Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sorry for kids who are always playing out

355 replies

vodkanchocolate · 28/05/2015 10:30

Probilly sounding very judgmental here. On our bit of street we have 2 families who never seem to do anything with their kids they are just playing out constantly I often wonder when they manage to go in for tea/dinner let alone baths, homework etc.

So yesterday dinner was time for us to go out go find my eldest dd who said why cant she play out with the others explained we are going to see an elderly relative whos about celebrate her 80th then we can call to the near by park this girl was listneing in and said thats laim fair enough not the most entertaining day for a 9 year old but the younger ones enjoyed themselves. Got back tea time and the bunch of same kids were still all i the street aged ranges from 4-12 and apparently one of the kids have said to my 2 eldest that Im stuck up and trying to stop them playing with the other kids. Why the hell would an 8 year old come out with that comment.

My kids do play out particully my 9 year old and never stopped her playing with anyone theres the odd incident where ill say think you best come away for a bit to avoid something.

Its same after school eve on a school night during summer months out until 9pm some nights wonder where the hell they find time to do stuff.

Sorry on phone today typing not very good.

OP posts:
CrystalMcPistol · 28/05/2015 14:26

'roam the streets' 'chucked out', you use such emotive language to describe normal play.

I'm not suggesting children roam the streets but if an 8 year old lives on a safe road with little traffic I feel sorry for them if they're not allowed play outside for a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon because the parents find it easier to give into fear than be rational.

SunnyBaudelaire · 28/05/2015 14:26

I do feel sorry for those who are basically told to 'fuck off out of the house' and then ignored all day. I knew a brother and sister like that in Brighton. Once I even found the boy sleeping in a bus shelter to avoid going home...he was about 11 or 12 at the time. Horrible.
However I do also feel sorry for children who are never allowed to leave the house and have been fed a range of scare stories, some of which I have also heard. eg 'it is illegal to go on the bus on your own if you are under 16'..'if you are found on the street without your parents at the age of 13, the police will pick you up and bring you home' etc etc.
Hard to strike a balance these days though.

ElsieMc · 28/05/2015 14:29

My girls, now in their twenties, both tell me one of the happiest times from their childhood was when we lived in a small courtyard in a rural location and there were loads of kids there. It was very safe to play out with no passing traffic and they would play out all day with various parents keeping on eye on things. They would pop back at lunchtime for sandwiches which would be left in the front garden and I always made loads extra for other children. They also list Center Parcs as a happy memory due to the freedom there also.

I do understand what you are saying op as there will always be the odd family who do not adequately care for and supervise their children. Mine were happy with friends, fresh air and games rather than expensive theme parks etc. We did go for regular days out, just had to swerve taking half the neighbourhood.

RedKite1985 · 28/05/2015 14:30

Sounds great to me, they should be enjoying playing outside! I used to spend all day every day outside with my friends in the Summer holiday's. Now and again we would run in for ssome quick sandwiches - eat as fast as we could to get back out again.

They were the best days of my life and I have very fond memories

RedKite1985 · 28/05/2015 14:31

we lived in a small courtyard in a rural location and there were loads of kids there. It was very safe to play out with no passing traffic and they would play out all day with various parents keeping on eye on things. They would pop back at lunchtime for sandwiches which would be left in the front garden and I always made loads extra for other children

sounds just like my childhood!

AgathaChristie01 · 28/05/2015 14:31

I don't think it's good for kids to be left outside all day everyday, even when there's no other kids around to play with or its lashing rain or they're just obviously bored and would rather be at home.

Agreed. It's great for kids to get out and about and play ball etc, make friends with others and generally enjoy life.
It's not good to see kids being left out, like some used to be on our street, from one family, completely to their own devices. They would be still out on the green, late at night, in darkness, when all the other kids were long gone to bed.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 28/05/2015 14:32

I wish we lived on a street that was possible for my 2 play out but there isn't really anyone to play with. I see nothing wrong with it at all. Used to live on a street when my DC were lots smaller and DD then 4 played outside with other kids I'd be sitting on the front step feeding baby DS. The few other kids on the street did too. We didn't have gardens and the houses were small so only place for little ones to play was the street. My sister used to live similar street. people were maybe a bit "rough" but not nasty.

fatlazymummy · 28/05/2015 14:34

Yes, I don't live in an 'area of social deprivation' and there's quite a few children who play out here. I live on a 'walkway' so they're safe from traffic.
I think it's it good for them as long as they're not forced to play out and they can go indoors if they need to.

SunnyBaudelaire · 28/05/2015 14:35

yes I agree fatlazymummy , I think it is very good.
If you live in the country with five acres and no pavements, well then duh no your kids will not play outside.

