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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be glad I can't remember being breastfed?

410 replies

retrocutie · 28/05/2015 15:16

I just read this article in the, erm, Daily Mail. In it, a woman who is breastfeeding her 5 year-old and 2 year-old talks of her wish to still be breastfeeding when her kids are 10 years old. This makes me feel a bit uneasy. A child of 10 will remember being breastfed and I just think it is a bit yucky. Sorry. I am glad I wasn't still breastfed at that age. Some children are going through puberty at 10… I dunno, it just seems a bit, well, wrong somehow. At some point it becomes inappropriate, surely?

Not only that, but as is often the case in these families, the poor husband has been banished to the spare room so that the mother can co-sleep with the DC. Just seems a bit unfair. I feel more than a bit sorry for him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WaywardOn3 · 28/05/2015 15:20

Yanbu there really is no need to continue beyond 3yrs old. Ds stopped well before he was 2 and my dn stopped at almost 3

Must be awkward doing that when your dc is 5 though

PenguinBollards · 28/05/2015 15:20

'But as is so often the case in these families'

How many of 'these' families have you surveyed? What method of analysis did you use? Were your results statistically significant?

Or are you just pushing buttons?

leedy · 28/05/2015 15:24

She may wish to be still breastfeeding her children at 10 but it's extremely unlikely they'll be able to, in general humans lose their ability to latch on with their baby teeth, I don't think I've ever heard of a child feeding past 7. It's one of those great myths of "extended"/natural term breastfeeding - IF YOU DON'T STOP THEM YOU'LL BE FEEDING AN ADULT EWWW CREEPY. Er, no. You can encourage weaning or not, but they all eventually stop by themselves, normally well before it would be "inappropriate".

Also why would it be "yucky" to remember being breastfed? Surely it's no weirder than remembering anything else from babyhood or early childhood. I remember having my nappy changed as a toddler, is that "yucky"?

HamishBamish · 28/05/2015 15:24

Yanbu there really is no need to continue beyond 3yrs old.

Why the cut off at 3? Lots of people would say there's no need to continue past 12 months.

Personally, I found around 3 to be right for us (both boys stopped around 3 and a couple of months), but I wouldn't presume to apply that to other families.

HamishBamish · 28/05/2015 15:25

My DC are 7 and nearly 5 and they both say they remember breastfeeding. Not in any graphic detail, but they can remember the comfort and security they felt when they did it.

soapboxqueen · 28/05/2015 15:26

The average age world wide is 4 years old for weaning totally from bf. Children stop being able to breastfeed around 5 or 6 years old anyway so she's out of luck with 10Hmm something to do with their milk teeth falling out.

I say each to their own.

leedy · 28/05/2015 15:26

"Yanbu there really is no need to continue beyond 3yrs old. Ds stopped well before he was 2 and my dn stopped at almost 3"

Is there any reason why you picked 3? Just odd to hear someone who did actually feed their DC well past the "usual" age declare that the age they stopped is the absolute limit, beyond that is wrong, no need for it after that etc. Also I presume feeding a 5 year old is much the same as feeding any other aged child, you just start feeding them when they're a baby and don't stop. :)

DS2 is still feeding at 2.5, I'm assuming he'll stop some time within the next year but I'm not going to stop at 3 just because he "doesn't need it".

Original poster
retrocutie · 28/05/2015 15:31

For those of you who think extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping is absolutely fine, can I ask your views on the banishing of the husband? I am just curious if anybody thinks this is OK.

OP posts:
Koalafications · 28/05/2015 15:32

Personally I am glad that I can't remember being breastfed.

It's not going to be an issue for other people and I certainly don't judge mothers and children who decide to 'extend' BFing.

Vycount · 28/05/2015 15:32

I feel sorry for the husband and I feel sorry for the children. That's sure to be an unpopular statement...
The husband is feeling excluded from the family unit, he is as much a part of it as the mother and children.
The children are going to get some stick from their peers as they get older.
It is not natural to breastfeed for so long. Natural sees the young animal being weaned when the new one is born. "Naturally" children wouldn't be fed until 10 years old would they?

Koalafications · 28/05/2015 15:33

The average age world wide is 4 years old for weaning totally from bf.

This has came up on a number of these types of threads and it has been proven to be bollocks.

