to be glad I can't remember being breastfed?

[retrocutie]

I just read this article in the, erm, Daily Mail. In it, a woman who is breastfeeding her 5 year-old and 2 year-old talks of her wish to still be breastfeeding when her kids are 10 years old. This makes me feel a bit uneasy. A child of 10 will remember being breastfed and I just think it is a bit yucky. Sorry. I am glad I wasn't still breastfed at that age. Some children are going through puberty at 10… I dunno, it just seems a bit, well, wrong somehow. At some point it becomes inappropriate, surely?

Not only that, but as is often the case in these families, the poor husband has been banished to the spare room so that the mother can co-sleep with the DC. Just seems a bit unfair. I feel more than a bit sorry for him.

AIBU?

Mrs the dad has the same choice as any other parent in situations where approaches to parenting differ.
I.e. Talk to his wife and come to a decision together, or leave.
I don't care if it's breastfeeding, co-sleeping, what school they go to, what age they have ice cream....
If me and my DH were interviewed by the Mail and he sat there and said 'I don't agree with her parenting decisions but what can I do, I'm just the poor husband' I would accuse him of being a sexist uncommunicative pig too. But he wouldn't because we're adults who talk about childrearing and make decisions together. The topic is irrelevant really.

And of course we both miss sharing a bed just us. Even though the baby/toddler years are short, we daydreamingly talk about the future when it will be just us sharing a big bed again. In the same way we daydreamed about kids before having dd. we were happy in our relationship then, we're happy now, and we will (I trust) be happy in the future.

Because like I said, we're grown ups who communicate.

A 3 or 4 yr old occasionally bf'ing I don't think is out of the realm if normality if a bit unusual

But no matter what anyone says, breast feeding a ten year old is disgusting

When I was in my 20s, I used to babysit for a boy of 9. He was usually in bed when I arrived, but on one occasion, I had to go earlier, and the mother asked if I could put him to bed. Sure, no problem, I said. When I arrived, she showed me how to make up his bottle (with SMA) and told me I had to cuddle him to sleep, with his bottle, in his bed. It was most bizarre - he was about 5 feet tall, so not like cuddling a small child to sleep. I am inclined to think that this is a bit wrong.

Koala rude much?

Tbh I'd never done a massive amount of research into that statistic. Now that I have a brief look I can see that there is no real research into ANY particular age of weaning. So it could well 2, 4 or 6 years of age.

It's all totally irrelevant because the reason the statistic gets used is so that people who choose to bf for an extended period of time can defend themselves against calls of 'pervert' and 'ooh that's child abuse'.

The only consensus seems to be that children naturally ween themselves between the ages of 2 and 7 years.

Absolutely leedy, I think there can be many valid reasons why you would extend bf. (I got up to 22 months, and am kind of sad I stopped there.) Just not public health reasons - in other words, no justification for saying that everyone should do it, it's firmly in the realms of individual choice.

DisappointedOne, don't see the relevance of anthropology to expertise on the psychological benefits of extended bf?

Btw the IQ thing I have strong doubts about, the most intelligent child I know (like seriously high IQ, reading and writing way before pre school even started, mathematic whiz), was unable to be breasted at all not even expressed because they were so ill at birth as was their mother, in fact both nearly died several times. So the child was kept alive by the miracle of medicine, no one gave two shits about BF they just wanted them both alive!

My dd was still feeding when she turned 7. It was never a decision to feed her that long particularly, I just always said I'd let her self wean. I think in my head I'd expected that to be around 3 or so but she didn't show any signs of stopping then. Interestingly, she has quite a few food intolerances and gets horrible eczema if she has more than small amounts of dairy, so I've sometimes wondered if her body sort of knew it needed the milk products she consumed to be human for longer.

We weren't joined at the hip though. Yes, she'd often feed at bedtime if we were together, but if she was staying with my mum or over at her dads for a night or a weekend she'd go to bed with a cuddle and an audiobook (for years before she finally had her last feed).

Same with my 2 year old now - although she's still feeding she will quite happily go to bed with a story from her dad or nan if I'm not in. They both have their own beds too, though they are welcome in mine anytime even the little one usually chooses to spend at least the first half of the night in hers.

Feeding for longer than average doesn't make us some special 'sort' of family, bind us especially closer than other mums and their child, or exclude other family members. It's just a part of our relationship, not the defining factor.

leedy it doesn't work for everyone. My DC threw that back up as well.

BF your 2yo if you want. Since the conversation came up I thought I'd say what I thought.

Nothing has changed my mind about BFing for the length of time I did, but tbh I just don't think it's the be all and end all. I think it's okay to not want to BF as well actually.

" However, I do think that those who find extended bf disgusting or speculate about the mother's motives are buying into the sexualisation of women's bodies, the implication that only in strictly defined circumstances can our bodies be about anything other than pleasing men."

Absolutely.

"But no matter what anyone says, breast feeding a ten year old is disgusting"

For the last time, NOBODY IS BREAST FEEDING A TEN YEAR OLD. I would bet money that that woman's children will have long weaned before they're ten, I would also bet money that there isn't a ten year old in the country who's being breastfed BECAUSE WE LOSE THE ABILITY TO BREASTFEED around the time we lose our milk teeth. The jaw changes shape too much. Like all animals, we're not designed to breastfeed into adulthood.

leedy, the article I read suggested it was part of this particular woman's attachment issues, that she didn't believe her 5 year old should sleep in her own room yet as it was 'unnatural' for her to be in a separate bed. Dont get me wrong, I don't find breastfeeding or co-sleeping wrong, just feel that beyond toddler years it's unnecessary - not bad, just unnecessary.