Liz1982 · 28/05/2015 14:35

"The only children who play out are from chaotic homes"........? Are you bloody serious, stupid woman. Me and my dh have three children, we recently moved to a beautiful four bed home on a lovely estate, and the main reason we chose this area aside from good schools was that it appeared to be a safe neighbourhood and as we wanted our children to be able to spread their wings a little and play with friends it was perfect. How dare you make such a widespread generalisation!

CrystalMcPistol · 28/05/2015 14:37

If you live in the country with five acres and no pavements, well then duh no your kids will not play outside.

Duh indeed.

fiveacres · 28/05/2015 14:38

We do have pavements here, you know. Roads and everything. Wink I just do not permit my children to play on them because they are for cars, not children.

SunnyBaudelaire · 28/05/2015 14:39

oh right sorry I thought you said you lived 'very rurally'.
obvs no parent is going to let their children out to play on a country road are they?

CrystalMcPistol · 28/05/2015 14:39

At least you got to tell us all about your five acres.

toomuchtooold · 28/05/2015 14:41

God, when I was a kid, I used to be hauled off the street to be fed meals and to be washed and sent to bed. I never went willingly. I remember once, wasn't more than about 6 or 7, I managed to eat lunch and escape before my mum managed to wash my face. Turned up at my best friend's house and his mum was like "toomuch, there's no way your mum would have let you out the house looking like that!" and washed my face! We ran in a gang of about 20 kids, it was glorious. Not many people in our area had the money to go on holiday or on day trips or stuff so that was us for like 6 or 7 weeks over the summer.

NKfell · 28/05/2015 14:43

There's definitely a middle ground here- I used to play out as a child all day long sometimes but I was always happy to go home and I could have played at home (which I sometimes did).

I'd be happy for my children to play out with other children or they could come and play at home.

I can confirm I am not from a chaotic home, I wasn't kicking a football drinking coke and shouting...I was making dens, climbing trees and well, just playing!

NKfell · 28/05/2015 14:46

toomuchtooold That reminded me of when I was about 8 and I fell off my bike and grazed my knee- I went to my friend's house to get it cleaned in case my Mum made me come in!

I just loved being out with my friends playing!

fiveacres · 28/05/2015 14:52

Ahhhh, you think it was a stealth boast? It wasn't. Hmm

It is possible to share something in passing without thinking much of it.

Sunny, where we live is rural but a perfectly ordinary village. It just so happens that where I live is slightly set back, hence why there is a lot of land attached to it. The main road going through the village is just that and really nothing special, but not suitable for kids playing on it either.

TheRealMaryMillington · 28/05/2015 14:54

OP I think you have it all wrong

Playing out, going a bit feral, having a community of kids to play out with is really good. Really good. So long as they can go home when they do want to.

And generally playing out bears no relationship to how well a child is loved and cared for.

There is time enough for "experiences", our kids are over-scheduled, over-programmed, and over-exposed to stuff - it's all just fuelled by consumerism really. It's not what children really need to be happy and to develop.

SunnyBaudelaire · 28/05/2015 14:54

I know what you mean about country villages and main roads.
Where we live there is not even a pavement!
However many people do live in more suitable places for children to play out, eg cul de sac or courtyard or houses round a green, and you cannot judge those parents in the same way.

CrystalMcPistol · 28/05/2015 14:58

five acres I’m sure you can see that an 8 year old living in a house with a shoebox garden might be more eager to get out and play with his friends than a child who has five acres to roam?

fiveacres · 28/05/2015 14:58

Sunny - I do know what you mean, that on more modern housing estates, probably similar to the one I lived in with DC1, 'playing out' is more common.

The issue I have with it then is partly because I do feel that children can be rotten to one another without an adult at least within calling distance but also it can be a bloody nuisance to other residents Smile When my then- DH first moved in we were at the end of a cul de sac where gangs of kids used to gather. We would never say anything but it was a pain as they were noisy, would kick balls, and so on. A little on summer evenings we didn't really mind but when it goes on for the whole day it is tedious at best.

fiveacres · 28/05/2015 14:59

Of course. I just don't see the streets as being suitable for playing with friends. At all. For all the reasons above Smile

LaurieMarlow · 28/05/2015 15:01

What? Mental problems leading from not playing outside on the street? Is that a joke?

It's not a joke, no. But if you read what i posted properly, you'll see i was referring to long periods of unsupervised play. No mention of street necessarily.

But read this, open your mind a little to the views of others

aeon.co/magazine/culture/children-today-are-suffering-a-severe-deficit-of-play/

CrystalMcPistol · 28/05/2015 15:02

Well not all streets are the same so I'm afraid I'm no closer to understanding your phobia.