to feel sorry for kids who are always playing out

[vodkanchocolate]

Probilly sounding very judgmental here. On our bit of street we have 2 families who never seem to do anything with their kids they are just playing out constantly I often wonder when they manage to go in for tea/dinner let alone baths, homework etc.

So yesterday dinner was time for us to go out go find my eldest dd who said why cant she play out with the others explained we are going to see an elderly relative whos about celebrate her 80th then we can call to the near by park this girl was listneing in and said thats laim fair enough not the most entertaining day for a 9 year old but the younger ones enjoyed themselves. Got back tea time and the bunch of same kids were still all i the street aged ranges from 4-12 and apparently one of the kids have said to my 2 eldest that Im stuck up and trying to stop them playing with the other kids. Why the hell would an 8 year old come out with that comment.

My kids do play out particully my 9 year old and never stopped her playing with anyone theres the odd incident where ill say think you best come away for a bit to avoid something.

Its same after school eve on a school night during summer months out until 9pm some nights wonder where the hell they find time to do stuff.

Sorry on phone today typing not very good.

chaotic homes?

In our village it is very much all kinds of parents who let their kids just play outside with minimal supervision.

I always though it was nice that my kids know how to entertain themselves, make friends, resolve disagreements/conflict, deal with mistakes (kicking the ball in grumpy man's garden who then shouts at them)

To be honest, I even think it is good for them.

yes we do organised activities too, but I think modern parents are going OTT with this, a club every single day, madness!

I even let them out with pocket knives as they like to whittle down sticks. yes they did cut themselves once or twice, but then they learn how to handle a knife.

They climb trees, which makes me nervous but I let them get on with it ow they are older. They are amazingly agile as a result.

They also like making fires, but THAT is only allowed under supervision.

Like Aryaunderfoot, I do worry about them but I let them play outside as I think it is nicer for them than doing stuff at home with me. They say they love unsupervised play. I like to feel that I trust them to be sensible. At their age, "trust" is a big thing.

(they are 10/12 btw)

I have no problems with kids out playing and think it's far better than being stuck indoors, DD is always away out playing either at the park over the road (cul de sac) or on her trampoline.

But I, like OP, have 2 sets of kids kicked outside all day everyday. One is at school but from the moment he gets in he's out in his school uniform often he goes in then out again straight away with a box of micro chips. The other two one is 4 and the other 3 they are literally out ALL day from 8 am (at the door looking for DD, we were only just up) till I think 9 pm is the latest ive seen them out (had them at door one night at 8.15pm on DD school night she had just told them she was going to bed, they then procedded to knock a further 3 times). They come in the garden all the time even when I tell them not to as they don't close the gate properly and i don't want DS 18 months getting out, they try to take DD scooter out of the garden when she's not here and have taken her ball home even though she asked for it back. The minute you go to the car or come back they are flocking round the car wanting to know where you're going/where you've been I can hardly get to the house and they. I have no problem with DD playing with them but at the park or on the path. She's not allowed in their garden, they just generally cause a nuisance and I'm sick of asking them to play at the park. Yes DD plays out but doesn't go anywhere I don't know she is and certainly isn't causing a nuisance.

Mine play out, nothing chaotic about our home

I'd rather they be outside playing on the street with their friends than stuck indoors than watching TV or something on the tablet.

It was nicer for me when they just played in the garden and only fell out with each other. Gets right on my last one when they fall out with friends and are in and out moaning to me about it. I bring them in when that happens.

There's also a few of those kids who can't seem to take no for an answer when either of them don't want to play. They seem to think knocking every half hour or so will change their minds. It doesn't, it only serves to piss off and they get the sharp edge of my tongue.

They need to mix, it's good for them.

We also have days out because staying at home every day would drive me mad.

I never played out - I grew up on a main road - and I have grown up to be independent with no problems so I don't worry about that

We've moved to a tenement now and the drying green is shared between 30 flats. It is ENORMOUS. There's a trampoline, a den, trees to climb. All the children pile out there from 3-7 every night and soon my dc will join them (my smallest is too young yet). I bought this flat because of the garden - it's fantastic. But roads, no. There are too many cars now.

A 3 and 4 year old left out all day unsupervised is neglect, Misslg. I would report to SS.

jemima to be honest it has crossed my mind how something hasn't been done but we have had a nasty run in with the family once before. I know they go to pre school some days but rest of the time they are out no parents in sight. It's the 3 year old I worry about he's come off his bike in the middle of the road (cars up and down frequently). OTOH it's likely they want to be out playing it's the fact they are allowed (or likely not been told otherwise) to annoy neighbours especially when they have been asked (nicely) to go away

I know it makes me sound really mean why not just let them in my garden but I don't want to be responsible for small children I barely know especially if anything was to happen to them

Research has shown that unstructured, unsupervised, outdoor play is so beneficial to a child's development.

DS is an only child with SENs. During the summer he plays out from morning til bedtime, either here or at my mums. He has learned so much about friendships, and falling outs. He has checked and challenged my decisions. I have seen that he has taken what I have taught him on board and into his outside life. He swaps ideas and knowledge with his friends.

It is a unique and special environment that can't be replicated. It teaches children and adults alike, how to get along when all they (seemingly) have in common is proximity.

I had a lovely childhood of 'playing out' and feel very sad that my DC are unlikely to have the same.

The main - well, only - reason is the kind of town we live in now. DSis and I grew up on a big estate in a rural location : lots of small communal green spaces, big safe cul de sacs, minimal traffic and heaps of kids our own age. It was fabulous. We could basically play all over the place without ever encountering a car, we had set boundaries as to how far we could go and knew we had to be back for 5pm for tea.

