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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be glad I can't remember being breastfed?

410 replies

retrocutie · 28/05/2015 15:16

I just read this article in the, erm, Daily Mail. In it, a woman who is breastfeeding her 5 year-old and 2 year-old talks of her wish to still be breastfeeding when her kids are 10 years old. This makes me feel a bit uneasy. A child of 10 will remember being breastfed and I just think it is a bit yucky. Sorry. I am glad I wasn't still breastfed at that age. Some children are going through puberty at 10… I dunno, it just seems a bit, well, wrong somehow. At some point it becomes inappropriate, surely?

Not only that, but as is often the case in these families, the poor husband has been banished to the spare room so that the mother can co-sleep with the DC. Just seems a bit unfair. I feel more than a bit sorry for him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
HamishBamish · 28/05/2015 16:50

The idea of breast feeding a toddler does seem remarkable. No extended breast feeder actually feeds a toddler in such stark terms. They feed their child. It's a symbiotic relationship which started with a baby. The breast feeding is a continuation. You don't know this until you do it.

I absolutely agree.

MokunMokun · 28/05/2015 16:50

My daughter is almost four and still breastfeeds to sleep. She is quite highly strung by nature so I think she finds it calming. I would wean in a heart beat but she really does become hysterical so I will keep encouraging her to stop and hopefully we'll get there soon. My son is 6 and still likes to snuggle up at night. He sucks his thumb next to my breast. Oddly my middle child has absolutely no interest. He does like getting his back scratched as he falls asleep though. I often lie next to my kids and chat and cuddle until they fall asleep. It's such a magical and special time.

SaulGood · 28/05/2015 16:53

WonderingWillow, you are using an isolated case of dehydration to make a sweeping generalisation about actual research. Breast feeding is absolutely brilliant for a child with D&V. They do tend to keep some down and it is a complete food, easily digested and many a bfing mother has been glad of it when her child has a gastro bug. Of course some breastfed babies/toddlers will be hospitalised. This doesn't negate the facts.

You also can't say that the NHS doesn't provide enough support for bfing, therefore it can't matter. You are wilfully misunderstanding the struggles around funding, support, education and staffing. It's like saying that certain cancer drugs aren't available in certain areas because of postcode lotteries and declaring that curing cancer is therefore seen as a waste of time.

soapboxqueen · 28/05/2015 16:54

Koala I thought you were rude. I've never responded to anyone in that way, particularly when their post was not directed at me in the first place.

The WHO and many breastfeeding charities/organisations report it as a fact. You may have the time to second guess and 'research' major and international organisations for every sentence they print but I don't.
If they are wrong take it up with them rather that shouting 'bollocks' at someone on a chat forum. Especially when it had naff all to do with the sentiment of the post.

PacificDogwood · 28/05/2015 16:54

Oh FFS, the thread is going in the usual expected way Hmm

And just one tiny thing - nobody have ever breastfed a child, the child breastfeeds.

If everybody were happy with the feeding choices they made, there would not be as much outrage about natural term BFing IMO.
Fwiw, I mix-fed, BF and bottle-fed to a varying degree all of mine. You cannot tell which got what. So shoot me.

WonderingWillow · 28/05/2015 16:56

leedy my mum claims I was never ill because I was BF. That is just not true. She's forgotten about the childhood asthma, and the allergies, and the sicknesses that every kids get! So I'll agree with you there!

I also get (and this isn't you btw), irked by people who claim that by not BFing my DC for an extended period of time, that I am not experiencing a good a relationship as they clearly are Confused

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 28/05/2015 16:57

Minor, but it's REALLY REALLY HANDY when your toddler has D&V. Readymade rehydration drink with easily absorbed nutrients in a comforting ready to go package.

God - yes! Ds has d&v at the moment and for a day or so it was the only thing he was willing to ingest at all.

Last summer we went abroad on holiday and all got some awful bug. Ds (then aged 13 months) refused everything but breastmilk but was ok after a couple of days. Poor dd (then aged 4 and not breastfeeding) tried really hard to drink the odd sip of water but couldn't keep it down so started refusing and ended up in hospital with dehydration. I stopped with her when she was 2 and a bit which felt the right time for both of us at the time but watching her scream with agony at the drip in her arm made me really really wish I hadn't. Sad

SirVixofVixHall · 28/05/2015 16:59

I agree too Hamish. I think these threads tend to be rather snide and unpleasant actually. Why on earth it would bother anyone how long someone breastfeeds for, if ever, is quite beyond me. I suppose think its rather sad if someone never tries, but I still respect that choice and assume that maybe they are in a situation where bf isn't supported, or is frowned upon. I really hate the nastiness that is constantly levelled out at women who feed toddlers and beyond. Yet you can feed your baby milk from another species, without anyone batting an eyelid. The horrible hints that it is slightly perverted/needy are particularly bad. Its just feeding a small child milk that said small child is designed to drink. Have we really been fed the line that breasts are sexy and nothing else to such a degree that we can't separate the two?

