AIBU to go to work collegues leaving do

[booboo57]

When I have just been signed off with stress due to impending redundancy. Really close colleague but i can't go can I?
Be gentle with me first post ever.

Another one saying I wouldn't...

I think it would cause ill feeling and might add to your stress. Not saying that's right, but just that I wouldn't.

I'm signed off at the moment and not going to leaving drinks next week.

angelo - different people have different reactions to stress and different tolerance levels for stress. Just because you coped okay doesn't mean everyone else can.

We're having redundancies at my work now, and these will impact my team.

Me, I'm not too stressed. We can survive on DH's wage, and juggling work and kids has been tough, so some time out to focus on family might be nice for a bit.

My colleague Gary on the other hand... If he's out of work, his mortgage won't get paid as his DW's wages won't cover it. His dad died a few months ago. His small DD has some ongoing health problems. He's understandably getting very wound up about the redundancies, is fretting a lot, and seems far more stressed than me. Because he's a different person with different problems and different reactions.

angelo - different people have different reactions to stress and different tolerance levels for stress. Just because you coped okay doesn't mean everyone else can.

We're having redundancies at my work now, and these will impact my team.

Me, I'm not too stressed. We can survive on DH's wage, and juggling work and kids has been tough, so some time out to focus on family might be nice for a bit.

My colleague Gary on the other hand... If he's out of work, his mortgage won't get paid as his DW's wages won't cover it. His dad died a few months ago. His small DD has some ongoing health problems. He's understandably getting very wound up about the redundancies, is fretting a lot, and seems far more stressed than me. Because he's a different person with different problems and different reactions.

I wouldn't go for all the reasons already mentioned. I'd feel pretty pissed off if a colleague was off on long term sick leave due to stress and then pitched up to a party, while the rest of us picked up the additional workload (which would probably cause us all to be stressed as well..)

I wouldn't as I was treated really badly by management on my return when I popped in to say goodbye to a colleague. So badly that I am now on anti depresents for anxiety

I keep writing long posts then looding them. Where do they go?

Thanks for all the advice been thinking hard and am not going tonight. Don't think I'd really thought through how I'd feel. Plus it might look bad.

To those querying my stress I have never had time of for this before. Being made redundant after 10 years in a job I love completely out of the blue. Not just crying all the ykme but sobbing uncontrollably in the toilets. And you don't need to tell me I've dropped my colleagues in it I know.

I think it wouldn't look well, to be honest. I know when you're stressed you're not confined to bed or the house and it's probably good to get out and socialise for a while.
But there's just something a bit 'off' about going to a work related event when you've been signed off sick. People will talk about it.

Booboo57, I think you have made the best decision not to go tonight.

Hope you feel better soon.

Ill give you an example of a recent situation in my workplace, OP.

Someone high up in the company went on sick leave due to stress. We all had to work overtime to cover the work that they were leaving behind.

3 weeks into their sick leave the person with stress posted a status on facebook, with pictures, gleefully bragging about what a wonderful time they had in Barcelona for their weeks holiday.

Occupational health encourage any activity, including foreign holidays and drinks with friends, that will help with their recovery.

The rest of us were left with a rather hefty workload while she was off sunning herself. It left a bitter taste in the mouth of many other employees who finished work late and had to start early for a total of 12 weeks.

Then she resigned anyway.

While the employer legally doesn't have a leg to stand on in this case you are likely to make enemies of the people you worked with.

I really hope this helps.

I think this lays out nicely, why people do feel resentful when people go off work with stress. As you say, the Employer doesn't have a leg to stand on, because the person with stress is often encouraged to go out walking a lot, join the gym, even go on holiday ...... but it's still not nice for the people that are having to work all the hours going
Posting pics of your holiday on FB and going to the work's Do is one step too far.

I think you have made the right decision booboo.
I hope you are feeling better soon.

Well it should have occurred to you angelo because stress can cause huge long lasting physical damage to your body. The health implications of stress are manifold and not to be underestimated.

