to feel sorry for kids who are always playing out

[vodkanchocolate]

Probilly sounding very judgmental here. On our bit of street we have 2 families who never seem to do anything with their kids they are just playing out constantly I often wonder when they manage to go in for tea/dinner let alone baths, homework etc.

So yesterday dinner was time for us to go out go find my eldest dd who said why cant she play out with the others explained we are going to see an elderly relative whos about celebrate her 80th then we can call to the near by park this girl was listneing in and said thats laim fair enough not the most entertaining day for a 9 year old but the younger ones enjoyed themselves. Got back tea time and the bunch of same kids were still all i the street aged ranges from 4-12 and apparently one of the kids have said to my 2 eldest that Im stuck up and trying to stop them playing with the other kids. Why the hell would an 8 year old come out with that comment.

My kids do play out particully my 9 year old and never stopped her playing with anyone theres the odd incident where ill say think you best come away for a bit to avoid something.

Its same after school eve on a school night during summer months out until 9pm some nights wonder where the hell they find time to do stuff.

Sorry on phone today typing not very good.

And independence will be very slow coming if you're constantly being trailed by a parent.

Have the same in our road
Think it is ridiculous
Surely you should play with your child and not just send them outside
Mine don't go out much

I am reading this in the park. When we arrived there were maybe twenty children aged two to eight, and no adults. A 3yo fell over and hurt herself and has just been taken home by her 7yo brother for a quick cuddle and then back out again.

I am here. They're all having a lovely time and pragmatically they are in no danger. But I feel weird about it and I can't put my finger on why.

I think the children are probably fine - and it's a fully fenced playground in a sort of square of houses so the equivalent of playing on the road in front of the house but without traffic. But I don't like the idea that the toddlers are abandoned to the care of children who are still very young themselves. It doesn't seem fair on either side.

No need to feel sorry for dd2, she loves playing out.

I think it's good for kids to play outside, learn to fight their own battles, negotiate group dynamics and sort out minor problems for themselves.

I don't think it's good for kids to be left outside all day everyday, even when there's no other kids around to play with or its lashing rain or they're just obviously bored and would rather be at home.

There's a happy medium, but some posters seem to be assuming that anyone who has any reservations about certain children being constantly left to roam around unsupervised and out far later at night than their peers have a fundamental objection to children playing outside unsupervised. Only a small handful of posters on this thread have expressed that view.

And I also think an important part of playing outside unsupervised is being 'big' enough to accept it when an adult gives out to you for kicking footballs up against her garage door, making too much noise right outside their window, climbing up on walls and fences around their property etc.
Not rudely ignoring them or getting your parents to come rushing out to defend you. That way children learn about what is and isn't acceptable behaviour in communal areas.
I had a typical 70s childhood. Out for hours, allowed cycle off with my friends and a picnic in our bicycle baskets, or wander around fields etc. But I was also expected to be respectful of adults and knew that if my parents got to hear of bad behaviour or cheek there would be trouble.

Laughing breezily at "and a tidy house" because ain't that the truth!

You should be playing with yur dcs and not send them oputside

my dcs would ahte it if I was playing with them like this. They want to play football and cricket. They want to be left on their own.
When they want to play wityh me, they ask and I oblige. But expecting them to always be inside? They walk up the walls!

I don't think chucking children out all day makes them better adults or more prepared for adulthood.

It's perfectly possible to teach children about the world and have independence without leaving them to their own devices unsupervised for hours on end.

Gottagetmoving, outside a secure home garden I would say under 8 would shock me. Before that they are too young to be out alone unsupervised. Many would still chase a ball across a road, have little understanding of what to do if something went wrong and still vulnerable to stranger danger.

What? Mental problems leading from not playing outside on the street? Is that a joke?

I used to live in the Western Highlands, in a lovely village. I thought my kids could play freely. Unfortunately, the only other kids out there playing were the ones from bad homes. Bullying and vandalism was their chief entertainment.

It's an unfortunate fact that "good" parenting now involves helicopter rotors. The nice children are supervised and in structured activities, or else in front of some sort of screen.

