AIBU to go to work collegues leaving do

[booboo57]

When I have just been signed off with stress due to impending redundancy. Really close colleague but i can't go can I?
Be gentle with me first post ever.

I wouldn't go. I really wouldn't. My DH is having to deal with a ton of additional extremely stressful work due a colleagues absence with stress. He wouldn't have time to attend a leaving bash at the moment due to the increased workload, so it would be pretty galling for the absent colleague to be there.

Write a card and post it to the office

I wouldn't go. I really wouldn't. My DH is having to deal with a ton of additional extremely stressful work due a colleagues absence with stress. He wouldn't have time to attend a leaving bash at the moment due to the increased workload, so it would be pretty galling for the absent colleague to be there.

This is the thing, Employees don't always employ extra cover for when the colleague is off sick. The other employees get all the extra work, with no extra pay.
No wonder there are resentments.

Employers don't employ extra cover,

It's not about 'not socislising'; it's about staying away from one event where it would arguably be inappropriate to attend.

Pizza, people would think the same if it was any chronic illness, not just mental.
If it's something that is happening frequently and on a regular basis, surely you must know that people at your workplace are having do all your work? (without extra pay)
Do you not blame them for being a little bit resentful?

Okay, Pizza, am only trying to see it from both sides.

Burnt
I think your case is not the same. This is a situation where the other employees may be very worried about their own positions and may be having to go in and face a grim atmosphere every single day. People might not be dealing with their own stress very well.

Someone generally being off due to health reasons, physical or mental is a different issue because the atmosphere in the office would be different.

I wouldn't go.

Like it or not, there will be people who will think that if you're well enough to go to a work party, then you're well enough to go to work. Having to field judgy comments and probing questions about your stress levels could get very stressful in itself, especially if your manager is a "too ill to work means too ill to party" person.

Even if you're being made redundant you still need to think about references etc.

burnt it has absolutely nothing with the fact that it is stress related and not an physical injury. I used to work in a place where someone was signed off due to a broken leg. Yet on FB there'd be photos of her partying (in a plaster cast). Her colleagues were pissed off cause if she were fine to party, she'd be fine to come to work. Whether it was right or wrong, I don't know but there was heaps of resentment.

And if it's work making the OP stressed then I'd be surprised to see her at a work related do.

I wouldn't attend, personally. It might feel like you are ready to party, but being with your work colleagues, even in a social situation, could trigger all of the stress, for you, all over again.
Dealing with impending redundancy isn't easy, and there is bound to be a great deal of chat about it, even on a night out. I'd suggest baby steps, in terms of meeting up with colleagues, in order not to risk suffering a setback.
I would make contact with the colleague to wish them well, and arrange to meet with them, when you feel better, for lunch or coffee.

If everyone went off with stress due to impending redundancy there would be chaos. Myself, DH and many friends have been through redundancy over the recession and none have had time off work for stress.

Burnt No - I have a fair bit of knowledge about depression from issues throughout my family. I was just making a comment.

angelo that's an unimaginative comment at best! Are you the sort of person who says: "just get on with it!", to someone clinically depressed?

Ill give you an example of a recent situation in my workplace, OP.

Someone high up in the company went on sick leave due to stress. We all had to work overtime to cover the work that they were leaving behind.

3 weeks into their sick leave the person with stress posted a status on facebook, with pictures, gleefully bragging about what a wonderful time they had in Barcelona for their weeks holiday.

Occupational health encourage any activity, including foreign holidays and drinks with friends, that will help with their recovery.

The rest of us were left with a rather hefty workload while she was off sunning herself. It left a bitter taste in the mouth of many other employees who finished work late and had to start early for a total of 12 weeks.

Then she resigned anyway.

While the employer legally doesn't have a leg to stand on in this case you are likely to make enemies of the people you worked with.

I really hope this helps.

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time ..

I would not go as I think it is inappropriate. I would ring my friend and ask her out to lunch.

I was off with stress a few years back and went along to a work do. Which I was invited to....stayed for an hour and a half, didn't drink as was driving. Found out later that people had a good old bitch about me, including the person who invited me along. This added to my stress. When I went back there was definitely an atmosphere. I would tread carefully, only you know the situation and your colleagues.

I know plenty about stress...sitting in the car crying before going in to work, month in, month out. But it didn't occur to me to drop my colleagues in it.

Agree with FeijoaSundae 's posts.

You're off sick because of work.
You're fine to socialise generally but socialising with work colleagues at an event directly related to work seems like an unnecessary blurring if boundaries.

If you were off sick with a broken leg or whatever, fine. But as you've gone off with work related stress, going to a work related event just seems off.

My logic is shakey I know.