Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU with DH

52 replies

rebbles · 29/05/2015 09:01

Yesterday DH went out all day and said he would be home at 7pm.

I haven't been feeling well and am 16+5 weeks pregnant.

I stupidly text saying enjoy yourself and stay out a bit later if you want and he said he would be home at
11pminstead, which would have been fine.

So queue 11pm, I called him to see if he wants me to pick him up from the station and he didn't answer his phone.

So naturally I panic as keep calling him. Anyway it took 15 calls before he answered and he was pissed out of his head still in London.

He said well I have had a few more beers since then and ends up getting home at 1pm.

He didn't text me once during the day (from 11am) to see how I was feeling and didn't see why I was annoyed when he got home and hadn't told me he was going to be late.

And then fact he didn't even care enough to text me once during the day, and that he didn't answer his phone.

To be fair he rarely goes out with his friends but this really annoyed me- AIBU?

OP posts:

CMOTDibbler · 29/05/2015 09:04

YABU - he was out with friends, you told him to stay out later. Unless you were seriously unwell, I wouldn't expect someone on a rare day out to be texting.

mrschatty · 29/05/2015 09:05

Sadly I need to say yabu
You told him to stay out longer- he suggested 11- then continued to have a good time...
If he's anything like my DH- then texting Is the last thing on his mind when he's letting loose with the lads...
Like you say he doesn't get out much...he's going to get out a lot less in 24weeks+ so cut him dome slack!

Zippidydoodah · 29/05/2015 09:05

I'm sorry but I think yab a little u, as you told him to stay out longer. Yes, he definitely should have let you know he was going to be late but you did evebtually get hold of him so you knew he wasn't in a ditch somewhere.

Did you mean 1 am, by the way? Because if it was 1 pm the next day, I'll change my mind!!

mrschatty · 29/05/2015 09:06

**some slack

MamaLazarou · 29/05/2015 09:06

Sorry but YAB a bit U. Calling him 15 timea seems a bit excessive!

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/05/2015 09:08

Yabu and calling him 15 times when you know he is with friends seems a little excessive.

wigglesrock · 29/05/2015 09:09

I think YABU, you called him 15 times, if my husband called me 15 times when I was out I would be so angry at him. He's a grown up if he didn't let you know he would like picked up at 11pm then he's old enough to get his own way home.

FarFromAnyRoad · 29/05/2015 09:10

15 times? - really? Why? What did you think had happened to him? I'm guessing you're of the generation that didn't know life before mobile phones>?

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 29/05/2015 09:11

I don't think yabu. Pregnant or just feeling ill in general warrants at least one 'check up' text. Taking liberties with staying out until 1am is rude when 11pm was agreed, but I'd be fuming if my partner hadn't even bothered to inform me he was out even later. A text takes seconds to write, he was being inconsiderate.

Dieu · 29/05/2015 09:11

YABU

ArtDecoGirly · 29/05/2015 09:14

I don't think YABU if he said he'd be home at 7pm then 11pm then didn't turn up until 1pm the next afternoon. Not at all.

MrsTedCrilly · 29/05/2015 09:15

YABU but you are pregnant so you can blame the hormones! 15 times is excessive, you knew he was with his friends drinking.. It sounds like you were waiting around for him when you should just be getting on with your night, getting ready for bed etc.

pictish · 29/05/2015 09:16

Yabu. You told him to have a good time and stay out later...which he did.

1Morewineplease · 29/05/2015 09:18

And were you standing there in the hallway with crossed arms clutching a rolling pin when he stumbled through the door?
I'm with FarFrom!

viva100 · 29/05/2015 09:19

YABU. You're really overreacting. You told him to stay late and have fun so he did.

Shodan · 29/05/2015 09:20

15 times was definitely excessive, but I would also have expected a text or call to say he was going to be later than 11pm- just so you could go to bed with an easy mind. DH would understand if I was put out by that and would apologise.

A text during the day- it would have been nice, but I don't think my DH would necessarily think to do it. I'd probably have been fine with that if it weren't for him coming home later than planned without a text/call, so I can understand why you were cross about it, tbh.

WilburIsSomePig · 29/05/2015 09:20

YABU. Would you normally feel like this if you weren't pregnant. If not, you can probably put it down to hormones, if so, perhaps you need to treat him a bit more like an adult (I don't mean that harshly). He's a grown man, surely you don't mind him having a good time with his friends? 15 calls is totally over the top and you must have totally stressed yourself out.

londonrach · 29/05/2015 09:20

Yabu as he did what you said. 15 times is alot. Is it 1am or 1pm. If 1pm yanbu if 1am yabu. However your pregnant so allowed to be unreasonable x

viva100 · 29/05/2015 09:20

Wait. He got home the next day at 1PM??? Or just 1 AM?! That makes a massive difference!

OhEmGeee · 29/05/2015 09:21

1pm the next day? Or is that a typo?

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 29/05/2015 09:22

The op told him to have a good time, therefore he didn't have to text her once to ask if she was feeling better, or to say he had no intention if being home by 11pm? I don't think ringing him 15 times was Ok either, but again, I do think he was being inconsiderate.

Original poster

rebbles · 29/05/2015 09:24

Sorry that is a typo he got home at 1am. I feel bad now. I am glad I asked you lot.

OP posts:

whooshbangprettycolours · 29/05/2015 09:24

YABU, I get where you are coming from, but you basically said one thing:
go out have a good time

and meant another: within my set limits and within my control.

Why do you get to say what time you consider reasonable unless he was expecting you to stay up and welcome him home?

If I was 'told' to be home by a certain time by my DH I think I'd tell him to swing.

I used to feel like this when I was first with my DH but began to realise I didn't want him controlling me like the fun police so I needed to do the same with him.

However you are pregnant so you can do what you want

Remember you may welcome a good unrestricted night out away from motherhood very soon!

foxinsocks · 29/05/2015 09:32

I can see how it looks obsessive but for me, I HATE it when people say they will be somewhere at x time and don't text or call to say they are late

it is, for me, a manners and consideration thing. I am never late anywhere to meet someone (even if it is coming home to someone) without letting them know. It may be because I spent years in South Africa (where it was a safety issue, if you didn't turn up somewhere, people would worry because of the crime!).

if he rarely goes out and was obviously enjoying himself, then it wasn't because he didn't care, he just got carried away and he's clearly not the type of person who worries about being late etc.! There are definitely people who don't like to be late and people who aren't particularly bothered!

like Shodan said, just a text to say, having a good time, hope you're ok, I'm going to be later than 11 would have meant you could have gone to sleep and not worried!

shattered77 · 29/05/2015 09:35

YANBU. I don't care what time you get in (usually), but you must be contactable. Especially being pregnant. I would also expect a general text during the day, even just a blah blah, hope you're ok...

Flip

1 2 3