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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sorry for kids who are always playing out

355 replies

vodkanchocolate · 28/05/2015 10:30

Probilly sounding very judgmental here. On our bit of street we have 2 families who never seem to do anything with their kids they are just playing out constantly I often wonder when they manage to go in for tea/dinner let alone baths, homework etc.

So yesterday dinner was time for us to go out go find my eldest dd who said why cant she play out with the others explained we are going to see an elderly relative whos about celebrate her 80th then we can call to the near by park this girl was listneing in and said thats laim fair enough not the most entertaining day for a 9 year old but the younger ones enjoyed themselves. Got back tea time and the bunch of same kids were still all i the street aged ranges from 4-12 and apparently one of the kids have said to my 2 eldest that Im stuck up and trying to stop them playing with the other kids. Why the hell would an 8 year old come out with that comment.

My kids do play out particully my 9 year old and never stopped her playing with anyone theres the odd incident where ill say think you best come away for a bit to avoid something.

Its same after school eve on a school night during summer months out until 9pm some nights wonder where the hell they find time to do stuff.

Sorry on phone today typing not very good.

OP posts:
WonderingWillow · 28/05/2015 16:13

Agree vodka they're not mutually exclusive! Just because you don't want your child playing out on the street (which unless you have a very particular, safe set of circumstances like few cars, the neighbours all knowing each other etc then I think is questionable) doesn't mean you lock them in on the Xbox all day Hmm

Equally, I think why can't you get off your bum and go to nice places together? Why aren't you allowed to take them to the park or swimming? How is that smothering them? I don't think it harms my DC to be in the enclosed, largish back garden either alone or with friends playing and I'll just get on with my accounts, or some housework and they are all free from traffic and I don't have to have eyes in the back of my head ¯\(?)/¯

mumofthemonsters808 · 28/05/2015 16:20

I grew up in the 70s and playing out all day long was just what we did. The only time we went home was to eat or use the loo, we were pretty much left to our own devices and created our own entertainment. Every kid in the neighbourhood played out and it was only on a special occasion you even went in your friends house. I went on very few trips with my parents but neither did my friends, also, it was an era where kids had few material possessions and we just created their own fun. I feel sad that my own children will not experience this sort of childhood.

LaurieMarlow · 28/05/2015 16:21

WW, i'm not saying for a second that you should put your children in danger. What I'm interested in is the psychological/social implications of children not engaging in unsupervised play. For many families, unsupervised play is not really possible (as you've pointed out).

However, I'm open to the author's suggestion that this can negatively affect children's development. We're in a very different environment now than we've been throughout all of our evolutionary history, it's bound to have an impact.

There isn't an answer. It's just one of those sad facts about the modern world.

SunnyBaudelaire · 28/05/2015 16:21

it IS sad, but the 70s is not where we are at any more. so not much point in getting all nostalgic about them. We have to work with what we have.

Original poster
vodkanchocolate · 28/05/2015 16:23

Agree willow. Im actually really proud of myself and look forward to the holidays to take them out i suffer bad with my nerves and have 2 children on autistic spectrum (1 awaiting diagnosis) its hard work taking them out but so depressing been at home. I know thats just my personal view. Ive got hundreds of pics i print off of our days out etc i know maybe a bit sad to some but i look back o my childhood and really loved days out want that for my children. Doesnt always have to be something spectacular. Im not saying these kids are horrible kids or neglected whatever as many of you point out they may just enjoy it but at 7pm at night (last night) a 6year old is throwing sticks at passing cars thats telling me hes bored - and thats not the only time similar things have happened.

We will agree to disagree end of the day we are happy maybe they are or arent but will leave it now. Thanks for opinions anyway

OP posts:
WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 28/05/2015 16:25

What a lot of people have is no different to what was had in the 70's. The only difference is in attitude.

If you don't want your kids to play outside, don't let them. Nobody cares. But the bizarre judgements on people who do are just fucking weird. Mind your own business, helicopter your own children, ours are just fine and thinner, healthier and happier

chaletdays · 28/05/2015 16:28

Some huge generalisation by some (and I stress 'some') posters on this thread. Parents who like to sometimes take their children places during the holidays, or who expect their children to be home at meal times and at a reasonable time in the evening are not parents who lock their kids
inside, hover over them, deny them freedom etc.

There is a happy medium. I personally don't like the way some parents cart their children around from one structured activity to the another, filling up all their time and leaving no room for them to act on their own devices or to learn how to relieve their boredeom themselves.

