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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be glad I can't remember being breastfed?

410 replies

retrocutie · 28/05/2015 15:16

I just read this article in the, erm, Daily Mail. In it, a woman who is breastfeeding her 5 year-old and 2 year-old talks of her wish to still be breastfeeding when her kids are 10 years old. This makes me feel a bit uneasy. A child of 10 will remember being breastfed and I just think it is a bit yucky. Sorry. I am glad I wasn't still breastfed at that age. Some children are going through puberty at 10… I dunno, it just seems a bit, well, wrong somehow. At some point it becomes inappropriate, surely?

Not only that, but as is often the case in these families, the poor husband has been banished to the spare room so that the mother can co-sleep with the DC. Just seems a bit unfair. I feel more than a bit sorry for him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsFrankieHeck · 28/05/2015 16:14

'So for now I will continue to allow it'

Victorian husband say what?

claraschu · 28/05/2015 16:15

We are the only animals who suck on cows' udders (well maybe not directly) all the way into adulthood.

Now that IS weird behaviour.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 28/05/2015 16:15

Just more fucking mum-bashing while 'poor' dad doesn't make any decisions. It's all patriarchal bullshit and more shame on you for not seeing through it.

Wow seriously? I read this article about the same family in the Mirror. The father said he felt left out of bedtime, that the mum often went to bed with them at 7.30. I'd feel left out as well, if roles were reversed. Things may have been done differently a time ago, they may be changing now, but should a dad miss out on family time, reading his kids a bedtime story, tuck them in, then spend a couple of quality, adult hours with his wife? Doesn't mean society is still falling to 'the man', does it. As for being 'grateful' for a bed to himself, why in earth should a woman have to sleep with kids for years on end, just in case they need to use her as a milk machine? I'd personally either rather my snoring partner, or better still I'll leave him in bed with the kids with a few milk bottles, and I'll enjoy the spare room.

Devora · 28/05/2015 16:18

Ah now, DisappointedOne, I must say I think that quote is about as ridiculous as posters who start prattling about 'Bitty' and the parents' attachment needs.

WonderingWillow · 28/05/2015 16:18

YANBU. It isn't for the child's benefit at that age.

There are lots of other ways to be close, other than babying them. If you want the health benefits, you can express into a cup and give it to them.

If you treat them like babies, don't be shocked when they behave as such.

PomeralLights · 28/05/2015 16:19

Aww thanks guys!! :) I speak as someone who's thoughts about bf and co-sleeping and other parenting decisions that are my and DHs and ours alone to make has been radically changed by A) mumsnet and B) having a real, proper baby who suckles at my breasts and cuddles me at night and only naps in a sling and barely left the house for her first 3 months (or 4th trimester :) ).

Also WTAF re reading bedtime stories? The dad can't read bedtime stories because the mum is there at bedtime? Am I reading this right?! How does that logic work. Surely most parents share bedtime if possible and nearly all children with two resident parents will, at some point, have had a story read to them while the other parent was in the room?

I mean......what? Confused

Aeroflotgirl · 28/05/2015 16:20

I don't agree with this, at all. Really I feel that she is doing it because she cannot let go, and the statement that she wants to bf even when her dd is 10 says it all really! It is affecting their relationship, it is also up to the dad how their children are raised, he has every right to disagree with their 5 year old being breastfed.

ouryve · 28/05/2015 16:20

DS2 stopped at 2.5 and he still occasionally gives them a fond pat when he snuggles in, when he's tired.

Given the source, though. I strongly suspect that the woman interviewed has been hand picked for maximum pearl clutchage.

Feminine · 28/05/2015 16:22

My two children that got the longest breastfeeding stint, are the most out - going and confident.
Sometimes, they co-slept too.

Risk taking family that we are!

leedy · 28/05/2015 16:22

As for being 'grateful' for a bed to himself, why in earth should a woman have to sleep with kids for years on end, just in case they need to use her as a milk machine?

shrugs Some people like co-sleeping (I don't), there's no indication that she's just sleeping with them as some kind of all night feeding resource/doing it because she "has to" and is enslaved to their feeding needs. Also a lot of older BF kids are night weaned - as I said, DS2 hasn't woken up for a feed in over a year.

Seriously, contrary to some popular belief, feeding a toddler/preschooler is not like feeding a newborn - you don't have the 3 year old literally attached to your breast 24/7, they don't demand milk constantly, you can set limits, not feed at night, go away for the weekend, etc.

Devora · 28/05/2015 16:23

These bf threads are about as sensible as the SAHP/WOHP ones. Can anybody truthfully look around at all the children they know and guess which has been bf and which has been ff? Or which had SAHP and which had WOHP? We are so privileged to live in a time and place where these choices do not have life-or-death consequences for our children. Can't we all just get off each others' backs a little and make our peace with our own decisions?

YellowTulips · 28/05/2015 16:24

Isn't this quite simply a case of each to their own?