DH and I have a lovely house in a lovely area now but it's a busy SE commuter town, we are not on an estate, there isn't anything like the network of neighbours that DSis and I had and the traffic is a nightmare- supposedly a 30mph zone but you'd never know it-so my kids don't play out, other than in our back garden. I do feel as if they are missing out on experiences I had. But there's just no way I could allow it where we live (and even if I did, no one else's kids play out anyway so they'd have no one to play with) purely because of the traffic / urbanisation issue.

So I wouldn't automatically view a scenario where kids played out all day as sad. That said though there is a world of difference between what I had as a child (safe, secure loving home but the freedom to roam about and play) and the neglect that other posters are describing. I think we all realise that for some children the 'out from dawn till dusk' thing hides a multitude of problems.

[whispers] aren't you worried about kidnap if you leave your kids playing unsupervised outside ? Or am I the only worry guts left in town ?

Do you know how vanishingly rare stranger kidnap is? And they aren't alone, thats the whole point, they are with other children. And right outside houses with people coming and going.....
No, I don't for a second worry about kidnap.

I have lots if very fond memories of playing out in the fields by my home. Sadly it's not the same for my dc's. The road outside our home is dangerous, so they need to be supervised and there's no fields. It depends where you live.

We live on a very small estate and at the front and side of my house are 2 very wide paths. There are about 10-15 kids who regularly play at the front of my house on the path,all between the ages of 4 and 12.

None come from chaotic homes and neither are they left to play out on there own all day. However, they are all out playing after school, go in to do homework and have their tea and then are all out playing until about 8.30. They all love it. They play football, hopscotch, ride on scooters etc.

Very rarely any arguments and they all look out for each other. It's a wonderful environment. For them to grow up in - lots of friends, fresh air, exercise and fun.

Sometimes the parents go out and have a kick about with the ball too. I was out tonight for a while helping some of them draw up hopscotch with chalk.

My DS does a fair few activities, but you can guarantee that as we are driving home (e.g. From football training) he will ask 'is anyone playing out?'. He is straight out to play.

The kids I feel sorry for, are the ones who are never allowed to play out, spend too long indoors or being ferried around to lots of visits they don't want to do. Also feel sorry for those with helicopter parents who have to supervise their childrens every activity, see a nonce on every street corner or fear their kids are going to be kidnapped if they lose sight of them.

A balance needs to be found for all children - mix of free play, indoors and outdoors and different activities.

My dd never played out. due to wanting to keep her safe and yes I will be honest some of the parents I didn't like, they'd come out roaring and bawling of their kids had a fight in the street. I recall these two women killing one another pulling hair ect because one kid had snatched something off another (beyond ridiculous I wouldn't mind but while they're murdering each other the kids are playing).
She did hAvd a close friend who was the only one allowed in because her mum was okay and knew that kids were kids. They fight argue snatch and fall out. It's just s part of growing up.

We have some kids who are always out on streets. Guess what? Some of them decided to feed adult painkillers to Ds who was playing in our garden. Luckily he only ate one (they told him they were sweets). But we had to go to hospital and I had to call the police. The parents? Well I doubt they even care or know...

I'm not anti playing out, I did myself, but it was a rural area and in early 80s but even then there were some kids who were chucked out till late and were always in trouble.

My neighbour rarely bothers to take her 2 out, they always used to ask where ds and I had been and if they could come. There is a balance and most kids thrive on a bit of everything, days out and playing out. I understand the op concern very well, you just feel for the kids who are not getting the home life they need.

Just cos you have psycho neighbour kids, thats hardly a common problem.

My daughter played out. She's now 19. When she was 6 we drove home, after a family party and her friend, age 5 was still walking around the street.

It was midnight.

We called Social Services as we couldn't get an answer at their door nor were they answering the phone. Later discovered they had taken "something" and didn't hear the phone or doorbell.

And that has got what exactly to do with children playing out? Thats like saying I don't think children should eat vegetables because someone I know was once stabbed in the eye by something that looked like a carrot.

They all play out round me. All behave ok except one slightly nutty kid who belongs to a slightly odd family with a lot of money but rather less in the way of parenting skills. However the other kids keep him in line. Good for them.

Agree with Lucyccf

YABU

I let my DS play out when he was two weeks old. He loved rolling about on the street because the neighbours told me.

We used to play out all the time and I remember what we got up to. It's amazing we survived. Fires, building sites, walking through the woods on our own at night, climbing on roofs etc.

I did let my kids play out because we lived in a huge gated community overseas and I felt they were safely penned in. I think my kids were a lot more sensible than I was as a child so I trusted them not to do anything too stupid.

Difficult one, as I do feel children out from dawn till dusk is neglectful and lazy,

Some days mine are out from dawn till dusk, the children are not neglected, they love the outdoors and are lucky enough to live somewhere that they can enjoy it.

'Some days' is different from 'all the time' Philoslothy.

Winter the point some posters are making is that there are some children who are outside all the time, not simply because they're enjoying being with their friends and running around freely, but because they have just been turfed out by their parents who then seem to feel no responsibility to ensure they come home for meals and are in at a reasonable time in the evenings.

That is the point the OP was making. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with children playing outside for hours and being allowed a degree of freedom; but that there is something sad about children who are always trailing around the roads, out in all weathers, and seem to have no regular meals or bedtimes or routines around which their family life is structured.