But the opposite extreme is parents who just let their kids wander around all day, never go looking for them, never give them a time that they must be home by and never ensure that they're not bothering neighbours or mis-behaving.

But some posters counter that argument by saying 'oh my children love playing outside, they often bring friends home to the garden as well, and sometimes I have to drag them in at bedtime for their tea they're having such a wonderful time' which has no bearing on the point the OP and a lot of posters are making.

usualsuspect333 · 28/05/2015 16:28

YABU.

WonderingWillow · 28/05/2015 16:28

But there was a lot of stuff about a childhood in the 70's and 80's that really wasn't all that! I suspect a lot of people look through rose tinted spectacles. I'm glad my DC is growing up now.

Every generation says the same.

chaletdays · 28/05/2015 16:29

drag them in at bedtime or for their tea , I meant to post.

WonderingWillow · 28/05/2015 16:31

I think most kids do have a happy medium. A poster up thread mentioned leaving her kids to it in the garden whilst she went and did her own thing, knowing they were safe. It's a great way to while away a summer's day.

It's also lovely to go out to the cinema, or swimming, or to the beach with them too.

formerbabe · 28/05/2015 16:31

Bet your family are a bunch of lard arses or is that me generalising?

How lovely. Actually my dc go out to play outside nearly everyday depending on the weather...With me! I don't hover over them but am within shouting distance if they need me. I can always see them. I cannot imagine sending them outside alone to play. It is bizarre...There are no children hanging out in my road...what would they do? stand out on the pavement alone and dodge the traffic?!

SunnyBaudelaire · 28/05/2015 16:32

that's right, if no other kids are playing out, why would our kids want to?

chaletdays · 28/05/2015 16:34

I agree Willow. I think the majority of parents do create a happy medium.
But some posters don't seem to understand that they are not the parents the OP is criticising. It is the ones who go to the opposite end of the extreme from helicopter parenting.

usualsuspect333 · 28/05/2015 16:35

My kids all played out alone. That doesn't make me a shit parent.

CrystalMcPistol · 28/05/2015 16:35

WonderingWillow at what age will your child be allowed leave the house by themselves?

usualsuspect333 · 28/05/2015 16:37

And by the time they were 9/10 they were going to the local park alone with their mates.

Judge that.

JCDenton · 28/05/2015 16:39

Every generation says the same

So much this. Everybody has the attitude 'I'm glad we had what we had when I was a kid, but what they have now is just too far.' Kids today will say the same in 2040, mark my words.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 28/05/2015 16:40

Parents who like to sometimes take their children places during the holidays, or who expect their children to be home at meal times and at a reasonable time in the evening are not parents who lock their kids
inside, hover over them, deny them freedom etc

Parents whose children play outside do all of those things AS WELL, so who's making the stupid judgements here? Hmm

chaletdays · 28/05/2015 16:41

The world has unfortunately changed since the 70s. When I was 7 I was getting a bus four miles to school on my own (not a school bus, ordinary public transport). At 8 or 9 my mum was sending me up to the shops for her. At 10ish myself and my siblings were allowed head off on our bikes and cycle for several miles up lonely roads. At 15 myself and a bunch of school friends went off youth hostelling on our own, no mobile phones or any way of keeping in contact with our parents.

Very few parents would allow their children to do those things nowadays, and they're not being over protective.

chaletdays · 28/05/2015 16:42

Winter where did I say the didn't?

Original poster
vodkanchocolate · 28/05/2015 16:43

I know i said i was going but just been reading through properly and my god some of the comments on here are so rude... and for the record my kids arent lard arses just because they arent playing out for 12 hours a day doesnt mean they are sat on their arses all day.... i can only imagine ive hit some sort of nerve for the person who made that comment. Pathetic!

OP posts:
chaletdays · 28/05/2015 16:45

Vodka I think you're a victim of the people who seize on one or two sentences in an opening post and don't bother to address them in the context of the entire post.
I have been admiring your patient responses on here.

usualsuspect333 · 28/05/2015 16:46

The only thing that has changed is you are now judged for your parenting choices on the internet by parents who think their way is the right way.

I'm so glad i wasn't on MN when my kids were younger.

WonderingWillow · 28/05/2015 16:47

chalet exactly. Well put, and that's because we know about the risks of things that always happened, but they're just publicised now.

Kids getting injured, and horrible individuals wandering about isn't something that happens to someone else's DC.