself and my body. I felt invaded by an alien. I suffered a lot with various pains towards the end of my pregnancy including horrific rib pain that made it hard to breathe.

I had a wonderful, smooth water birth.

I wanted to breastfeed. It was agony. I struggled through screaming in pain. Dd was a Velcro baby - would only sleep on us. We spent the first two months of her life with chronic sleep deprivation. I developed PND, my husband depression. I often fantasised about death as being 'the ultimate sleep'.

Through all this we loved our baby but fuck it was hard. So hard and such a shock. She is now 6months but the idea of ANYBODY being allowed to force ANYBODY else to go through my pregnancy - and then potentially feel they 'ought' to keep the baby, now it here - makes me sick.

I am 100% pro choice. My DH was always a bit ambivalent and any discussion was always dominated by 'best just not to get in that situation'.

I asked him last week if his view on abortion has changed. He looked me straight in the eye and said 'it should always be freely available whenever asked for'. Not delicate hand-wringing about being irresponsible or being 'in that situation'. Because he knows now. Dear God do we both know that all three of our family would probably be dead if dd had been a result of being forced to have a baby rather than the loved and adored child she is.

We will not be having another child and if our doubled up contraception does chance to fail we will be getting an abortion.

I can really, really empathise with that post Pomeral.

Pregnancy - I hate it. Hate it.

Pomeral what you wrote resonates very much with me .

My DS was much wanted and much loved but I struggled with severe PND,which was exacerbated by being in an EA relationship. It was just such a horrendous experience I struggle to find the words to describe it. I honestly felt like I was in the depths of hell.

Having been through that I knew there was no way I could through that again, and that's why I had an abortion.

I guess I just get tired of listening to other peoples opinions on what others do

Don't we all? But this is a discussion thread so it comes with the territory (as long as the opinions are given respectfully) I'm not claiming my opinion is the 'correct' one across the board - I'm just contributing to a thread. I could just as easily say 'so what?' to your opinions - but that's not really the point of a discussion is it?

you do seems quite voluble on this opinion and you admit it has lessened the strength of your pro-choice opinion.

Both those things are true - I have a strong opinion and I have had my opinion changed by experience. I don't see how that is a criticism/bad thing (which is what you seem to be framing it as unless I'm misreading your post? Correct me if I'm wrong)

It's why I now refuse to use the term pro-life and use 'forced pregnancy advocates' instead.

Because that is the alternative. A forced pregnancy and a forced birth. You cannot divorce the adoption debate from the very real harm pregnancy and birth can do to a woman. Which is why the UK law (continuing the pregnancy must be more of a health risk than the abortion) equals freely available abortion. Because pregnancy and birth carry horrendous health risks that far outweigh the risks of a legal abortion.

ah, the old 'women will use abortions as contraception" thing THE HORROR. I'm not denying that (very small number ) some women may use abortion that way, but seriously, so what.

I do have a bit of a problem with this tbh. People say it shouldn't be a BIG THING and should be normalised by society. It is just a little procedure and to say otherwise is to perpetuate a myth. But people also say they wouldn't want to see the scan, and some had the awfulness of giving birth to their early foetus. I can't tally these too things. If it is such a normal guilt-free activity then why should seeing the scan/foetus make things harder? While I wouldn't want to restrict access to early abortions, I think the fact that abortions end little lives means it shouldn't be 'normalised'. The need for one should always be recognised as a failure (of contraception, self control, education etc.). I do disagree with abortions after 16 weeks or so.

lastuseraccount123 because it's a life, as far as I'm concerned, and the ending of a life, while sometimes the right course of action, should not be reduced to 'so what?' But if you see it that way, fair enough.

You're entitled to your view and I'm entitled to mine and fortunately we live in a country where we can exercise both options as we see fit.

'Adoption debate' should of course read 'abortion debate'. Although the idea 'just have it and give it up for adoption' also equals to forced pregnancy and birth which is wrong IMO.

Or you could use 'anti-abortion' seeing as people who identify as pro-life don't actually force people to become pregnant nor do they force them to give birth.

No one uses abortion as contraception because it isn't contraception. Some may use it instead of contraception.

Winter, from your post earlier

"if people and life weren't complicated that would be a good answer."

We are talking about people refusing to use contraception here because they 'can't be bothered'. Saying that using contraception would reduce their need of ever actually needing an abortion is that simple.

So you are not the one who got pregnant / got the woman pregnant so you don't have any responsibility towards her pregnancy/birth.

Yet you feel you are entitled, in your 'nothing to do with me' state, to say she should not be allowed to terminate the pregnancy.

IMO once you step in and say 'no termination' from that point yes the pregnancy is partly your responsibility as is the resulting birth. Because they would not have occurred without your actions.

You cannot say both that the pregnancy is nothing to do with you but also that you get a say in it? Either it's your business or it isn't, surely.

And I think it isn't.

I agree the terms 'forced pregnancy' and 'forced birth' are more accurate; whereas 'pro-life' sounds much nicer and fluffier. I imagine that's why it's used.