PenguinBollards · 28/05/2015 15:36

Both of my children breastfed beyond the age of 3 (however 'unnecessary' westward may find that to be, due to an arbitrarily defined cut-off point). They weaned, gradually, well before the age of ten, so I agree that she may struggle to keep it going until that age if it is not the child's choice.

But 'yucky'? Hmm
[or have I fallen for a half-term wind-up?]

DisappointedOne · 28/05/2015 15:37

For those of you who think extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping is absolutely fine, can I ask your views on the banishing of the husband? I am just curious if anybody thinks this is OK.

In what way is the husband banished?

zoomaroundtheloom · 28/05/2015 15:39

"Her wine merchant husband Jim, 56, sleeps in a separate bed for medical reasons"

Banished, eh?

PenguinBollards · 28/05/2015 15:41

'For those of you who think extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping is absolutely fine, can I ask your views on the banishing of the husband? I am just curious if anybody thinks this is OK'

My husband was not 'banished', so I'm afraid I cannot help you on that score. I'd imagine every family has their own set-up. What has lead you to believe in this universal set-up of banished husbands?

Can I ask you what, in your opinion, is not 'absolutely fine' about extended bf-ing and co-sleeping?

Psippsina · 28/05/2015 15:41

Not only that, but as is often the case in these families, the poor husband has been banished to the spare room so that the mother can co-sleep with the DC.

What a load of cobblers.

I don't think I'm even willing to engage with this tripe.

WaywardOn3 · 28/05/2015 15:41

I only said 3 as I've never seen any bf or say they bf after that age. As I said ds stopped before 2 and my niece around 3.

Can't imagine it would be very comfortable for mum either

Original poster
retrocutie · 28/05/2015 15:42

"Naturally I feel left out when it comes to the sleeping situation".

OP posts:
OrangeMochaFrappucino · 28/05/2015 15:43

Maybe the husband is totally on board with it and it's a joint decision? Maybe he thinks it's best for his family and the way he wants his kids to be looked after? I don't automatically feel sorry for him based on the information in the post.

Cheby · 28/05/2015 15:44

Is today international have a go at breast feeding day or something? I think I missed the memo.

DisappointedOne · 28/05/2015 15:45

My daughter is 4.5. 2 of her closest peers (older than her) still breastfeed at night for comfort. Another stopped around 6 months ago. The other stopped at 2 only because his mum was pregnant with his brother. Before having kids I'd probably have found it a bit Hmm but it's actually completely normal to me!

LaurieMarlow · 28/05/2015 15:45

Given that we really don't have hoards of children failing to wean themselves and breastfeeding until the age of 25, I suggest we stop hand wringing on this topic and let people stop when it suits them.

And surely the implications of co-sleeping on the couples relationship is … umm … their own business. Retro, i don't see how your opinions on this topic are relevant to people who aren't you.

MagpieCursedTea · 28/05/2015 15:48

Lots of judgey pants on this thread Hmm

Why is it anyone else's business how long someone breast feeds for? If a kid wants to wean, you can't force them to keep feeding. Also, I can only speak for my family but DH is supportive of our feeding choices and very involved in family life.

leedy · 28/05/2015 15:50

"I only said 3 as I've never seen any bf or say they bf after that age. "

A friend of mine's daughter BF til 4, and then stopped perfectly happily. I know a couple of other kids who fed past 3 as well. I'm sure it didn't seem weird to their families at the time.

""Naturally" children wouldn't be fed until 10 years old would they?"

As I pointed out upthread, no, they wouldn't. Because they can't. They can and do feed well into toddler/preschool years, though. Also I dunno where you're getting the "it's not natural to breastfeed for so long", I saw one of the gorillas in our local zoo feeding her 3 year old a while back - the great apes all breastfeed their young for several years. Should I have told her to have him weaned already ("that gorilla should be drinking from a cup by now! she's infantilizing it!"), or possibly wear some kind of breastfeeding cover in case she gave the other gorillas notions?

Also bemused by the whole "natural term BF == husband isn't getting any" thing, how do you think they ended up with the 2 year old?

DisappointedOne · 28/05/2015 15:52

Also bemused by the whole "natural term BF == husband isn't getting any" thing, how do you think they ended up with the 2 year old?

Indeed!

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