Big difference between benign neglect and actual neglect.
Girl lives across from me, 7 years old, she is out in street from second she gets back from school until 9pm.
I have never spoken to the parents, never see them check on her and when the girl knocked to play with my kids and I told her to check with parents that she could come in she looked at me like I was mad.
This is neglect.
My kids potter about the bottom of the garden, climb the tree, harass the frogs and generally get up to mischief while I occasionally look out of the window to count they're all still there. They come in for meals and homework and are in bed at a decent hour.
Benign neglect.

Furthermore, good parenting means standing tirelessly and watching your children play. If children require time at a playground, then a good mother stands and watches them. Texting on the park bench is not acceptable.

I wasn't keen on dc 'playing out' with the local kids who shoplifted in packs.

I wasn't that keen on them 'playing out' with the kids whose dad was a drug dealer and whose mother slit her wrists in front of the youngest two (nursery/reception) but mainly because the older two (6 and 8 at the time) used to play switching gas and electricity off to the local flats and trashing their post boxes.

I really wasn't keen when neighbours brought them in sobbing because of another beating.

At the moment I let them play out within reason, but I don't think it is a panacea for childhood ills.

There is also a world of difference between playing in the street and playing in a garden with physical boundaries.

Yes there certainly is. The garden with boundaries loses its appeal once the child reaches 8 or 9.

Mines 8 and it hasn't lost its appeal for him. I can't see the street being any more fascinating.

Of course, he isn't restricted to the garden. We do leave the confines of the house

Mines 8 and it hasn't lost its appeal for him. I can't see the street being any more fascinating.

Er yeah, because you're an adult!

boopsy, where did anyone say that children like yours come from a family with problems.
Why would you associate them with the kids left to wander and roam with no parent ever calling them in for meals or because it's raining or it's getting dark and the other children have gone home?

Crystal - my child has never expressed a particular desire to roam the streets with his friend, probably because luckily it doesn't seem to be the done thing here.

I do know whenever I have had cause to drive through estates in areas of social deprivation they have featured copious amounts of young children standing around, kicking footballs into the road, drinking Coke - I just feel glad my children aren't one of them. It's possible these children may have happy memories of childhood and mine won't, but either way, I do feel for them.

I let my older kids play out when they want to, but ensure they are back at a decent time. I don't think having a rolling schedule of activities, constantly supervised by a parent, is particularly good for kids. My kids (and I) need time to be ourselves.

I think balance is the key really and that's what I aim for in the holidays; we might have one day out somewhere, followed by a day at home. Or a morning at the park and an afternoon playing out.

There are kids where I live who are constantly out until 9pm, and there are kids who are never allowed out without a parent present. Neither is right for me.

Well at 8yo, both my dcs were very keenly asking to go to school on their own, to go an play tennis on their own or to go outside on their bikes/scootters.
None of which can be done in the garden.
And some of which we said NO to (school is 1.5 miles away for example).

But they were both very keen to be out of my way and on their own!

The kids on my street play out, nicely. No vandalism or screaming or shouting, and no parents standing there watching them, either. They go indoors if they need anything.
My eldest son used to play out all day, certainly in the summer. He absolutely loved it, he became very sociable and self confident as a result. My second son didn't get the opportunity, it seems as if helicopter parenting had started by then. He's the one I feel sorry for.

five having your children playing out on their own is NOT just happening in 'areas of social deprivation'

Judging much?

Magnificent - quite, you said no.

Not letting children 'play out' on the streets doesn't equate to helicoptering over them. My son is permitted to play in the garden which really is ample (my username is a clue ) and also in the park which can be reached via our garden so no roads, as long as he tells me and we agree on a time to be back by.

We regularly go to national trust places and other open spaces (live very rurally) and while I sit with his sister he can wander at will, again with the proviso to indicate when he'll be back. I often take a couple of his friends with me on these excursions. He has a great deal of freedom and lovely quality of life.

However, I don't let him wander the streets or play 'out' in the way the OP means. Streets are not for playing on!