EBF wasn't for me or my son for a number of reasons, but if it works for some families then my view is fine - go with what works.

Equally true for families that choose formula feeding.

I don't know why we are all so judgmental about this FF/BF/EBF to be blunt.

As long as the child, mum and wider family are happy and heathy then where's the issue.

DisappointedOne · 28/05/2015 16:24

Ah now, DisappointedOne, I must say I think that quote is about as ridiculous as posters who start prattling about 'Bitty' and the parents' attachment needs.

It's backed up by some pretty compelling science (goes back to revising Bowlby and Ainsworth). It's part of a more complete article - I linked to it.

Feminine · 28/05/2015 16:24

Also, those that haven't practiced natural term feeding, really don't have any idea how it works.
We don't swaddle them, and lay them down in a cot afterwards.
They hop on, hop off.... Play... Have some lunch...

wanderings · 28/05/2015 16:25

(Surprised the 5-letter B-word from Little Britain didn't come up much earlier!)

See also: the Daddy Nurser, from a book of "unuseless inventions": www.intro-spect.co.uk/littleworks/daddynurser.htm

leedy · 28/05/2015 16:25

"If you treat them like babies, don't be shocked when they behave as such."

I'm not treating him like a baby. I'm treating him like a breastfed two year old. And I'm fucked if I'm going to hook myself up to robobaby to "give him it in a cup if you want the health benefits", the actual feeding is a benefit in itself.

Anyway he's a big, confident, able, articulate, cuddly child who runs off into nursery with barely a backward glance for poor old mum but always has a big hug for me at the end of the day, if that's "behaving like a baby" then that's fine by me.

Koalafications · 28/05/2015 16:25

I really don't like the undertones (and sometimes blatant) posts on these threads that make out its the mother being 'creepy' or getting some kind of gratification from it.

It's quite an awful thing to say about someone.

Devora · 28/05/2015 16:26

I think the blog posted by DisappointedOne is based on a very, very partial reading of the evidence - and there's bucketloads of bad research in this area. I can see absolutely no public health benefit in promoting breastfeeding beyond infancy in the UK (though that doesn't mean it should be discouraged either).

On the other hand, those who are repulsed by the idea of bf older children bf really need to take a long hard look at yourselves and think about why.

DisappointedOne · 28/05/2015 16:26

I exclusively expressed for DD - she never successfully latched onto me. She still finds comfort putting her hand in my bra if she's tired or upset. Presumably I should take her hand out and leave the room just in case my husband gets upset by it. Hmm

Devora · 28/05/2015 16:26

I don't agree that it is, DisappointedOne, and yes I do have professional experience in this field.

SaulGood · 28/05/2015 16:27

Has somebody said it's all for the mother's benefit yet? Owt about babying? Some arbitrary cut offs declared? Stick it in a cup if you must give it?

Can I just chuck in something about once they have teeth or are able to ask for it, something else about veiny tits dangled into the mouths of demanding, spoilt toddlers? Feeding through the bars of the school gate? Bullying? Maybe an eeewwwww.

If we're going for the full house, it's v important we include all the sweeping, ignorant generalisations.

DisappointedOne · 28/05/2015 16:29

I think the blog posted by DisappointedOne is based on a very, very partial reading of the evidence - and there's bucketloads of bad research in this area. I can see absolutely no public health benefit in promoting breastfeeding beyond infancy in the UK (though that doesn't mean it should be discouraged either).

It was written by a world-renowned anthropologist and breastfeeding expert, but sure. It's all twt.

leedy · 28/05/2015 16:31

"I can see absolutely no public health benefit in promoting breastfeeding beyond infancy in the UK"

Minor, but it's REALLY REALLY HANDY when your toddler has D&V. Readymade rehydration drink with easily absorbed nutrients in a comforting ready to go package.

Obviously you wouldn't make a decision to BF past infancy just for this reason, but I still have "thank God I'm still BF" moments with DS2 when he's pukey. Hopefully by the time he's weaned he'll also have moved beyond the age of getting every gastro bug going, as was (almost) the case with his brother.

leedy · 28/05/2015 16:31

"Has somebody said it's all for the mother's benefit yet? Owt about babying? Some arbitrary cut offs declared? Stick it in a cup if you must give it?"

All of the above!

Devora · 28/05/2015 16:32

To clarify, I think bf is A Good Thing for its health benefits (though these are often over-stated). It's not a moral issue and I am very Hmm about 'research' that claims it makes children happier. The IQ research is also very dodgy, I think.

Internationally, bf is fantastically important and really can be a life-saver.

Here in the UK individual women shouldn't feel guilt-tripped for not bf, as the health benefits are much smaller and can easily be outweighed by other considerations (like maternal preference!). However, I do think that those who find extended bf disgusting or speculate about the mother's motives are buying into the sexualisation of women's bodies, the implication that only in strictly defined circumstances can our bodies be about anything other than pleasing men.