Koalafications · 28/05/2015 17:05

Ok, you thought I was rude I was merely correcting you. Take it however you like.

If they are wrong take it up with them rather that shouting 'bollocks' at someone on a chat forum Hmm shouting?! Confused

THIS IS SHOUTING. (On an Internet forum)

This is not.

TessBrookes · 28/05/2015 17:05

Still breastfeeding at the age of 5 and wanting to until the age of 10 is more for the selfish needs of the mum and not at all to do with what's best for the child.

Original poster
retrocutie · 28/05/2015 17:06

Its just feeding a small child milk that said small child is designed to drink.

A 10 year-old is not a small child.

OP posts:
soapboxqueen · 28/05/2015 17:08

Koala I think you and I have very different ideas of helpful.

myneighbourtotoro2 · 28/05/2015 17:09

Sirvix - it's sad if someone doesn't try? But you respect their choice ? You obviously judge their choice if you feel sad about it .

I do agree that these threads are unpleasant though . Why anyone cares how someone else feeds their child is beyond me.

DisappointedOne · 28/05/2015 17:09

The child is 5, not 10, and therefore small.

As has been pointed out, being physically able to breastfeed at 10 is extremely unlikely anyway.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 28/05/2015 17:10

Still breastfeeding at the age of 5 and wanting to until the age of 10 is more for the selfish needs of the mum and not at all to do with what's best for the child.

It's the Daily-sodding-Mail. She probably formula fed from birth!

soapboxqueen · 28/05/2015 17:15

Devora I didn't mention six. I made a passing reference to the figure stated by the WHO which is 4.2 . I doubt many people do any more research than relying on international health bodies unless they are deeply involved in the field themselves which most aren't.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 28/05/2015 17:16

Breastfeeding a 10year old... Ridiculous Hmm

NinkyNonkers · 28/05/2015 17:24

Read the thread?

Ds may still be feeding at 5, not fussed either way. He is only 3 now, and only feeds at night. Very much normal in our house and far from an issue.

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd · 28/05/2015 17:26

Talk to his wife and come to a decision together, or leave.Hmm

Sexist much? It's not just wife's decision, is it?

SirVixofVixHall · 28/05/2015 17:28

myneighbour- I can feel sad that someone is missing out without thinking they are somehow a freak for not breastfeeding. I'd feel sad for someone who hasn't tasted chocolate buttons, but i would hardly be "judging" them. Anyway we all make judgements, all the time, judging things isn't bad, suggesting that long term breastfeeders are weird or needy or somehow freaks however...
I promise to never start a thread slagging off women who never try breastfeeding their babies (or chocolate buttons).

mrstweefromtweesville · 28/05/2015 17:30

They won't want to breastfeed at 10, the urge to suck fades around the age of eight. My dd stopped at four years three months because when my marriage broke up I couldn't keep still or stand the physical contact. She was close to stopping anyway and accepted that I couldn't do it any more. She doesn't have a vivid memory of being breastfed, she says, but she did carry forward the most impressive knowledge of how to breastfeed her own child.

Most naturally-breastfed babies (round the clock, no pacifiers) have stopped by five, or do so around the time they go to school. Children with additional needs might go on longer. The only woman I've known of who fed an eight year old was the mum of a Down Syndrome child - the daughter had good control of her tongue and mouth from breastfeeding and consequently spoke clearly.

Husbands aren't usually 'banished' in co-sleeping families. The idea of co-sleeping is 'all in together'. Babies do sleep (they sleep well if they are confident their parents will be there for them) and parents can adjourn for sex or have quiet sex close by.

If you are 'sorry for' a man of 56 sleeping alone, why aren't you sorry for all the newborns, babies, toddlers and small children sleeping alone all over the country? All the little ones who come to the rooms where mummies and daddies are snuggled in together, and are told to go away, not to be babies, to sleep on their own, not to be afraid of the dark, not to be lonely... go away, kid, no-one sees things from your point of view.

vvega · 28/05/2015 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worksallhours · 28/05/2015 18:01

To be honest, I don't think Miira Dawson or her daughter are particularly good advertisments for the health benefits of long-term breast-feeding, regardless of what people think about it.

Neither mother nor daughter look particularly very healthy. The little girl seems very pale in some of the outdoor shots.

PomeralLights · 28/05/2015 18:24

Lady Cuntington those are his choices.

In the same way her choices if unhappy in the relationship, are to talk to her husband, or leave.

Sallyingforth · 28/05/2015 18:38

to be glad I can't remember being breastfed?

I can clearly remember being breastfed, and it's a memory I cherish.

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