Why would it be traumatic to remember breast feeding? Unless we are talking early days and hunger whilst milk kicks in?

I was at a farm the other day and saw a fully grown cow feeding from its mum! I pointed out that the milk was useless to it and humans should be drinking it from a cup instead, but I don't think it cared! Shocking!

Yes I 'enjoy' feeding my two but that's because it makes them happy/calms/placates them. We're a cuddly family. As long as they need that comfort I'll be there for them. I don't care what anyone else thinks lol.

Mami, the IQ thing is a generalised thing across the population. You can't cite one case and claim that anecdote = data. What if the most intelligent child I know (truly remarkable child tbh) was fed until she was 5? Which she was actually. Does that cancel out your anecdote?

It's like me saying I walked into traffic this morning without looking and didn't get run over so therefore the notion that paying attention to the road is a load of old nonsense.

soapboxqueen, I do think it's important that we use research properly. I understand why people who choose to extend bf feel the need to justify their decision, because of the criticism they get, but it actually doesn't help. The whole debate is hugely polarised and infused with moral judgement - on both sides. So everyone gets more heated and defends their own choices by attacking the others.

We need to take the heat out of this debate by focusing on the real issues (not banished husbands!) and using proper evidence. It's quite clear that the average age for weaning can't be 6 - because that would mean that half the world would be weaning well after 6, and I challenge you to find me one single country where that is the case. On the other hand, I'd challenge those on this thread who are linking extended bf with creating clingy children, narcissistic mothers or disenfranchised fathers to come up with some evidence themselves.

"leedy it doesn't work for everyone. My DC threw that back up as well. "

Well yeah, it's not magic anti-vomiting fluid, it's just very easily absorbed and isotonic. They get nutrition and hydration from it even if it doesn't stay down for very long. Just because your DC threw it up (my own DS threw some of it up the other morning during a delightful chuck-up-fest that also included barfing prawns down my cleavage) doesn't mean it "didn't work".

Yesterday my daughter (fed till 3)now six,wanted to have try again.
Poor thing has second teeth now, it didn't work out so well.
We just laughed about it.
If she needs comfort she still puts her hand in my top. :)

I really think these type of threads /posts are mean. Very little input from the op and leaving us to defend/or not to our choices.

I think it would be really nice to remember breastfeeding

YY to the IQ thing as well. Also, hasn't it recently been proven that BFing doesn't actually make you lose weight faster?

I think actually, FF is demonised a little bit. I don't think it's shown that FF does have benefits for some families. I also have friends who chose not to BF at all because they didn't want to.

If that was more accepted by groups like NCT, it would just become the non issue it should be.

Just feed your child. I personally don't see the benefit of feeding from the breast for that long, I do think that expressing and giving it in a cup is just as good, but if you feel you both need that then fine. Probably no different to having a special blanket or sucking a thumb for comfort.

My two like sticking their hands down my top too, Feminine. Only one was breastfed

Koala rude much?

Actually, I don't think I was rude at all. It's not a good idea to enter a debate, present something as a fact and then get offended if someone tells you that it isn't.

Well leedy it didn't. What do you want me to say? I tried it, it didn't work. He still went to hospital

It comes with all these promised benefits from the midwives, and when it doesn't work and you don't get along with it, all you get is the message to try harder. No actual help. So tbh, I don't think it can be that important.

If it was that good, honestly the NHS would put more into it, and giving better help across the board. But they don't.

"I do think that expressing and giving it in a cup is just as good"

Christ no. None of the comfort/cuddling/germ-detection aspect, plus mum has to spend time hooked up to the Robobaby of Doom: not as efficient as a baby, certainly not as cute, makes noise like Harrier Jump Jet, requires cleaning, etc. etc.

I only ever use the contraption when I'm away overnight or longer to avoid getting sore boobs and am reminded of how bloody tedious it is, and that's with a really good pump.

I also do not care how other people feed their children, and am a bit irked when how I feed mine is presented as weird/creepy/some kind of bizarre indulgence on my part.

"I personally don't see the benefit of feeding from the breast for that long, I do think that expressing and giving it in a cup is just as good"

I mean this very kindly indeed, but this sentence does speak volumes. If you haven't experienced it then I can see why you'd think that but really extended breast feeding is about so much more than the act of digesting breast milk. If I expressed into a cup 3yo ds probably wouldn't drink it. He doesn't breast feed for nutritional reasons. It's part of a relationship and from the outside you can only criticise it using disparate, often irrelevant statements.

The idea of breast feeding a toddler does seem remarkable. No extended breast feeder actually feeds a toddler in such stark terms. They feed their child. It's a symbiotic relationship which started with a baby. The breast feeding is a continuation. You don't know this until you do it.

"Well leedy it didn't. What do you want me to say? I tried it, it didn't work. He still went to hospital"

I'm sorry that happened - as well as not being a magic anti-vomit medicine, it's not a magic guarantee of avoiding ending up on a drip, just makes it less likely. Some babies will get dehydrated even while being BF, just as some babies will while getting other rehydration drinks. Still doesn't mean it's not generally useful.

The "just makes it less likely" is pretty much how all the possible benefits work anyway - it's not like "blah happened for me which means it doesn't work and isn't important". I get equally pissed off at people claiming that their children are never sick because they're breastfed.