Someone who looks after their health is not 'dropping their colleagues in it', it's up to the work place to look after the other colleagues and spread the load, it's the employers fault if they don't.

You get one life with one body and it's too bloody precious to cut short for the sake of a job.

Someone who looks after their health is not 'dropping their colleagues in it', it's up to the work place to look after the other colleagues and spread the load, it's the employers fault if they don't

I absolutely agree with this - it is the employers fault if they don't provide any cover.
But the fact remains that a lot of employers will often spread the workload onto the remaining employees.
And that's where the resentments kick in.
It's not the other employees fault that they feel how they do, any more than it's not the person who's off with stress's fault either.

I totally agree done

I just think that using it as a reason to bash people who take the time off is wrong, as a couple of posters have done. If I was flattened by stress because of an absent colleagues work I would go to my boss and kick up a fuss, but I wouldn't feel like I'd been dropped in it with the person who was off (unless they weren't genuinely ill of course; hence the point of the whole thread!!)

Money does not grow on trees. Most companies work on lean budgets. The fact is the company is paying someone to do the job who cannot because of stress. Where is the extra money going to come from? Even if there is budget for it, it is not always easy to get someone in with the right skills to cover that role particularly if it is just a contract rather than permanent role. And even if the employer gets someone in, the person still has to be trained (by existing employees, yes) and there is a period of adjustment as the work gets divided up and pieced out and everyone has to learn to work together differently. If it is a contract worker, that person could quit any time or the contract ends and the whole cycle starts again.

In an ideal world, that employee should quit to free up that job to go to someone else which the employer can hire on a permanent basis. But that employee has not done so yet (for obvious reasons) whilst everyone else is suffering to different degrees indefinitely.

And not all of us work in sectors where -- even with lean budgets - there might be a bit of contingency. It's all very well to say that ot's the emplyer's responsibility to cover the work left by someone on long term sick leave, but in some areas that just does not happen. In education, in the NHS, there is no cover. A few years ago, I had to cover for someone else's (undeclared) MH problems, with no extra cover, at severe cost to my own health & career. But I soldiered on, because I could.

If I'd seen pics of my colleague on hols etc, bitter wouldn't go near to how I'd have felt. I still look back on that 6 months and shudder. And was quite pleased when the colleague left. Not a nice thing to know about oneself, but there you are.

Probably because she needs a wage?

The person who is leaving where she wants to have a 'knees-up' may have also been made redundant. In fact, they may have been made redundant in lieu of the OP who suddenly has managed to save her job and keep getting paid all because she is so stressed that she might be made redundant that she can't do her job anymore (although she still expects to be paid for it).

I can see you've made up your mind now, booboo, but I was going to come back and say after reading all the posts I'd slightly changed my mind too. Partly because of Burnt's posts, and partly because I think it depends on the atmosphere of the office where you work and how popular you are.

i.e. if it's a small team, and you're all pretty close and it's not generally a bitchy place to work, I think people would be pleased to see you.

However, if it's the kind of place which enjoys talking about others in a negative light and makes lots of assumptions, you're prob better to keep away.

Good luck. And hope you're better soon.

You have to be very careful with that. Even small, supportive teams can end up feeling slightly resentful of colleagues who are off with stress but who are well enough to attend work parties, while they take on the additional workload that absence causes. I think the best approach is to err on the side of caution and not go - I'm another who thinks you've done the right thing OP.

Someone I work with was on restricted hours due to an illness (IBS believe it or not...). She got to leave at 5 every day when everyone else was leaving between 8 and midnight (we work late).

She was a massive source of bitching and bitterness in the office because she turned up at every social event and often had evening plans involving drinking and eating.

OP - this will not go down well.

You are off sick because of stress due to your job and employment situation. Seems odd that you want to go and socialise with all your work colleagues when work is causing you stress. Plus your colleagues are either under threat of redundancy too or doing your job for you while you are off sick, or even both. Can't you say goodbye to your friend privately?

I've been made redundant - twice, and once while pregnant - so I understand the stress involved, but I would hike up my judgy pants extra high if I was your colleague and you appeared at this.